Cold tile. Cold porcelain sink with adjacent mirror. Hand reaches up to sleep-heavy face, sees blanket lines on sticky skin.

Shower running. Gray light slips over the shower curtain, into the tub. Slow motion like a movie, runs soap over glistening body. Clock said 8:00. AM or PM wondering quietly, gray light.

Foggy mirror. Dream? Teeth taste funny, brush fog, fuzz away. Towel on head, short hair sticks up.

Flashback. Scrambling for the door, holding it shut, chain won’t reach. Terror strikes, the monster will get in. Absolute realization of mortality. No fear like this.

PM. Still daylight. Moldy cheese, bread, fruit. Harsh fluorescence, sterile white fridge is the only clean thing in the room. Newspapers – yesterday, last week on the counter. PB+J, wonders breakfast or snack?

So this is life. TV on, how long light has flickered blue, yellow. Soundless mute, loss of dreams. Scratchy olive-gray couch, stains, cat hair, more newspapers. Blinds half closed, beer bottle, no fear.

Flashback. Truck horn blaring, move or die cannot move will not die. Lights shine in eyes, rabbit on highway. No laughter no tears no feeling, rush of wind, cool icy terror. Also feverish horror?

Monotony. Cigarette slides in and out of pink lips, pale eyes, feverish body. Yawns, slumped in high-back, not so easy chair. Unwashed bathrobe slides, scrapes over scars, ugly or beautiful, AM or PM, wonders not caring, oblivious.

Flashback. Vomit on pre-stained carpet, yellow slimy acrid odor wafts up. Vomits again, dry heaves sucking up air sucking fumes. Exhausted heaves, falls, sleeps.

This is own fault. No rings on telephone, no knocks on door. All bridges burned. Cannot leave, trapped in filth. Not hotel room can’t check out any time leave mess for maid service. Yellowed blinds, dusty gray light.

So this is hell.