Hear Me Roar!

Husbands should be like kleenex: soft, strong, and disposable. --Madeline Kahn

Being a widow is a matter or life after death- now that he's dead, I have a life. --Madeline Kahn

The day I worry about cleaning my house is the day Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner. --Roseanne

Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself. --Roseanne

Women should always let men have the last words of an argument... "Yes Ma'am."

Sure God created man before woman. But then you always make a rough draft before the final masterpiece.

God creates dinosours. God destroys dinosours. God creates man. Man destroys God. Man creates dinosours. Dinosours eat man... Woman inhearets the Earth. --Jurrasic Park

Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.

A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.

Yeah, right! Like I'm going to put that icky thing in my mouth.

I have a computer, a vibrator, & pizza delivery. Why should I leave the house?

The fastest way to a man's heart is to saw through his chest.

You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.

That's Ms. Bitch to you!

Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.

A woman's favorite position is CEO.

Did I mention the kick in the groin you'll be receiving if you touch me?

Women are the future of men.

Women are the only oppressed group in our society that lives in intimate association with their opressors. - Evelyn Cunningham

Men are taught to apoligize for their weaknesses, women for their strengths.

Whatever women do they must do it twice as well as men to be though half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult. - Charlotte Whitton

Im not denyin' that women are foolish: God almighty made 'em to match the men.

Men forget but never forgive. Women forgive but never forget.

Women should be running for office- not coffee.

A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears.

A good part-and definitely the most fun part-of being a feminist is about frightening men.

Women have been taught that, for us, the earth is flat, and that if we venture out,
we will fall off the edge.

I became a feminist as an alternative to becoming a masochist. --Sally Kempton

But if God had wanted us to think just with our wombs, why did He give us a brain?

I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. --Gloria Steinem

If you have a vagina and an attitude in this town, then that's a lethal combination.
--Sharon Stone

If they can send a man to mars, why can't they send them all?

I married beneath me - all women do. -- Lady Nancy Astor

A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle. -- Gloria Steinem

I am not a pretty girl, that is not what I do, I ain't no damsel in distress,
and I don't need to be rescued...
--Ani Difranco

I'm tough, ambitious, and I know exactly what I want. If that makes me a bitch, okay. --Madonna

Menstruation and Menopause... don't you find that all our problems start with men?

Call me when you've got more balls than I do.

Yeah, I may be a Bitch, but look which one of us is sleeping on the floor....

If Fe is the chemical symbol for iron, then Female means 'Iron Male'

What do you call 6 naked men standing on each other's shoulders?
A scrotum pole.

The number of men required to shingle a roof... depends on how thin you slice them.

If a man is talking in the woods and no woman hears him.............. is he still wrong?

What's six inches long and two inches wide and drives women wild? Money.

Men are smarter when they are having sex because they are plugged into a brain.

I am strong, I am invincible, I am woman

If men had periods, menstruation would be a sacrament.

Why did God create men? She knew a vibrator couldn't carry out the trash.

I miss my ex-boyfriend a lot. When I finally ran into him the other day, I backed up and ran into him again for good measure.

I got rid of my husband. The cat was allergic.

We women talk too much, nevertheless we only say half of what we know.
--Lady Nancy Astor

You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. -Erica Jong-

I want to have children, but my friends scare me. one of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. i don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours. -Rita Rudner-

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. -Wendy Liebman-

If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them. -Sue Grafton-

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on. -Roseanne Barr-

I think-therefore I'm single. -Liz Winstead-

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. -Elayne Boosler-

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. -Maryon Pearson-

I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch. -Gilda Radner-

In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman. -Margaret Thatcher-

Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry. -Gloria Steinhem-

I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night. -Marie Corelli-

Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths. -baroness Edith Summerskill-

If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? how intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck? -Linda Ellerbee-

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house. -Zsa Zsa Gabor-

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