Listen here, Woman...


All men are pigs... And women love pork! --Stephen Lee Dekat

There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works.

Experts tell me "I am" is the shortest sentance in the English language. If you ask me, "I do" is the longest sentance.

I love living single, drinking double, and sleeping triple. --Hunter McGrit

We know God is a man. If God were a woman, earth would be a lot different. First off, a female God would never had invented dirt. She would have said "Let there be ocean-to-ocean carpeting." --Gallagher

Not all men are fools -- some are bachelors.

A man needs a bicycle between his legs like a woman needs a fish.

...from their point of view, it seems, men are constantly surrounded by lustful women who perversely refuse to sleep with them. . . it becomes clear that one of our gravest social problems is that the really hot-looking women aren't willing to sleep with enough men." - Maggie Gallagher

A woman can have sex with whoever she wants, a man only with whoever allows him.

Prehistoric woman, say Moir and Jessel, with a shorter life span and more pregnancies than modern women, could expect 10 menstruations in her life. Modern women can expect 400! We have to put up with 40 times more shit from our women than biology ever intended, and they expect us to believe that we are the problem... The angst of non-pregnant women is shredding our civilization. -- Rich Zubaty

But, you know what life is? You're born, you suck on your mother's tits. You get a little older, you suck on your girlfriend's tits. You get married, you suck your wife's tits. That's what life is. Life sucks.

Masochism, narcissism, and passivity are the three key characteristics of the female personality. -- Helene Deutsch

In revenge and in love woman is more barbarous than man. -- Nietzsche

A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction. --Oscar Wilde

A woman in love will do almost anything for a man except give up the desire to improve him. -- Nathaniel Brandon

I'm proud of my son. I think that spanking paid off, made a man out of him. --Vannie Maud Starr, mother of Kenneth Starr

I like feminists; I think they're cute.

God gave men penises so that we would have at least one way to get women to shut up.

The primary difference between a dick and a paycheck is you never have to beg a woman to blow your paycheck.

What's worse than a male chauvinist pig?
A woman that won't do what she's told.

Marriage : when a woman is paralyzed from the waist down.

What are the small bumps around a woman's nipples for?
It’s Braille for "suck here".

What does 75 year old woman have between her breasts that a 25 year old doesn't?
Her navel.

What's the definition of a male chauvinistic pig?
A man who hates every bone in a woman's body, except his own.

The difference between your wife and your job is after 5 years your job will still suck.

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.

Feminism: A socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months--I don't like to interrupt her.

Women like intelligent men because opposites attract.

Women fake orgasms because they think we care.

What do you call an intelligent woman in America?
A tourist.

Some mornings I wake up grouchy... and some mornings I just let her sleep!

Why can't Helen Keller drive?
She's a woman!

Two hot dogs and a beer at a baseball game do, in fact, constitute going out to dinner.

Silence does not need to be filled with discussions about "us" and "the relationship"

Things women should let us do alone: figuring out where we are, watching anything on TBS, playing cards, smoking cigars and picking out the beer.

Lady, even if you think he's cute, Kevin Costner can't act.

Compromise does not mean that the man abandons his position in favor of yours.

A man has six items in his bathroom -- a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats

An experiment was conducted recently, to ascertain whether beer contained female hormones. To test this, a group of twelve men were selected. The hypothesis was proven: after ten pints each, they all talked sentimental nonsense and none of them could drive.

Lipstick : The difference between a woman with PMS and a rottweiler.

WIFE : An attachment you screw on the bed to get the housework done.



To Main