Woody Allen
There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.
Don't knock masturbation -- it's sex with someone I love.
Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.
Money is better than poverty, if only for finacial reasons.
My one regret in life is that I'm not someone else.
I'm a practicing hetrerosexual... but bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
Is sex dirty? Only if it is done right.
I asked a girl if she could bring a sister for me. She did. Sister Maria Teresa. It was a very slow evening. We discussed the New Testament. We agreed that He was very well adjusted for an only child.
Eternal nothingness is OK if you're dressed for it.
Not oly is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
My brain; it's my second faavorite organ.
I don't want to achive imortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying.
Showing up is 80 percent of life.
Thought: Why does man Kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.
I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tounge stuck in the roller of an electric typewriter?
I'm astounded by the people who want to "know" the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily as lying down.
I have an intese desire to return to the womb. Anybody's.
I tend to place my wife under a pedestal
More than any time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction. Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly.
If my film makes one more person miserable, I'll feel I've done my job.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
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