Mark Twain
When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in 7 years.
Man is the only animal that blushes, or needs to.
It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.
Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
A man pretty much always refuses another man's first offer, no matter what it is.
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as much as you please.
Be good, and you will be lonesome.
The best way to cheer yourself up is to cheer everyone else up.
Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
There is nothing so annoying as to have two people go right on taliking when you're interrupting.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didnt do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
I believe our Heavenly Father invented man because he was disappointed in the monkey.
Adam and Eve had many advantages, but the principal one was that they escaped teething
The principal differance between a cat and a lie is that a cat only has nine lives.
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example
There are three kinds of lies-- lies, damned lies, and statistics.
The best part about telling the truth is that you don't have to remember what you said.
It is by the goodness of God that we have in our country three unspeekably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either.
War talk by men who have been in a war is always interesting, whereas moon talk by a poet who has never been in the moon is likely to be dull.
Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she has laid an asteroid.
Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it.
We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it - and stop there; lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove-lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove-lid again---and that is well; but also she will never sit down on a cold one anymore.
Clothes make the man: naked people have little to no influance on society.
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