White Water

When I was in college, several of us decided to go canoeing on the Little Man. We got a deal at a camp near Irons, Michigan. "Where in the heck is Irons, MI?" That was the subject of several bumper stickers that we saw. If you can't find Irons on a map, hold up your left hand so you can see the back. Irons is a little above the left side of a wedding ring if you are wearing one.

We got a deal on the camp because it was a little early in the year to go camping in Michigan. But we were able to get cheap rates for camping and canoeing by going in the off season. (Something very important for college students.)

We met in one of the parking lots on campus. It was sunny and warm in the parking lot as we waited for people to arrive. As everyone arrived, they left their gear in a mountain beside the cars. In fact, the mountain of gear looked larger than the cars. We started to shove the mountain of gear into the cars. When we got near the bottom of the mountain, it was a lot of work to get everything shoved into the trunks of the cars. But, we finally got everything into the trunks. Of course, we had to sit on the trunk lid to get it closed. Then, we would open the trunk and stuff in the ends of bags that were hanging out. Someone would sit on the trunk to get it closed again. Finally, all the cars were loaded.

Someone asked, "is everyone here?"

Jim replied, "we have to pickup Karen on the way."

I asked, "where are we going to put her? There isn't any room."

We had four people across the back. There was four people in the front. (The driver, a person on the far right, someone on his lap and a person in the center. When it was time to shift, Jim would say, "ready, shift". The person in the center would stand up and shift.)

Jim answered, "someone can sit on the laps of the people in the back seat."

This was possible because it was before there were any seat belt laws. But, it was still a three hour drive; even at 70 MPH. (Which was the speed limit back then.)

When we got to Karen's house, she came out caring a suit case in each hand. [pause] She had a garbage bag under each arm. [pause] She had a pillow under her chin. (This was a weekend trip!)

Jim ask, "Which one of those are you taking?"

Karen protested that she needed everything. Jim showed her the car. She continued to insist it was all necessary for a weekend campout. After Jim started to leave, she decided the two garbage bags could under her feet in the front seat. The pillow could go in her lap. And, the suit cases could go in the house. We couldn't put gear under the feet of the people in the back seat and expect them to hold a person on their lap.

We arrived at camp after dark, and we needed to find a good site for our tents. Many of the people had never camped before. But the experienced people in our group used a method to pick a site for our tests used by many a great explorer. (We selected a site directly in front of the car headlights.)

Since it was late and college students like to eat, some of us pitched tents while the others started dinner. As we got the tents pitched, we traded off helping with dinner, so the others could pitch their tents. We got all the tents up, and it was time for dinner. We were having sloppy joes. I was looking forward to dinner partly because I like sloppy joes and partly because it was more of a midnight snack than a dinner.

It took a big bite of the sloppy joes and started to chew. I spit it out and asked, "who salted the sloppy joes?"

"I did", said Jim.

"I did", said Karen.

"I did", said Bob.

"I did", said Steve.

"I did", said Barb.

"I did", said Debbie.

"I did", said Joe.

"I did", said Randy.

"I did", said Dave.

"I did", said Sally

Finally everyone had confessed to salting the sloppy joes.

There was quite a line for the water jug. I decided to go strait to the pump. Have you ever tried using a pump with one person? You pump and pump and pump and pump and finally the water starts to flow. Your run around the front and cup your hands under the pump and get a few drops of water in our hand. You run back and pump again. You pump until the water starts flowing again. You run around the front, cup your hands and you get a few drops of water in your hands. Finally, you are tired enough that you loose interest in the water.

After dinner it was time for the second worst thing about camping. (No, not doing the dishes.) It's crawling into that cold sleeping bag. You get undressed and crawl in. It's like cutting a hole in the ice and jumping into the cold water. But, eventually, you warm up and drift off to sleep.

Morning comes. It's now time for the worst part of camping. Getting out of that warm sleeping bag. While I laid there convincing myself I really should get up, I could hear someone had already started the fire. I decided I could get dressed quickly and run over to the fire. That would minimize the shock of the cold on my body. So, I laid out all the cloths, got out of the sleeping bag, jumped into my pants, threw on a shirt and coat, and shoved on my socks and shoes. I threw open the tent. It snowed last night

I looked around and a white blanket covered everything. As I walked over to the fire, I thought to myself, I'm not nuts enough to go canoeing in this weather.

About then Jim walked up and said, "Are we going canoeing in this stuff?"

I replied, "Sure! Are you going to let a little snow stop you? Besides, it will all be melted by the time we get on the river."

Several people already had canoeing partners already. Many of us didn't. I was one of the people without a partner. I noticed Debbie standing by her self.

So, I asked her, "Do you have anyone to canoe with?"

Debbie replied, "No."

I asked, "Would you like to canoe with me?"

She said, "Yes. Could I be in the back?"

I asked, "Have you ever been canoeing?"

"No", she said.

I asked, "Ahh, [pause] you know that the person in the back does the steering?"

She replied, "Yes."

I got into the canoe first. She then passed our gear in and I stowed it in the center of the canoe. I kept low trying to be a good example as I moved up to the front.

Debbie got in, and we pushed off. We canoed across the river ... right across the river and into the brush on the other side. The bank on the other side was covered with thorn bushes. (I wasn't concerned with figuring out what they were. I was more concerned about getting myself unstuck.)

Debbie asked, "Are you all right?"

I replied, "Sure. These thorns aren't very sharp. Just start paddling backwards."

We both paddled backwards. The thorns hung onto me. The bushes leaned out into the river trying to keep their grip on me. But finally, they let go and snapped back to their place. The canoe popped out, and we headed back toward the other bank a little down river from where we started.

I shouted, "Turn now!"

Debbie shouted back, "What do you mean these thorns aren't sharp?! Paddle forwards!"

The thorns were just as fond of Debbie as me. They hung onto her with all their might. We kept paddling and the canoe popped out into the river again.

I shouted, "Turn now!"

This time the canoe made a nice gentle turn. We were no longer heading toward the bank. We were headed down the river. Backwards! But still, we were making progress. It was now a "simple" matter of getting the canoe turned around."

Soon, we got steering under control. About that time, we came around a bend in the river and ran into a number of trees that had fallen across the river. (Thud!) Dave and Randy were working to force their canoe under the logs. Dave pushed the canoe down and Randy pushed it a fraction of an inch forward. Their canoe was about a quarter of the way under. It looked like they could be their all day. We got out on the logs and pulled our canoe over. It took a bit of work but we didn't dump the canoe or fall in the river. We got back in and headed down the stream. Dave and Randy now had their canoe about half way under the log.

I didn't expect it to snow while we were on the river, but it did. It snowed big, juicy snow flakes that almost splashed when they hit the canoe. The snow was kind of fun to watch, but it soon turned to sleet. The sleet wasn't bad either. It was fun to watching it bounce when it hit the bottom of the canoe. It made a nice pinging sound. Soon, the sleet became rain. The rain wasn't as entertaining.

The Boy Scout motto is "be prepared". We weren't Boy Scouts, and we weren't prepared. Of the snow, sleet and rain, the rain was the worst, because it made us wet and even colder. Our hands got stiff, red and began to hurt. It was getting hard to hold the paddle.

What we needed was a war chant. Something to take our minds off the cold and focus us on a goal. We needed something to inspire us. I had the perfect chant. "Warm food ... dry cloths ... warm food, dry cloths, warm food dry cloths ...." It was working we were paddling harder, and pretty soon we could see the landing.

We paddled hard and beached our canoes in the sand. I jumped out, the front of the canoe popped up, and I pulled the canoe, and I pulled the canoe the rest of the way onto the shore. We took of our life jackets and grabbed our gear. A couple guys from the canoe livery grabbed our canoe and tossed it on the trailer.

The only white water we saw was the snow and sleet. But, we did discovered heaven. It's a bunch of damp people crowded onto an old school bus with the heater running while we drank hot chocolate.