"Marriage and Divorce"

"I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, it is good for them if they abide [single] even as I. But if they cannot contain [control their desires], let them marry, for it is better to marry than to burn [with lust]." 1Cor.7:8-9

Here, God requires us, as ministers of His grace, to do some "rightly dividing the word of truth". For example, when the devil attempted to persuade Jesus to sin by quoting Psalm 91:11-12, what was Jesus' response to this subtle temptation? "Jesus said unto him, `It is written again, "thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy God"'" (Mt.4:5-7). One should always be mindful of what is written again on the same subject, thus allowing one Scripture to illuminate another. Paul did say that it is better to marry than to be consumed with lust, but that is true only if the believer marries another believer. For it is written again on this subject, in Paul's same letter to the Corinthian church, that saints who wish to marry are to marry "only in the Lord" (1Cor.7:39).

Paul was adamant on this point, as is every other man sent from God. He did not teach that it is better for young believers to marry just anyone rather than to wrestle with their natural passions. On the contrary, it is better to struggle with natural passions than to marry an unbeliever and welcome someone into your temple who is a stranger to your God. Jesus will always help you control your desires, and in time he will give you a mate. But as you wait on him, child of God, know certainly that marriage to an unbeliever is sin, even if you hire a foolish minister to give you his blessing. Those who wait on God are always glad they did.

Now, to the second group,believers married to other believers, Paul wrote these commandments:

"And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, "Let not the [believing] wife depart from her [believing] husband. But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled unto her husband; and let not the [believing] husband put away his [believing] wife". The [believing] wife is bound by the law [of God] as long as her [believing] husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will, only in the Lord [This applies to husbands, too]" 1Cor.7:10-11,39.

So, if a believing couple separates, remarriage is absolutely forbidden for both of them. There may be a reconciliation, but neither believer is permitted by God to marry anyone else. Of course, if one of them commits adultery or some such heinous offence, the offended spouse is then free both to sever the relationship altogether and to marry someone else (Mt.5:32; 19:9). The Greek word for "adultery" in these verses from Matthew denotes, "every kind of unlawful sexual intercourse." Our word, "pornography", comes from this Greek word. The believer does not have to remain in a marriage in which children are being molested, diseases are being contracted, and infidelity occurs. Holiness is not contrary to good common sense. If one is being abused, one is free to leave and to remarry.

Since Paul has dealt with the "unmarried and widows" in group one, and with "believers who have believing spouses" in group two, we know to whom he is speaking when he says, "but to the rest". For there is no one left for group three except "believers married to unbelievers". A believer should never marry an unbeliever, even though it does happen. Also, it sometimes happens that after two sinners marry, one is converted to Christ. In both cases, special instructions are needed in order to make clear the will of God for these unfortunate brothers and sisters, so that they may know how to treat their spouses who have not yet followed them into the faith. To them Paul wrote: "But to the rest speak I, not the Lord. If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the [believing] woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him" 1Cor.7:12-13.

At this time it becomes necessary to use some of those "it is written again" Scriptures, for God has not left it to us to decide which unbelieving spouse is "pleased to dwell with" a believing mate. We certainly are not to simply take the unbeliever's word for it. God has given us clear guidelines by which we may determine whether or not an unbeliever is actually pleased to dwell with his believing mate. Paul explained: "...the [pleased-to-dwell-with] unbelieving husband is sanctified by the [believing] wife, and the [pleased-to-dwell-with] unbelieving wife is sanctified by the believing husband, else were your children unclean. But now [since the unbeliever is sanctified by the believer] are they holy" 1 Cor.7:14.

Paul's point is that if an unbelieving spouse is truly pleased with his or her believing spouse, he or she will also come to Christ and be sanctified. If a believer will conduct himself in his marriage according to the perfect will of God, the unbelieving spouse will at some point make a change, either for God or against Him. If for Him, thank God for His mercy. If the unbeliever rejects Christ and departs, the believer is free to marry someone else, but only in the Lord. Paul said it this way: "But if the unbelieving [husband or wife] depart, let him [or her] depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases" 1Cor.7:15.

Some have interpreted "bondage" here to mean only that the believer is not required to perform the ordinary duties of marriage, but still is married to the departed unbeliever and must never marry again. This is utterly untrue, as we may learn by seeing what is written again concerning marital "bondage". Paul wrote (Rom.7:2-3): "For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband as long as he liveth, but if he be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband. So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress. But if her husband be dead, she is free from the law, so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man."

Being "bound", then, means "forbidden to remarry". It is in this sense that saints are not "bound" to the marriage contract if the unbelieving spouse departs. Now, this liberty should never be used as a means of escape from the responsibility to do one's utmost to bring the unbelieving spouse to Christ, for it is far better to lead the unbeliever to Christ than for a husband and wife to separate. The believer is free, yes, but, "God has called us to peace. For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? Or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?" 1Cor.7:16

The believer should do everything possible to win the unbelieving spouse to Christ. The desired end is the conversion of the sinner and a happy, holy home. Understandably, it is difficult for believers who are married to unbelievers to stay free in the Spirit; therefore, ministers should diligently strive to prevent such marriages. Yet, there are many leaders in the church who will not teach these truths. Tragically, these leaders themselves often endorse and perform these ungodly marriages. In the light of the Word of God, such marriages are evil and, as such, should be denounced. The church needs men who, in humility and understanding, will fervently preach the truth on this matter, and keep themselves and their flocks from any unequal yoke with this sin-sick and sin-loving world. For though we live in a world of spiritual darkness, "God, who commanded the light to shine out of darkness," has also commanded us to shine, to be a light for those seeking a right understanding concerning the church's relationship with the world. We are told by James, "The friendship of the world is enmity with God; whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God" (Jas.4:4). Friendship usually precedes courtship, and courtship, marriage. Oh, how the tender heart of Jesus must long to see his church untangled from the sticky web of this world's cares and entertainments! "Happy is that people that is in such a case; yea, happy is that people, whose God is the Lord." Amen.

Wise saying: "If a child of God marries a child of the devil, he is certain to have trouble with his father-in-law."