Hey Homey-G! Whazzup? Sorry, just getting in touch for today's stinkbomb. Starring a mediocre cast featuring Ice-T and Rutger Howard. Good luck...

SURVIVING THE GAME

Ya betta recognize (oops, did it again) that this begins in an alley. Mason (Ice-T) is a homeless dude who gets a job offering from Roc. It seems Roc wants him to join some hunting company or something. Why? Don't know, guess the screenwriters were inhaling household cleansers a wee bit too much.

Anyway, Mason lives the good life! His new job promises him big bucks, good benefits, and that if Rutger Howard and his gang catch him before he makes it back to civilization, his head will be on display in a preserves jar. *long silence* Where is this place?! I wanna job there right NOW!

Predictably, Mason pulls the hunters into their own game, killing them in an easy to guess manner. One would guess that this movie is good training for aspiring fortune tellers.

Towards the end of this movie, the last gang member shoots Mason's getaway plane and makes it explode [BOOM]. Confident and smug (probably in knowing this movie will be over soon) he heads back to New York and leaves Mason for dead. Big, predictable mistake.

Cut to three months later. Apparently, the last gang member is a priest who spends all his time lurching in dark alleys. Mason and him have it out in the alley in a well choreographed fight sequence. Well choreographed meaning it was better than the Batman TV show fight sequences. Anywho, Mason lets him go, and the gang dude tries to shoot him when his back is turned. However, his gun blows up 'cuz the barrel is clogged, the poor dope. Hahahahahahaha.

We have done worse films, true, but that does nothing to diminish the pain of this craphola movie. The fight sequences are not well done, the plot is TOO PREDICTABLE, and the characters just aren't...fun. Evil characters should be cool, in a Boba Fett-like manner. No such like here, our villains are beer guzzlin' rednecks. Oh well. Peace out, homies (I did it AGAIN! What's wrong with me?!)

1 out of 5 cheeses

Joe Mamma