The 'Net Kooks Korner
Wacky prophecies from lone nutters on the ‘net
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2004 CE - Beyond the bizarre horizon... The website that goes by the somewhat less-than-musical name, “UFOs and The Bible - Aliens: Angels or Demons?” is a veritable on-line Disneyland for the paranoid conspiracy theorist/UFO cultist/pyramidologist/Bible-buggy wighead looking for confirmation of their every fear...and introduction to dozens more they hadn’t even considered before logging on. I’d assumed at first that the place was the work of a lone raver frenetically typing the same bizarro stuff page upon eye-crossing page. But, webmaster Brenda of “Watcher Ministries” assures me that there's a genuine collective behind all that electronic eccentricity. I’m still pondering whether I should be relieved or alarmed by that.

  Anyhoo, if there’s a buzz-brained theory these folks have missed amassing on their many manic pages, I’m not aware of it. My fave so far, though, has to be the claim that the Littleton CO. massacre was secretly masterminded by Satanic, New Age, New World Order Pagans (in the service of Ishtar, Moloch and Baal) trying to discredit the NRA. Now, I ask ya’, who says too many kooks spoil the broth?

September 29, 2004 CE - According to Charles Ryals, this date will see the relatively close fly-by of the asteroid Toutatis. Real nasty juju, that, as Charlie expects it to bring gloom and doom and a big, bad boom.

October 17, 2004 CE - Hey, kids! Guess what? If you just obsessively tote up the dimensions of Noah’s Ark you, too, can figure out when the Rapture happens! At least, that’s the “Oopinion” (sic) of one Clay Cantrell, who clearly had too much time, too much Bible-babble and too little of anything else taking up space be’twixt his two wee eardrums when he cobbled his sorry site together...which, alas, appeares to have been taken up into the waitin’ arms o’ Jayzuz...and more than a year before its failure date, too! Now, that's a lack of spirit.

October 4, 2005 CE - Well, now, in the midst of a venue that tends to generate heaps o’ hostility toward the science side of the aisle, isn’t it refreshing to come across a fella’ who positively embraces a “scientific” approach to date slating? Such a one is John Zachary; Rapture rousing numbers cruncher, Nostradamus groupie, short-distance astral traveler, guilty pleasure astrology buff and all-purpose bizarro. Johnny’s got it all worked out via his keen, empirical logic, advanced 1st grade math skills and trips through the astral plane that Jesus will be doing his repeat performance thang before the first autumnal cold snap hits. And in case your tiny, unscientific mind fails to grasp the subtle complexities of his fabulous theory, John’s added a choice selection of links to help the poor, pathetic, non-drivel-drenched reader along. Best of the bunch is unquestionably the site belonging to one David Pensgard, a creation “scientist” crackpot who’s gone to the obsessive-compulsive trouble of cranking out a graphic novel (Yes! A graphic novel! Isn’t that exciting?!) to explain his theories in terms even a ficus would find inane.

September 29, 2004 - 2006 CE - Yet another devotee of the “Satan’s ETs” theory, Arnie Stanton cut and pasted together bits and pieces of Bible Math, Lunar eclipses, Jewish Holidays, State of Israel dating, UFO hysteria and the appearance of asteroid Toutatis and turned the lot into a wiggy website collage. Paranoia reigned supreme in Arnie’s mental kingdom, with an Antichrist, evil alien or other unidentified bogeyman lurking around every corner and under every bush. One of his faves was his obsession with the upcoming Toutatis fly-by. He seemed to believe that it’ll signal the Second Coming...that is, if it doesn’t plow straight into the Earth and kill everybody. Arnie was really keen on asteroid destruction. So much so, that he invented a shiny, new, as-yet-undiscovered-by-science 14.4 mile long asteroid that will whomp smack into us, no ifs, ands or buts, sometime in ‘06. This, according to Arnie will “usher in a thousand year reign of peace”...Well, I suppose a completely lifeless planet could be termed “peaceful”.

  As I'm sure you noticed, Arnie’s claims were kind of all over the place, and the abysmal failure of past predictions didn’t seem to faze him in the slightest. He even kept them all up on his pages at once, so you could taste and compare. Unfortunately, somewhere along the line, a genuine sense of self-consciousness caught up with ol’ Arn’ and the bulk of his pages vanished overnight. In their place, remained nothing but a tiny page devoted to his rock band...of which, he was the only member, and another to his Trombonist Webring...of which, again, he was the only member. Even those have recently vanished into the e-ther, I must report. It’s hard to keep a good Kook down, though. And I’ll be keeping watch, in case Arnie gets the prophetic fever and resurrects his rant pages, once again. Stay tuned.

March 21, 2008 CE - Well, now, if the End is what you’ve got in mind, you could read through the Bible Code cuckoo website of the Lord’s Witnesses from start to finish, page by page, top to bottom ‘till you’d gleaned all they have to give on the subject. But, take my word, it really would be much easier and less painful to simply put a bullet through your brain. It’d certainly save you the trouble I endured of slogging through the endless, repetitive idiocy and mindless minutia that ramble aimlessly on for an utterly stupefying number of neuron numbing pages. See, for all their quoting and convoluted code gibbering, their “theories” all just boil down to the standard “Biblical Week” falderal, with the only rub being figuring out when that first Sunday fell. The LW’s think they’ve got it pegged, though, and are simply zippy as pinheads with the joyful news...Joyful being a highly subjective, necessarily sectarian POV, of course.

2008 CE - Mr. Rick Boston, in answer to a request made on Usenet for information on End Time predictions, was nice enough to reply with one of his own. I’ll let his post speak for itself:

“Well if you would like to add me to the list you are welcome...In my faith the year 1998 is year "Zero" the year 2008 ten years after Zero will be Earthly Completion...the "Holy Mount Zion" a rock cut by no human me it is abviously refering to an astroid that "Will" hit the earth unless we wake up and take measures to change the outcome...Bible prophecy is never a "Definate" is a "Look" into the future of what will happen if no course of action is applied to alter said other words they are a warning of what is to come if we do not change our ways.

People laugh and scoff but i had a vision of the end on two separate occasions...the rebuilding will comence in 2011...the earth will survive but "Millions upon Millions" will not make it...Sometime between now and 2011, the planet Jupiter will turn into a small star...This star should be called ShantarOmegan...
Time will tell, but for now I will

ShantarOmegan : Bleeding at the gates of hell...”

  (You can find more from and about the eccentric and ever-entertaining Rick Boston by typing “” into “Google’s Advanced Groups Search”. These days he seems to be posting as “Far Q”...which I can’t help thinking sounds like a name you’d give a rib joint on Star Trek...and rest assured, his orbit over planet Earth hasn’t degraded a jot.)

2006 - 2012 CE The New & Improved! Doomsdates of Pastor Harry and his prophetic love monkey, Nostradamus. The mind simply reels in contemplation over what he’ll do when 2013 dawns without a sci-fi Savior in sight.

2012 CE - Aussie Kev Peacock is a self-described “skeptic”...He’s also a paranoid conspiracy theorist, UFO nut and first-year science lab drop-out with his own loudly quacking “scientific” theory about magnetic fields, solar flares, aliens, Atlantis and...polar shifts! Kev is 100%, certain that the world cabal of evil scientists are hiding the fact that God is just a race of alien moving men and all the human ethnic groups on Earth are ETs from different planets who were relocated here temporarily. Most important though, the evil scientists are staying mum about the news that the coming polar shift will destroy the whole planet, killing everybody. Well, almost everybody. It seems if you’re one of the real lucky ones, you’ll get properly re-packed, insured against breakage and shipped to a brand new homeworld way across the galaxy. Either way, it’s gonna be a case of g’day cruel world...and good riddance, too, according to Kev. Sadly, Kev seems to have gotten a tad shy about showing off his beloved alien fixation to the wide world, (for free, anyhow) so his page has gone missing. This seems to be a chronic, recurring condition with Kev. He periodically disappeares for a bit, only to pop up once again, all freshly half-baked and shot through with oodles of conspiracy kookiness like nuts in a really good strudel. Last I heard it, Kev is asking folks to fork over hard cash these days. Yes, like many a Kook before him, Kev is attempting to go pro and reserve his ravings for the hard copy market. Here’s wishing him well and hoping he’ll be back online, soon. The ‘net is just is little less nummily nutty without him.

December 21, 2012 CE - This is the exact date of the big Galactic Crossing, when the sperm of our solar system inseminates the womb of the galaxy. In the meantime, Anandites will have to pull some serious psychic overtime to embed a coherent bubble into the actual programme script and vector grid of our future species geometry, habits and morphographics. ...And if you have even the vaguest idea what any of that means, you've got one up on me. Best I can manage after several read-throughs of this meandering site, is that something big and millennial-like is due to happen...But, in a nice way. The New Agey, multi-myth splicing, aura ogling, ABBA obsessed Ananda folks just want to make the universe a better, if more confused, place. And if their site is any indication, they've at least got the confused part down cold.

May 2013 CE...give or take two years - Another one of those tape loop loons who think that life, the universe and everything is nothing more than a replay of dusty, old Bible stories, W. Thor Zollinger worked out his very own, special little End of Timetable. (which has, I'm sorry to say, recently joined the Internet Invisible) It started with Israelis taking back the Temple Mount for sacred bar-b-que parties in August of 2008, described cheesed-off Muslims invading Israel to show them what-for a year later, hummed along to Jesus wandering in all holier-than-thou-like in April of 2013 and topped that with major earthquakes shimmying clean off the Richter Scale to re-connect the continents the following May. Of course, Thor’s schedule didn’t entirely end there. He had plans all set for a thousand years of peace, a big ol’ Final Battle, a Judging section and a re-fabbed, sea-free (a waterphobe’s paradise, I’m guessing) eternal Kingdom. One small-ish trouble though, not long after those earthquakes, the sun was s’posed to freeze in the sky (Yes, that’s right! In Thorsie’s world the sun moves around the earth...which is, apparently, flat) and the moon would refuse to go away, as well. So, properly finishing off his lovely timetable just became impossible, what with not being able to discern stuff like days and dates...and reality and delusion.

2017 CE - The Sword of God Brotherhood had a membership that seemed to consist of little more than the website owner, a person who called him?self “Barnabus”, but displayed a photo of a young woman subtitled “...My old self”. It wasn’t much, as websites go. In fact, was barely anything as “File Not Found” messages go. But it was headed up with the casual missive that the world was scheduled to end in 2017, per the personal promise of the angel Gabriel. The sole survivors of this calamity would only be those who followed the ways of the SoGB. The rest of us, we were assured, would be caste into the flames of hellfire to roast for all eternity for our evil, sinful crimes!!!... Though, as long as he/she/it had our attention, Barney cheerfully encouraged us to purchase or distribute some of his/her/its fine, Earth-friendly products! And who could turn down a heartwarming salespitch like that, huh?

  Well, apparently, lots, ‘cause not too long ago, the Confused One’s site just up and vanished in a puff of apathy, leaving nothing but a 404 error to mark its passing. Surely a set-back for gender-indefinite, fanatical doomsiren, small business entrepreneurs everywhere.

2024-ish CE - How self-absorbed is the average True Believer? I suppose it varies a bit from TB to TB. But, this one, Michael Ecklund, devoutly believes that God whacked one of his firefighting buddies just so Mikey could show off his new bagpipe playing skills at the guy’s funeral. After reading that, somehow, the rest of his harpings about meteors and angels and sin and how God is going to conveniently knock off everyone who doesn’t believe exactly what little Mikey does, just loses any of its power to surprise.

2003 - 2028 CE - It’s hard to say just what Stewart C. Best thinks will do the Earth in. He’s got so many choices. Although catastrophists as a species aren’t known for their sense of subtlety, Stewie distinguishes himself from the crowd by being an absolute Olympic champion of eschatological overkill. His wiggy website is a-wash with disasters of every stripe, all presented amid a barrage of Bible quotes, in a mad mix of font colors, styles and sizes (mostly loud and large) emphasizing a tone of hair-raising, spittle-foaming, eyeball-bleeding hysteria. Not that he has anything against the doom-to-come. Oh, heavens, no! In truth, Stew describes each and every gory detail with such meticulous, loving, seat dampening, orgiastic glee that one almost feels compelled to smoke a cigarette and hose the monitor down after perusal.

  The pages drip with such choice catastrophes as America (or “Babylon” as Stew delightfully refers to it) being utterly destroyed by a sneaky nuke attack, then sinking into a lake of “molten fire”. Earthquakes shaking, volcanoes erupting, polar ice melting, floodwaters rising, mad Moslems attacking, killer comets impacting, weather storming, tidals waving, anarchy reigning, the anti christing, the moon spinning out of its orbit and, of course,...the poles shifting are the order of the Last Days. Stew’s tippy-top obsession, however, is with the sun, which he is certain will go nova sometime between 2003 and 2028...Or maybe even in 2003 and 2028. Hey, the more, the merrier, in Stew’s interior world! Of course, these lil’ novas are also potentially survivable...albeit for just a select and very special few. And naturally, one can enhance the chances of being among those lucky leftovers by purchasing the many, many, many audio cassettes, video tapes and self-published books, all starring Stewie and his psychosis that he tirelessly hawks all over his site. It’s so great to know that not only can one find salvation in this day and age, one can charge it on MasterCard, Visa or American Express.

2028 CE - Right from the top, Jim, the siteowner of “Asteroid Doomsday Countdown Clock” admits that NASA has completely refuted their earlier calculations that asteroid 1997XF was going to be passing dangerously close to Earth in 2028. But, hey, if he just accepted that, he wouldn’t have this nifty paranoid website to kvetch about it, now would he?

2030 CE - I get email. Oh, my, do I ever get email. Some of it is even vaguely comprehensible. Lots of people seem to have a problem with my site or my attitude or just plain me. I get teary-eyed pleas for conversion, threats of hell and chortles of typed laughter over my imminent and well-deserved doom. I get prayers, I get Bible quotes (reams of them), I get clippings from news sites and loon pages. I’ve gotten a few threats of legal action, which amuse me no end and a few threats of bodily harm, which neither I nor the perps’ ISPs found quite so entertaining. Of course, not everyone who’s written me has a brain marked, “Abby-something”. And there are even a few folks who’ve graced my In box with a positive comment or two.

  But, positive or negative, abby or normal, the one thing my mailbox just doesn’t seem to attract too often are prophecies. Ironic, isn’t it? Kind’a disappointing, too. So, it was with true surprise and delight that I opened a post last June from one Janus Gregoric, titled “Earth signs climaxing” It’s a post-Soviet delectation by a “Dr. Eve” that rises to dizzying heights of splendid schizophrenic lunacy by incoherently rambling on every little thing from the Satanic meaning of “Ozzu Osbourne” (sic) to the Nazihood of Mrs. Tony Blair and ex-Spice Girl, Cilla Black. Along the way, Evie also makes some quality raving time for Rasputin, the Lindburgh kidnapping, John Lennon, alternate universes, Che Guevara, Vladimir Putin, Jesus and the Virgin, the end of it all circa 2030 and David Beckham and Manchester United’s chances for a boffo football season.

  There’s also a rather vague allusion to a “zebra act”...the exact nature of which I believe is best not to even contemplate on.

  In sum, one would be hard-pressed to ask for a more perfect little look into a rabidly bat-infested belfry. I don’t normally publicly link the letters I get. But, this was an exceptional exception. Just watch your step when you go, the guano’s thick on the ground.

2034 CE - John Denton likes to think of himself as a practical, business-like, no-nonsense kind’a guy with a keen appreciation of the finer points of contract law, the rules of a solid, market-based economy and the importance of maintaining a strict corporate infrastructure. So, leave it to Johnny D. to suss out an Armageddon that ends up looking like nothing so much as a bank foreclosure on a bad loan.

  Actually, that would only be from the non-saved point-of-view. For those lucky enough to open up the same Christmas Club account John has, he promises Doomsday will be more like having a really big IRA mature. Personally, I’m not familiar with IRAs that guarantee to kill off all other investors who put their money in other banks. But, then, I’ve never invested in the Lord.

September 14, 2047 CE 03:28 AM SET - Once upon a time the on-line Church of !BLAIR! boasted a website containing a perfectly good apocalyptic prophecy. After all those meteors, asteroids, angry gods, aliens and polar shifts, it was really refreshing to learn that Armageddon would come at the furry hands of extra-terrestrial, rainbow-colored lemurs wielding deadly giant burritos. Unfortunately, the siteowner, Reverend Clifford Gdansk the Ix, got bored of the place, tore the scriptures down and then abandoned what was left to the virtual elements. Pity. (Reference to the Co!B! can be found at The Ontario Consultants on Religious Tolerance)

No Dates...As Yet

  Klaus Wagner, über ‘Net Kook and Princess Di obsessive, doesn’t believe the world will end. Only the nasty, sinful Age. He also firmly believes that Queen Elizabeth II is the Beast of Revelation and Tony Blair, her evil prophet. And he’s sure both will die horribly at the hand of God. Back in August, Herr Wagner, himself, was good enough to contact me in order to correct some of my information. According to Klaus, although he pegs Queen Liz solidly as "The Beast #666", he wants everyone to know that he considers that to be a whole ‘nuther critter from the Antichrist. In fact, he sees the confusion of the two as being part of some evil, heretical, probably Royal Family-related conspiracy. So, Klaus’ Queen is not the Antichrist, but she is a Beast. And, y’know, looked at that way, I can sort’a see where he’s coming from. But then, anybody would look just as dreadful in those hats.

  Note: Klaus has a regular habit of disappearing into the electronic ether without explanation. Victim of a Windsorian conspiracy? Off to build a fortress against the fall of civilization? Keeps running afoul of a butterfly net? You decide. In any case, it’s best to hop on over to take a look-see while one can, because one never knows how long the view will last.

  William D. Brehm doesn’t believe in setting dates. Well, not super precise ones, anyway. He’s the shy, coy, retiring sort who just likes to whine “Real soon now!!!” over and over and over and over and over until even Ghandi would feel compelled to smack him good and hard. You know the type. His website does have the occasional level-headed debunking of a paranoid myth here and there, along with frequent pleas to his fellow travelers not to be such nudniks while the heathen are watching. But, mostly, Will tends to wander about in a forest of redundancies, self-congratulation and near-stupefying ignorance of any faith or philosophy outside of his own. Amusing for his frequent lapses into pure delusion. Worth the price of a double-click.

  So, it's Armageddon...It’s not like it’s the end of the world! At least not if you have enough God-bits in you to travel back in time and become one with the deity! Clearly, Ciaran Ryan, the siteowner of 2001 Online got a little mentally lost one day while watching old Star Trek episodes and created his own rather quaint apocalyptic cosmology to give his addled brain cells something to do. Well, I suppose everyone needs a hobby.

  Smug anti-Catholic crank Todd Strandberg created an unintentionally hilarious page to ask the eternally pointless question: Is the reader really Rapture Ready? It’s filled to overflowing with neurotically self-satisfied, superstitious nonsense, like endless lists of current news items reinterpreted with near-orgasmic glee to portend the Last Days and a notice to poor, lonely “unsaved” types who he presumes will fly to his site for answers in the wake of the Rapture. Oddly enough, Todd also has a short, amusing list of failed apocalyptic prophecies. Unfortunately, he seems to think he’s nothing like this list of laughable losers because...he doesn’t set any specific dates...Right. That makes all the difference.

  Toddy got to bask in Andy Warhole's promised 15 minutes, recently, when he turned up as a featured flake in TIME Magazine's article, "Apocalypse Now" (July 1, '02). As a piece of journalism, it was a sad waste of space and little more than a 13 page commercial for Christian fringe wiggies in general and Tim LaHaye, in particular. Still, it's always fun to see one of my kooks get a little spotlight time...and not even dead or in handcuffs! That's an accomplishment right there!

  Yes, it's happened! The True Gog of Magog has at last been revealed! It’s Vladimir Putin!...Who?...Vladimir Putin, who is (for readers in the US who are more likely able to name all the hairstylists on Dawson’s Creek before they could peg a single world leader we are not currently at war with) the President of the Russian Federation. According to the quaintly addled owner of it simply had to be true. He had all the Bible quotes to prove it. Of course, back before January 1, 2000, he had all the Bible quotes to prove that the Y2K bug would cause civilization to collapse in a big ol’ electronic heap. But, we’ll just try to forget that. Certainly, the siteowner did. In fact, recently, the site owner just decided to forget everything, altogether and turned over his webspace, domain name and all, to a movie promo company. A true loss for kook watchers web wide...though, a boon for those who were just dying for another site devoted to Warner Bros. trailers.

  “Welcome to the End Days!” So sang the cheery title of a homey little Catholic site devoted to harping on the joyful news that everyone in the world who isn’t a Catholic will soon be killed in gruesome, hideous ways. Far too coy to reveal anything like a date that could pass embarrassingly by, the owners of this little corner of the Web instead relied on repetitions of xenocidal holy ghost stories and admonitions not to pass on hailing Mary because it was all gonna happen “real soon, now”. Instead,...well,...what can I say but, requiescat in pace, loonpage?
  (Thanks to Brian Dean for the info.)

  Dedicated readers will recall when it was possible to take a Mr. Toad-esque wild ride into the jumbled mind of Mr. Paul John Eleusinian, a former airline pilot (!!!!!) turned genuinely mentally ill, frenetically hypergraphic ‘Net Kook. Words fail to explain the site’s contents. I could only encourage folks to take a look-see for themselves and read until they couldn’t stand it anymore...which, I shouldn’t imagine ever took too long. Though, like a really bad train wreck, onlookers found themselves morbidly drawn back, again and again and again...Or, at least, they did until the site vanished into the virtual night. Despite that, I’ve decided to keep this reference here, like a little place-holder in honor of a truly outstanding ‘Net Kook...And just in case Paul John ever manages to outfox his keepers and pop up on the web, again.

  WARNING: Before perusing the DemonBusters site it is very, very important to make sure that you are not, repeat NOT a demon! As the Universal No sign says right up front, "NO DEMONS ALLOWED!" So, if you're sporting hooves and a tail, you just surf right on out'ta there, swee'pea! No sect, no soul, no service! True toxic avengers are the gang behind the DemonBusters site. You won't find an exact date anywhere. But, you will find a super-deluxe gift basket of every right-wing wighead conspiracy kook's End Times delusion known to Man. If you can stand the hate radiating with thermo-nuclear intensity from every page, you'll be amazed and amused by the free-flowing dementia on display.

  Humans have been lied to about absolutely EVERYTHING!!!! ( You mean, that dress really does make me look fat?!) So shrieks the breathless warning at the tippy-top of the home page of the Thulians, a puny, but peppy doom-dreamin' saucer cult bent on giving the zonked-out Zetas a run for their money. The Thulians are yet another gang of hapless hangdogs who have so little sense of self-worth they can only begin to feel human by telling themselves they're space aliens. Or, to be specific, the hybridized descendants of space aliens. To be even more specific, the good hybridized descendants of space aliens. The bad hybridized descendants of space aliens (known as the "Aryans", by the by, 'cause the Thulians seem to get their meanies right out of WWII movies) want to kill off most everyone else with either germ warfare (in the form of AIDS, natch') or a killer meteor...or comet...or something... So long as it's big-ass, they're not picky.

  The Thuli-o's go into great detail about how the evil Aryans are going to go about this dastardly deed: How they're going to knock some roving planetesimal out of its orbit, sending it perfectly earthward. How the "chosen" will survive in city-sized bunkers not only here on the homeworld, but off on Mars! All of which is kind'a remarkable considering they're are also dead certain that these self-same Aryan id'jits were too inept to go to the moon back in the '60's and faked it all with painted canvas and cardboard. Guess there's been a secret quantum leap in Evil Aryan Space Tech since then. Which only makes sense, of course. It's just part of the big conspiratorial LIE.
(Thanks to Gary LittleBear for digging these cracked lil' gems up.)

Note For Suggested Additions To The 'Net Kooks List

The criteria are as follows:

1. Prospective Kook must have/had a ‘Net presence. Either a website or Usenet/Web Forum posts that can be linked to and/or quoted from.

2. Prospective Kook must have made an APOCALYPTIC prophecy. Prophecies that aliens will land to give Martha Stewart their recipe for the perfect crabcake or that Rush Limbaugh will reveal he’s a genetically re-engineered manatee don’t count.

3. Prospective Kook can be an intentional Kook. Satire, prophetic parody and even troll personas are welcome, provided they meet the other requirements.

4. Prospective Kook need not have a specific doomsdate. Although, if you can use your powers of persuasion to goad the little lambchop into making one, it’s always appreciated.

5. Prospective Kook must NOT be a Professional Kook. If they’re published authors, televangelists, radio ranters or have a cult comprised of non-imaginary followers, they belong in the regular chronology or the links page.

Relevant Newsgroups

alt.apocalypse - Smaller than I’d expected, but still lots of fun. Most of the conversation revolves around Christian apocalyptic ravings, though the occasional survival nut or UFO cultist will drop in for a post or two. - Pre-Y2K bust, this place used to really cook, and its special dish was mega-dense fruitcake. It still gets the royal wingnuts, mind you, but at only a fraction the traffic. Still, look for Biblical apocalypse-hoppers, conspiracy theorists and right wing wackos aplenty. If your mind can stand the unbridled horror of knowing there are people out there who are this utterly removed from reality, yet are not locked up safely in an upholstered play-pen, check it out.

alt.religion.apparitions - Primarily Catholic, obviously. Dinky ng. Not much going on there.

alt.christnet.second-coming.real-soon-now - The ng to see if you’re in the market for kooks who think they’re Christ. The species seems to gravitate toward this particular group like dryer lint to cheap pantyhose.

alt.religion.end-times.prophecies - Mostly Biblical apocalypses get bandied about, though comets and earth changes crawl in and out of frequent cracks and conspiracy theories abound, along with a touch of UFO fantasies just for spice. Worth a look.

alt.prophecies.cayce - Despite the name, there’s actually not much talk about Edgar Cayce on this ng. Well, how often can one prattle on about polar shifts? Not a bad group, a reasonable amount of dialog. Mostly, the discussions revolve around the usual Second Coming cheering squads, New World Order headcases and assorted other puffery. Don’t worry too much about middle-of-thread confusion, either, as the conversations usually hover around a 4th grade reading comprehension level.

alt.prophecies.nostradamus - Refreshingly enough, there is actually a fair percentage of posters who are not deep water credophiles in this ng. Though that just may be a side effect stemming from the fact that not one of the posters can ever agree with another. - Not that interesting, actually. A few scant prophecies tossed in amongst piles and piles of Bible babble and crossposts to and from alt.atheism. A great, big slog-through for a teeny tiny pay-off. - Enough with all this blathering about when the world is going to end! What these folks want to get into is the nitty-gritty about how. No, no, no, no...I don’t mean how the Lord is gonna do it, or how Nature is gonna do it, or how the aliens are gonna do it. These guys want to know how they can do it! Right in the comfort and privacy of their own home planet! Yes, this is the practical, Doomsday For Dummies, nuts and bolts ng for do-it-yourself apocalypticists. A kind of “This Old Holocaust” or “Ask Mr. Evil Mad Scientist” for the terminally inclined. So, forget those wimpy newsgroups with their whiney posts about dates and deities and dusty old poesy writers, if you really want to know what it takes to play Tony Soprano to Terra Firma, this is the ng for you.

alt.atheism - For some reason, every ‘net ninny with a stray dogma to sell thinks that this ng is really called “”. Despite what a.a. was originally set up for, it’s become a homing beacon for every whacked out god-botherer on the planet with access to a modem. This, then, is the place to find some of the funniest lunatic drivel on the ‘net (much of it apocalyptic) from brain-fried fanatics of just about every persuasion. It’s also one of the few places said loonies can’t get away with spewing nonsense without getting slapped upside the head with a Reality Stick courtesy of the a.a. regulars. Warning: very, very, VERY heavy traffic.

misc.survivalism - Utterly eclipses the loony toons of This is hard-core, paranoid, pea-brain country, friends, where right-wing conspiracy rants flow like beer at the Superbowl and the End is always just a black helicopter whir away. Since these folks have turned wild-eyed, raving fear into a lifestyle, the post-Y2K humiliation-fest barely even slowed them down! And the attack on the World Trade Center? Heck, the place practically looked like a big ol’ militia cell-block party after that. But even if there’s a drought of big terrorist attacks and Georgie’s “war” fizzles like daddy’s did in a few months or so, you can bet there’ll be plenty of entertainment to be had over every half-baked apocalyptic craze to mosey on down the pike in the months and years to come. Warning: Even heavier traffic than alt.atheism.

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