7-16-98: Friendship Thoughts-BTW, Did you know I'm Dead Last in Getting Real's Site of the Week contest?:o)
Yesterday, I got an e-mail from a real-life friend, "Janet", telling me she finally got to see my new site. She said she hated the layout(and liked the old version better)because of the ugly green background(and she likes bright colors), but thought the content was great.
I wasn't angry Janet had said that about my layout, but I was disappointed. I flashbacked to a conversation we had last May about one of my favorite websites.
Janet said,"I hate how it's all black and white. It's too depressing. And why is the text all in the middle and not like, normal?"
I said,"I like it that way."
Janet replied,"I like the concept and all, but the design is..."
All I could think was,"Why is she doing this? She hardly knows any HTML, and about web design, and the little she does know is the stuff I taught her."
I blinked a few times, until the memory wore off. Could she not see past pretty colors, or the reason people put certain things that way? Didn't she know that lots of people put the text in the middle because it makes it easier to read(I also think it looks better, and more pleasing to the eye)? Didn't she know that I chose that dark shade of green for a reason?
t's such a little thing to get annoyed at someone for not seeing the reason behind the background color. I understand that, but after 4+ years of friendship, I thought she'd at least capture a tiny particle of meaning.
That shade of green captures a sort of aura in me. I don't know why, but it just does. I don't have any connection with a black background with bright splashes of color(that's what my old layout looked like). Maybe I don't exactly like the color, but it's me. I can relate to it. It's a little dull and bland, yet somehow unique.
When I was about 9 or so, I'd mix up colors in my watercolor paint set. I'd first mix up the bright reds & yellows, then some purples, blues, & blacks. I'd end up with this murky brown color. Feeling that was too dark, I'd always splash lots of yellow in the mixture to get a muddled dark green color. That's what the colors all turned out for me in the end. Just that shade of funny shade of green.
I've known all along that my friendship with Janet is primarily superficial. I keep hoping, though, that it will turn into some meaningful, understanding, friendship bond, but it hasn't happened yet. As the years go by, we appear to become closer friends, but I know it's just a lie.
I remember a conversation I accidently eavesdropped in(I'm sorry, but they were right next to me)sometime last year. See, there are two popular girls, one with brown hair-"Ally", and one with blond hair-"Larissa". Both are outgoing and kind to others, and everybody thought they were really good friends.
One time that Larissa wasn't there, Ally asked another girl,"So who's your best friend?"
The girl immediately said,"I don't know. I don't know really who my friends are sometimes."
Ally then said disgustedly,"Isn't it terrible how nobody can trust their friends anymore?"
"Well,"the other girl said,"Isn't Larissa a good friend to you?"
Ally was silent.
^^^^^
Later that day....
Okay, I wanted to keep the background color green, but then I made a blue image, and I liked it so much, that I had to replace the image I had before which was of a Picasso painting that showed a woman looking at herself in the mirror. The blue did not match one bit with the green, so I had to change the background colors. Oh well, at least it's my favorite color.
7-16-98: Lots of Lies, My Last Day With MSN, & Inspiration
Have you ever realized that this website could just be a bunch of lies I made up? Maybe it's not really me. Maybe it's somebody else pretending to be me. Maybe I'm just a person making up a cute little story about some sick, sad, pathetic person living in a sick, sad, world(yes, I know that's what Daria from the TV show watches all the time)
Anyways, I've been reading numerous journals that are online. Usually, no matter how good writers they were in the beginning, they became even better ones as the time passed. Hmmmm......it seems that alot of people at Geocities are moving to Xoom because of those stupid pop-up ads & that watercress thing on Geo. I have a Xoom address since May, but all it is is one page. I haven't figured out how to do anything at Xoom, and haven't really thought about it too much. It just feels so different than Geocities, but I know Xoom doesn't annoy everybody with excessive advertisements, gives out 11MB like Geo, and gives out shorter addresses. I don't think I'll be moving any day there though. I might, because I'm switching either IBM Global Net or Prodigy's online services, move to a Prodigy member's address(I'm not sure if IBM does that also. I'll have to find out)
So....this is my last day with MSN. Then, I'll be going on a week-long vacation. After that, I'll switch online providers. I think I'll be doing everything MSN today. MSN chat, MSN forums, MSN, going to all the MSN member homepages(as in, MSN sets up 4 homepages I think, that informs you, and helps you with the web) MSN....I'll miss you.....
The only time I can really write well is in the middle of the night. I get all these creative ideas when I'm in bed in pitch dark with my eyes wide open. I have to switch the light on, and scribble whatever I thought up down.
Sometimes though, I just have to write, so I stay up for about an hour or two, just letting the words flow.
I love how easily I can write at this hour, but it's also annoying. I wake up in the morning tired, and do dumb things because I didn't get enough sleep. I always wonder why I can't get any good inspiration in the day, and not at night.
Oh, well, **yawns**, I really need to take a nap now. G'bye.
Homepage-July 1998-Geocities