|
A Strong Muslim Woman Writes to Islamic Monitor!! | ||
| Below is some
correspondence Islamic Monitor had with a Muslim woman who wrote to
complain about the Islamic Monitor web site. Islamic Monitor decided
to publish the correspondence so that readers understand the mentality of
[some] Muslims living in Western countries. Islamic Monitor
has chosen not to disclose her name or Email address; instead, she will be
referred to as "Strong Muslim Woman" (SMW for short) in a nod to UK
journalist Julie Burchill's reference in her article Some
People Will Believe Anything.
The correspondence is presented in chronological order Date:
Sat Jul 12, 2003 10:41 pm Date: Mon, 14 Jul 2003 14:15:04 -0700 (PDT) From: Islamic Monitor To: SMW Subject: Re: regarding:women in islam I'm glad that the Islamic Monitor web site (www.oocities.org/islamic_monitor)
motivated you to write to me.
First of all, I am not trying to spread atheism, or
any other belief system through this web site. As a westerner, I
value the rights accorded to me through law and secular government,
secured by the sacrifice of brave men and women over the
centuries. I started this site because I was alarmed
how Islamic groups were exploiting western freedoms to undermine them
and ultimately impose their values on the rest of us, and relegate
non-Muslims and women to a lower status.
You have gone on a tirade how giving women freedom
to work and go out uncovered outside the home has led to
many social ills in western society. That's not
necessarily the case. I've been happily married nine
years. I've always worked away from the home, and my job has
given me the opportunity to travel all over the world. In all that
time, I have not developed "illegal" relationships with men or gotten
pregnant by men other than my husband ... all those terrible things that
you say happens when women work outside the home. Also,
because I work, I am in a better position to understand and commiserate
with my husband about his difficulties at work.
Many people behave irresponsibly when given freedoms
such as I enjoy in the West. But although some people behave
irresponsibly and I deplore that behavior, I'd rather keep my freedoms
rather than exchange them for the status I would have under
Islam. Islam allows a man to divorce his wife by saying
"I divorce you" (talaq) three times. People I've known
who've lived and worked in Muslim countries have said that many
divorced Muslim women are reduced to beggary once their maintenance
have run out and they've sold off their jewelry (oftentimes their only
wealth). Muslim men may take a second or third wife or even a
fourth wife without the wife's consent. Polygyny leads to
jealousy and hostility between wives ... the Prophet's relationships with
his wives (post-Khadija) is a case study. Although the Quran (4:3)
does make the qualification if the husband cannot do justice to multiple
wives, he should marry only one, the Prophet took more than four wives
(more than allowed by the Quran) and could not do justice to all.
Now, [SMW], I would like to know if you are a
convert or "revert" (as Muslims prefer to say) to Islam. In which
country do you live?
Regards,
Islamic Monitor
Date:
Fri Jul 18, 2003 1:01 am I have read your email and I was glad to see your
response on my email. Thank you for a detailed reply.
First of all, I would like to clear you
on this point that Islam is not imposing its values on westerners and not
trying to persecute Non-Muslim men and women. But it would be wise to say
that western countries are trying to influence Islamic countries by
criticizing Islam and its point of view on women.
When did you see that Muslims are
trying to rid this world off western traditions and values? In September
11? Well, let me clear this point out that you have no proof whether
Muslims did it or not.
How can you possibly say that a poor
country like Afghanistan, where people don't even have to eat, can take
such a big step and attack two buildings in America with very expensive
planes. They would rather buy some food from that money. Don't you think
food is the better choice?
Are you pointing towards Osama bin
Laden's interview in which he was talking to some other guy and was happy
about what had happened to those two buildings? Why should not he be
happy?
In a minute, you will be clear about
why was he happy? Didn’t you use to hate Muslims after September 11? In
fact, many Muslims got persecuted in the western countries. I didn’t get a
job because of my Hijab. My brother once went outside. He had beard at
that time. A group of guys surrounded him and said “You Taliban, Get out
of our country”. Once I was coming from a shopping mall. I was wearing
Hijab. Two guys hit me with the bottles. My mother was wearing Shalwar
Kamees (a Pakistani dress) in the bus. One woman started criticizing her
and said things like “What is Allah Talla”. Is that the way to talk to
Muslims? Shouldn’t we be treated with respect? Shouldn’t we be given full
rights? If you have four or five brothers and one of them is a terrorist,
should everyone be blamed of his deeds? And nobody wants to talk to you,
invite you, have any kind of relationship with you, what will be the
reaction of your family? Sooner or later you will start hating the
society, which is giving you unnecessary blame, judging you by the
character of your brother and condemning your parents for the faults of
their son? Same is going on with the Muslims and their religion. According
to Westerners our religion is teaching us to become terrorists. They are
exploiting the word Jihad. Jihad means to struggle against our evil
thoughts, persecution, and unnecessary oppression. Jihad can also be done
with the help of pen, if we don’t have the power to speak and act against
some dictator, then we can use our pen meaning we can write against that
person. There are so many kinds of Jihad. Even fasting is a kind of Jihad
in which we fast to gain self-control, so we are struggling against the
basic needs of our body in order to understand the problems faced by the
poor people of the society. Jihad is not what your westerners are taught
about. It has a big meaning and it is a very big word.
Now let's talk about the aftermath of
the September 11. America attacked on Afghanistan and killed so many
innocent people, more than the ones killed in the two buildings. Many
people lost their whole families. Some lost their mothers. Don’t you think
these children, when they will get old, will take revenge from America,
like America took the so called revenge? Then you will call these people
terrorists. Do you think those people who got killed were insects, worms
or did they have no status in front of your eyes? When you used to hear
about the casualties of Taliban, wouldn't you use to enjoy that your
"American Heroes" are killing the so called "terrorists"? For us, it is
the opposite. The so called American heroes are terrorists and the so
called terrorists are heroes in our eyes. Why am I saying that American
heroes are terrorists? This is because when they used to bomb the areas in
Afghanistan; did they know who is getting killed? I doubted. Osama bin
Laden did not get killed in the war; instead the American soldiers
destroyed the whole country. Now there is starvation and poverty in
Afghanistan. Did America provide Afghanistan any food after the war? No.
Did America make Afghanistan any better than it was before? Is Afghanistan
prosperous now? No. But I think it is poorer than before. Americans
provided Afghanistan with food and other necessities during the war to
show the world that their war is not against the people, but against the
terrorists. Do you think that America was justified in taking revenge like
this, killing so many innocent people while the so called terrorists fled
away? After that, America was still not contended with the lives of people
it took and wanted to take more. Therefore, President Bush started a false
propaganda that there are weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, again a
Muslim country, to take revenge for the September 11. U.N.O. ambassadors
were sent to Iraq to find the weapons of mass destruction. They didn't
find any. Then America started another propaganda that they want to
overthrow Saddam Hussein's so called tyrannical regime and killed so many
innocent people. Didn't you use to be happy when you heard about the
casualties in Iraq? Why do you think America attacked Iraq? Was it really
sincere to the people of Iraq? Or was it revenge? If it was to liberate
people from dictatorship, then why didn't America take any action before
September 11? Because you know that Saddam was ruling there for so many
years.
Now let’s see the aftermath of the Iraq
war. Still people are getting killed for their protests. Is that what we
call democracy? So many people are dying everyday. Before Iraq's war, we
didn't hear any Iraqi protesting against his government. You would say
that they would get killed by Saddam's people if they protested. Don't you
think that the same story is going on right now? American soldiers kill
Iraqi people and lie that they were trying to kill American troops. Is the
western democracy telling you to take over another country and kill the
people of that country?
You say that west has democracy. What
about when President Bush was going out for Iraq's war? Many Americans,
mostly Non-Muslims, protested against it? Not only the Americans, but also
U.N.O. (the world organization) and the people from all over the world,
protested against the Iraq’s war. Does democracy teach to break all rules
and go out for war whenever you feel it is right to do so?
One more thing is that if America is so
loyal to people, then why is it not doing anything to stop Human rights
violation in Kashmir? In Kashmir, a woman is raped by so many Hindu men in
front of her husband and son. Don't you think that America should do
anything about those people? Try to free them from Pakistan and India’s
dominations and let them live their own lives? If America can go out for
war against the wills of the people of all over the world, then it can
also take steps to liberate the oppressed people of Kashmir, Palestine.
Have you ever seen the Palestinian youth fighting against the armed
Israeli soldiers, not with the guns, but with stones? Do you think all
these things that are going on in the world are just?
In your letter, you also told me about
how having a job helped you in understanding your husband better and still
you haven’t started any illegal relationship with some other men.
I am sorry for that criticism.
Actually, I was pointing towards the majority of women in western
countries. I was watching television recently and in the news it was told
that more than 50% kids that are born in North America are born out of
illegal relationships. I was really shocked by the news. Muslim women are
also allowed to work but by covering their heads and bodies so that nobody
gets attracted to them. All their attractions and ornaments are only for
their husbands. That is the only difference.
I am not asking you to accept Islam but
I am just trying to clear out the misconceptions you have about Islam. You
said”Islam allows a man to divorce his wife by saying "I divorce you"
(talaq) three times.” Not only the man, but also the woman is allowed to
divorce (khula) her husband by law if her husband drinks and does not
support her family, beats her up, has illegal relationship with some other
woman etc. What Islam doesn’t allow woman is to say I divorce you three
times. She is given more time to go through her decision because most
women are more emotional than men. They get angry quickly and make a
decision very quickly. You can take examples of your mother and
mother-in-law. You have more fights with your mother-in-law than your
father-in-law. Your mother scolds you more than your father. This is often
the case. Therefore, if Muslim women were allowed to divorce their
husbands by saying “I divorce you” three times like the western women do,
then the Muslim society would be like western society, where divorce is
very common. Most men have more grace than woman, power to control their
anger and they think more before doing something dreadful and therefore
are allowed to divorce their wives by saying “I divorce you”, three times.
Then why is it so that divorces are very rare in Islamic society although
most of the marriages are arranged. This is because of the dreadful
consequences of man’s decision of divorcing his wife. If a man divorces
his wife and regrets after that because naturally he will divorce his wife
in the state of anger and wants to remarry his wife, he can’t do that
because his wife has to stay without marriage for four months after he
divorces her to make sure that she is not pregnant with him. Then she has
to marry with some other guy and spend at least one night with her new
husband. If she likes the company of her new husband, then she can remain
with him for as long as she wishes and her old husband can’t force her to
marry him again. He has to face the consequences for what he did. If the
wife wants to reunite with her old husband, then she has to divorce her
new husband and can’t marry to her old husband for four months to make
sure that she is not pregnant with her new husband. After the period of
four months, she can marry her old husband. Did you see how long and
complicated process this is? This is the reason why most Muslim men avoid
divorcing their wives in the first place. There is one more consequence of
the divorce. When a man divorces his wife, he has to pay an amount of
money that is fixed at the time of his marriage. On the other hand, in
western society, if a man divorces his wife, he can remarry her without
facing any difficulties as in the case of Jean Claudde Van Damme.
Also you said “People I've known who've
lived and worked in Muslim countries have said that many divorced Muslim
women are reduced to beggary once their maintenance have run out and
they've sold off their jewelry (oftentimes their only wealth).” This is
not always the case. First of all, the husband has to pay for the
children. The wife also gets the amount which was fixed during the time of
marriage by mutual consent. If that amount is used up, then the wife is
allowed to work somewhere but with her body covered.
You also said “Muslim men may take a
second or third wife or even a fourth wife without the wife's consent.”
This is totally wrong. Polygamy was allowed by Islam when during the wars,
in the time of Prophet Muhammad P.B.U.H, many men were killed leaving
their wives to face the world all alone. To help those ladies, Islam had
allowed the remaining men to marry those ladies to give them security but
with the full consent of their previous wives. Also polygamy helps to
prevent illegal relationships that men might develop because of their
sexual needs, but still he has to get approval from their wives.
You also said “Polygamy leads to
jealousy and hostility between wives”. But you have quoted by yourself
that “Although the Quran (4:3) does make the qualification if the husband
cannot do justice to multiple wives, he should marry only one”. One more
thing that if the wife’s consent is included in the man’s second or third
marriage, then why would she be hostile to other wives if the man gives
her the same time, facilities as he gives to the other wives, as quoted in
the Quran (4:3)
Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him)
married Hazrat Khadija although she was fifteen years older than him and
didn’t marry any other woman during her lifetime. When she died, Prophet
married women when he saw that they were in a real need of a man and
needed security. Then also Prophet did not have more than four wives at
any time. Also he was able to do justice to all of them, that’s why none
of his wives ever wanted to divorce him, which is allowed in the Islam. He
had 11 wives, but never more than four at one time.
And in the end, I want to tell you that
I am one of those lucky people who are born as a Muslim.
Regards,Subject: RE:Re: regarding:women in islam From: SMW To: Islamic Monitor Dear Islamic Monitor: SMW
I took the high ground in responding to the SMW, although I realize that Muslims of SMW's ilk might interpret politeness as weakness. I shared the correspondence with a friend who is a seasoned observer of the Islamic scene. My friend sent this reply, which I include as an example that not everyone's going to stand for the ranting of this woman: Date:
Wed Jul 23, 2003 5:23 pm |