I am glad for the discovery, but must wonder- What prehistoric idiot got SO bored that he learned he could make fire by rubbing wood against wood?
In the milky light cast through the arched windows by the pale half moon, waited a satin draped Rebecca. The featherlight wisps of her open fronted robe cascaded down over her full chest, covering them just enough to taunt the awe filled eyes of her now waking boyfriend, Ted. Rebecca nearly felt pride in him when she noticed that his attention was drawn from her alluring breasts to her innocent face oval face. Her slate grey eyes, soft cheek bones, and soft lips attracted Ted to her as well as her round hips, lengthy legs, trim torso, and well formed chest. She let the thin vail slip gently from her pale silken shoulders, and float down to the chilled tiles below. "Happy Valentine's Day" she whispered seductively to Ted as she approached him from the foot of the bed.
Well it is valentine's day again, and that means that men get to show off just how romantic they can be by buying nice things for their ladies. Traditionally nice things include flowers and candies. One particular candy that is popular, especially amongst grade school students, are the "sweetheart's" candies. If you are unfamiliar with what I am speaking of, let me remind you just what the little morsels are. They are those cutesy little heart shape candies with cutesy little sayings on them like "be mine" and "love you" and so forth.
Knowing that my girlfriend was fond of these I decided to buy some for her, after I got them home I thought it may be prudent of me to pick out the ones that I thought had the most meaning an place them alone into the container I intended to present them to her in. I dumped the contents of this bag of candy out and began to pick through them. I began excluding the ones that most obviously would not work... Those were the mutants.
Most of the candies here were heart shaped, so the ones that were shaped like kidneys, stomachs, and Albert Einstein were easy to pick out. The ones that were more subtly misshapen required me to actually look at the candies. I found that several of them had eroded in some way or another, as though one side had been dug into a bowl shape. Completely unacceptable as a sign of affection to my true love.
As I looked of the hearts trying to find the mutants I noticed that quite nearly the majority of these hearts were Illegible! The cutesy little sayings that they are so famous for could not be read even if your life hinged on that necessity. There were several reasons that one might not be able to read the message off of any given heart. On some, for example, the text was printed too high, or too low, so that only half of a series of letters could be seen. But the primary reason that nearly half of these cutesy little slogans would never be read was the burr factor. It was like trying to read fine text written in ink, after it had been rained on... I swear one of the hearts had "OPOUU QCIWEW" printed on it.
Looking at my diminishing pile of candies I began to pick through to see what slogans were just right for my honey. "Love You" "Kiss Me" "So Fine" and "XOXO" were defiant musts... but I had to throw out a huge percent based on what they said. "Go boy" "U da Man" and "You're my Hero" just didn't seem to hold the message I was trying to convey. "First Kiss" didn't seem appropriate since She was not mine, and I was not hers. I thought "Don't Tell" might make it sound like I was not proud to be her one-and-only. "Hello" seemed a little to impersonal. She might think my faith in her is shaky if I gave her "Be True". I have no pager, so "Page Me" was out. "www.love" was a little to strange a way to say I love you, and why would I want to limit her to "Just one"? But the worst slogans that they printed had to be the ones that people use to *end* relationships... Things like "No Way" "Forget it" and "Get Real".
Having separated the ones worthy of my sugardoll, I decided it was time to dispose of the candies that were less than desirable in the only way that seemed right. I was going to eat them. Soon after placing the first one into my mouth though, I realized that the process for making these particular delicacies must call for the company to gather huge amounts of chalk dust and compress them into these cutesy hearts... Then they flavor a lucky few with the taste of sand, or drywall.
Next year, if Lindsey doesn't leave me because of this, I may just stick with chocolates.
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