I’m in the process of discussing my world-view with a friend right now, and I thought it would be good to add parts of the discussion to my journal. It’s something very important to understanding who I am, and if I can spend lots of time writing it to one person, why not let everyone read it?
The discussion started with me including the following in a letter: "Me, I'm naive and think people should be able to do what they want to, and that no topic should be taboo, and people shouldn't live their lives behind multiple layers of masks. What do I know?" I was asked for an expansion of these points, especially since by that argument, I should be allowed to kill someone if I want to, and here’s what came out (slightly edited to protect certain people):
Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law. I do not believe that murder is wrong. However, if one wants freedom of action, one also must take responsibility for the consequences of one's actions. In order to make the decision to kill someone, you have to analyze the consequences. Will someone seek revenge? Is there a legal system in place that I cannot circumvent that will punish me? Is killing that person worth the punishment? Is the punishment a punishment? Will I punish myself by feeling guilty for the rest of my life? Things like that. If I still want to kill a person even after considering all that, then I will go ahead and do so. I don't see how this interferes with my freedom in any way. What I really don't want is to have gone through that whole decision-making process and then find out that my body has been conditioned by society such that it is incapable of carrying out my wishes. I'm still fighting that battle, against the indoctrination that my body/brain went through. For instance, I have gone through the whole pro/con argument about discussing sex on my web page, but I'm still unable to do it. It doesn't feel right yet. So I know it's something that I'll have to slowly ease my body into, and/or put more thought into. I haven't yet found a way to talk about what I want to in that regard so that it feels right for me, and I'm not betraying certain trusts that I hold dear. There are some things that I want to talk about, and that wouldn't be telling any secrets, but I'm still too embarassed and hesitant to actually write about them.
I need to be aware of my environment to do this. I know (sort of) what actions are deemed okay to general mass society. The legal ones I'm aware of, and since I value my freedom of movement very highly, I'm not willing to break laws that will put me in jail or give a permament record. The social rules I don't like all that much (it seems to many people that masks are essential), and so I cultivate a group of friends that I don't have to wear masks around (well, I can wear less of a mask, anyway. Nothing's perfect). I don't have to be perfect all the time, they know I'm fallible, they forgive, I forgive.
I personally don't like actions that hurt other people. But, consider this: I spend hundreds of dollars a month on things I don't need. I could walk to work, I could live on $5.00 of food a week, I could not buy books and computer stuff. All of that money could be going to save lives elsewhere. By choosing instead to spend it on me, I am causing great harm to other people (I believe harm by inaction is the same as harm by action). Coming to grips with this fact is difficult. So, I do a quick cost benefit analysis on it, and realize that society will not punish me for not sending money. And I am perfectly comfortable in allowing survival of the fittest to continue. Hmm. I didn't mean to be that harsh. I just find that the only way I can deal with not helping like that is buy aknowledging that it doesn't matter to me. The people who I do not know are not important to me. Now, I have a close friend who donates a lot of money and time to needy people, and I have great respect for her. I think what she's doing is good because she enjoys doing it. And I like that fact that our society has people like her. I don't think it would function as well as it does without people who do give in that manner.
I was conditioned from an early age to help people; people that I know, that are close to me, and can have an influence on my life. It's not altruistic. If it was altruistic, I'd be doing things to help people that I don't know. I help people because I enjoy it a lot, and the effort expended is, as far as I can tell, worthwhile. I really like helping people in school stuff, because I love to see people actually understand something that just seemed bizarre before. Also, being known as a nice, friendly, caring person means that people are more willing to put up with my odd quirks. And if I wasn't nice, I don't think I'd like myself, and so what fun is that?
Now, I was asked for "acceptable behaviour in a society according to Terry" -- I'm not sure of the meaning of that phrase. Is it the behaviour of a specific individual within a society, or what would be the optimal society that I would like to live in? If it's the former, than it is to analyze the society so that you can be happy in it (or, find some other society to go to). If you think improving the society is worthwhile, go for it, but you don't have to (I have a weird belief that societies are dynamic systems that can take care of themselves, because there are always people who feel strongly enough about changing it. I'm just not one of those people). As for the later option, well, I'd like a society where people can make their own choices as to what to learn about, and no topic is simply not talked about.
One issue that is still a problem for me in such a society is when do you give children responsibility for their actions. For example: sex. It makes no sense to me at all to say that sex between certain ages is not allowed. What about people who mature faster/slower? But, it's a really dangerous topic in today's society. It's something you're not allowed to talk about. In today's current society I would not ever pursue a relationship with someone under the legal age, because of my afore-mentioned distaste of going to jail. If I was in a society that had no such taboos, I would simply have to make the judgment for myself. Of course, it would be the same conditions that would apply to sex and/or pursuing a relationship in general: Do I trust this person? Do I feel comfortable with this person? Would a relationship hurt me or them right now? Do they (I) trust/feel comfortable with me (them)? And so on. Psychology at a young age is so dangerous, and I know so little about it. But I think that if I was in a society where it was allowed, and I met someone who met my criteria for a relationship (which is pretty complex and requires a very mature person), I would pursue it. I don't think age should matter. Maturity definitely matters, but you can have immature 30-year-olds and mature 15-year-olds, and I really don't like the arbitrary line idea. I know why it's there, but I also know that making something forbidden is the surest way to make people want to do it. But, the question is how can you possibly determine when you should start to treat a person as a fully responsible adult? Do we have a test you have to pass to become a full person? (Answer: NO! Testing has so many problems associated with it that it's worse than the original problem.) Do you have a vote? Or an ordeal you have to go through? Or do you just pick an arbitrary limit and say "Okay, that's the limit, and it's not a perfect answer but it's the best we've got, so deal with it."
Um, what else... oh, one other thing I want to point out. I've led a fairly sheltered life. White, middle-class, Canadian, Protestant (vaguely raised that way, anyway). Couldn't get any more majority. Anyway, that means that I know little about things like poverty, government injustice, prejudice, and so on. What this means to me is that there is a large part of my environment that I don't know about. I find this slightly... dangerous. I want/need to know a little about everything. I'm not handling this problem well right now. Mind you, I'm not sure what I should be doing about it. Maybe that's why I've been so interested in the gay/bi issue. I've never really dealt with that sort of oppression/prejudice before.