Sweet. A lot of movies out there are bad, but the truly cheesy ones are capable of the unintentional laugh. This one is loaded with them. It's time to go spelunking with the...
Warrior of the Lost World
In a display of zero creativity, our story takes place in a post-apocalyptic battlefield. If you like stuff like this, stop reading this (actually, don't stop. I risked my sanity watching this garbage film) and go watch the "Mad Max" saga. Our hero, or the guy who shows up the most on the camera, anyway, is played by Robert Ginty, who has the horrible distinction of being one of the stars of "The Paper Chase". The Warrior has an equally annoying super-motorcycle-robot-droid-machine-thingy named Einstein. Einstein talks too much, so be ready to get those vegetables ready for tossing at the TV.

Warrior is on a quest to stop the evil overlord, played by Donald Pleasance, the doctor from the "Halloween" saga. It seems that the overlord has it in for the Princess and her father. The bad guys are equipped with toy machine guns that make up to 8 fun noises when fired. This is a safe alternative to blanks, but it looks REAL dumb. It's a sad movie when the villains are equipped with weapons that you can get free from specially marked boxes of Cap'n Crunch.

The Warrior does an excellent job of saving the Princess and her dad. Scratch that. He saves only her dad. His big, sausage-fingered hand can't hold on to the Princess long enough to pull her into the escape chopper. Remind us again, Warrior, who's so damn stupid enough to hire you?

Anyway, after flying away for about 5 hours, Warrior realizes his mistake. He dropped his favorite dress out of the chopper. Oh yeah, he forgot to rescue the Princess also. So the Warrior of the Lost World, with assistance from the Elderly Man of the Lost Bridge Club, go back to save her. The overlord tries to be a James Bond villain, but ultimately comes up short. After playing mind games with the Princess, the Warrior eventually staggers to her rescue. It's about time, you lazy scumbag! All ends well, or not, as we hear a truly awful song that sounds like "All do peopo abba in da world." It's no surprise that the woman who sings it has the same last name as the director. Hmmm...

Above all, the plot runs thin quickly, but you gotta love to hate the annoying motorcycle that never shuts up, particularly when it explodes. Aaaahh... This movie also contains a hilarious editing gaffe. A guy falls from a tower about 50 feet in the sky. The camera records this in slow-motion, so the camera seems to be on him for about 8 seconds, yet they don't show him hitting the ground. WHAT'S THE POINT OF PUTTING THE CAMERA ON HIM FOR SO LONG IF HE DOESN'T HIT THE GROUND?! They left me hanging! Did he indeed hit the ground? I'll never know! This movie was hilarious as it was painful on Mystery Science Theater 3000, yet it seems just as funny with or without the comments. This movie is so cheesy, you'll swear it was filmed in Wisconsin!

Rating:
5 out of 5 cheeses on the cheezi rating system. Take caution!
Joe Mamma, Official Pit Psychopath

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