Fields, W. C.

"What contemptible scoundrel stole the cork from my lunch?"

"I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally."

"Start every day off with a smile and get it over with."

"A woman drove me to drink and I never even had the courtesy to thank her."

"Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler."

"After two days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse."

"If at first you don't succeed, try, try, again. Then quit. There's no use being a damn fool about it."

"I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally."

"On the whole, I'd rather be in Philadelphia." - attributed

"It ain't a fit night out for man or beast." - in the film The Fatal Glass of Beer

"I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake - which I also keep handy." - quoted in Corey Ford's Time of Laughter

"I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake-which I also keep handy." - quoted in Corey Ford's Time of Laughter

"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it." - quoted in John Robert Colombo's Popcorn in Paradise