"Can we go home now Al?
I'm tired." My brother Jeff struggled to catch up to my long strides. He
was only 2 years younger than me, but we looked totally different. I was
tall and muscular, and he had short, stubby legs and a little round belly
that hung over the waistband of his pants. I was stuck with him tagging
along because Mom hadn't come home yet.
"No, I haven't taken any pictures
and my art assignment's due tomorrow!" I quickened my pace and headed towards
the nearby mountains. "We'll just check out one more spot and then we'll
go home."
Clouds were forming a swirling grey
mass overhead, suggesting a change from the warm, sunny weather we had
been having.
"There!" I exclaimed as I pointed
out the perfect picture: a cave just on the edge of a clearing, surrounded
by rowan trees. But Jeff had already run into the cave before I could stop
him. I hurried into the cave after him, only to discover he had disappeared
into one of the numerous caverns glowing with stalactites and stalagmites....
Suddenly out of the corner of my
eye, I caught sight of something moving in the shadows. "Okay Jeff," I
thought,
you're dead!" I walked towards the
shadows, ready to pounce on my brother when I realized that it was a little
brown puppy. When it saw me, the puppy ran off. I followed it into a dark
passageway that became progressively smaller. Soon the passageway was so
small that I had to crawl on my hands and knees to get through. I turned
a corner and came across a beautiful sight: the cave opened up and I was
now overlooking a
large valley.
"Psst! Hey long-legs!" A gravelly
voice awoke me from my reverie. "Yea, you with the backpack! Get down here!"
I looked down to find a skull staring
at me through empty eye sockets and I screamed.
"Shhh stupid! You wanna get yourself
killed? Not that it matters to me, I'm already dead!" The skull chuckled
but stopped when he saw me bending down to get a closer look. "Yea, pick
me up. I got some info for you...if you want it, that is."
"Oh, and what would that be, Mr.
Bonehead?" I sneered. For, after all, I was talking to a skull.
"Hey, no name calling! Pick me up
and I'll tell you-but you better be nice!"
Doing as I'd been instructed, I held
the skull carefully in my hands. He told me that my brother had been kidnapped
and if I wanted to see him again, I better pay attention.
"Okay" I said, annoyed at his smart-aleck
attitude, "So tell me how I can get my brother back!"
"You have to take me with you, because
I know everything and you'll never rescue your brother without me." The
skull paused dramatically. "First we go visit Buff."
"Who is Buff?" I asked, not quite
sure I wanted to know.
"Buff? Oh, he's a friend of the family.
He lives down by that big oak tree. Come on, let's go already, it's getting
late!"
"Okay, you asked for it, Bonehead!"
I took the skull and stuffed him in my backpack, along with my camera,
paints and thermos full of coffee.
"Mmmph!" I could hear muffled complaints
emanating from my pack as I made my way down the steep slope to the edge
of the forest. I walked for about twenty minutes, enjoying the scenery
and the fresh air.
"Uh, pardon me miss, but do you happen
to have a fairly large nail file?" I turned around and saw a large brown
dragon. My knees felt like rubber and I stifled a scream. "Oh my, please
miss, don't be scared. It's so awfully dreadful. I'd have to eat you or
something, and that would really ruin my image, not to mention my superb
dental hygiene."
The dragon backed up, looked at me
questionably, and sniffed. "You smell familiar, miss. Do I know you, perchance?"
I was dumbfounded by the politeness of this overgrown lawn ornament.
Just as I was about to speak, I heard
the skull say something, but it was muffled by my pack. As I pulled the
skull out the dragon exclaimed, "Sidney, old pal! I should have known it
was you that smelled! How are you doing?"
"It's Sid, Buff, and aside from laying
on a bunch of mouldy leaves and then being crammed into a stuffy backpack-I'm
just peachy!"
"B-b-b-buff?" I stammered. "This
is Buff?" I pointed at the dragon, who had begun to inspect it's nails
for cracks
and chips.
"Yep, that's him." Sid replied."He
ate my mother's sister, my brother and my dad before he became a beauty
consultant and talent agent for otherworldly beings. He got E.T. his movie
career!" Sid the skull seemed proud to have such an important, distinguished
acquaintance.
"All right, fine. But how's he going
to help us rescue my brother?" I asked.
Sid replied, "Duh...Buff's a dragon!
He's gonna fly us to Enoch the Troll's castle, where your brother is being
kept."
"Oh dear, I get simply dreadful headaches
from heights." Buff whined, "Do we have to?"
"Come on. Climb up!" At Sid's order,
I climbed up onto Buff's back and we were off.
As we flew through the air over the
treetops, I could see we were rapidly approaching a large, sinister-looking
castle perched on a craggy mountain top. We landed with a thump just outside
the gate.
"Okay Sid, any good ideas now?"
"Hey, I only said that I knew where
your brother was, not how to rescue him!"
Buff had a look of serious concentration
on his face. "Hey, I have an idea!" He said. "You're an artist, right?
Well, you could keep Enoch busy by painting a portrait of him while I go
around back to get your brother."
"Okay, but I hope this works, Buff!"
I was a little nervous. After all, I was trusting a dragon.
I walked up and timidly knocked on
the front door. It opened slowly and a very short troll stepped out.
"Yes, what do you want?"
"I'm here to see the famous Enoch,
to paint his picture. I have heard that he is very good looking." I waited
as the troll stepped inside to speak to his ruler.
"Come in." he said when he reappeared
a moment later.
I entered a large dining hall filled
with tables laden with every kind of food imaginable. The aroma was tantalizing.
"Yes, what do you want, mortal girl?"
Enoch sat at the far end of the hall, lavishly dressed in bright silks
and too much jewelry.
"I have come to paint your portrait,
sir, for I have heard you are the best looking troll in the universe."
Enoch was very full of himself; the
compliments boosted his ego even more.
"Of course you can," Enoch replied.
"Okay." I got my paints set up."First
I need you to sit on your throne and smile. Yes, that's good. Tilt your
head just a little to the left." I got out my Polaroid camera and took
a couple of pictures.
Enoch's eyes got as big as dinner
plates when he saw the camera. He hiccuped loudly.
"I'm scared of cameras!" Enoch blubbered,
his face turning red as he hiccupped non-stop.
"Oh I'm so sorry, but I work better
from photographs" I replied. "Do you need a drink?"
"Yes! Right now! Give me a drink
now!"
I brought out my thermos of coffee
and poured a cup.
"Here, this should help!"
Enoch downed the coffee, paused for
a moment, and then started spluttering.
"What's the matter now?" I said,
becoming very impatient.
"I'm allergic to coffee," cried Enoch.
"I'm going to die!"
I watched with disgust as the troll
shrivelled up to the size of a popcorn seed.
"Look out!" a booming voice cried
from above. Buff crashed through the ceiling, carrying Jeff on his back.
"Jeff, I never thought I'd be so
glad to see you again!" I gave my brother a big hug. He was so amazed at
everything that he was speechless. I walked over to Buff. "Thank you so
much, Buff. How can I ever repay you?" He just shrugged. I gave him a hug
and found my purple nail file. "Here," I said, "You can have this."
Then something really strange happened.
Buff started to shrink. Blue smoke swirled around him and.... Jeff and
I were back in the cave.
Jeff was still confused by the events
of the day, and had a dazed look on his face. I decided that nobody should
know about our adventure (they'd never believe it anyway), so I told Jeff
that he had slipped in the cave and bumped his head. He seemed to accept
that explanation and we headed off for home, none the worse for wear.
The following day, my friend Janine
dragged me to the high school football game. She wanted me to see the new
guy on the team. As we rounded the corner and neared the playing field
Janine exclaimed "There he is!" I looked in the direction she was pointing
and saw a tall guy with light brown hair and rippling muscles leaning nonchalantly
against a goal post, filing his nails with a purple file.
Janine sighed."Isn't he so buff?"