| If you know someone with Depression | |
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What to do if you have Depression If you know someone with Depression |
In the desert I saw a creature, naked, bestial, who, squatting upon the ground, Held his heart in his hands, And ate of it. I said, "Is it good, friend?" "It is bitter bitter," he answered; "But I like it Because it is bitter, And because it is my heart." Stephen CraneThere can be few more things more painful than watching someone you care for suffering, and feeling powerless to stop it. Your lover tells you that they hate themselves. A friend who means everything to you insists that they are worthless. A relative you have known all your life tries to end theirs. The depressive will often say,'What did I do to bring this on myself?' Someone close to them will often ask the same thing, 'What did I do to bring this on them? What could I have done to prevent it?' The answer to all these questions is the same. Nothing. The depressive is not to blame for his or her illness, and neither are you. Despite the fact that this illness makes you feel powerless, in fact you have the ability to help. Indeed, perhaps more than any other illness you can help them to get well again. The first and most important thing to do it to encourage them to get help. I'm presuming that you aren't a doctor, and you can't give a medical diagnosis. They have to see someone who can. This can be difficult. Men are notoriously reluctant to seek medical advice if they are ill, and although we whinge incessentantly at the slightest ailment we seem to have latent medicphobia. We kid ourselves that this is a side-effect of our macho, self-reliant nature, but in fact we are just scared. We would rather spend our time playing the martyr than actually doing something about it and risk being told something unpalatable, like that we might have to change our ways a bit. Second, you need to be there for them. I suspect that you know that already or else you wouldn't be reading this. It isn't easy. Men especially tend to react defensively where personal and emotional matters are concerned. It can be hard to get them to talk about what is wrong, although you may find that once the barrier is broken it becomes lot easier. You will need to be patient. Be prepared to hear the same things over and over. You're like a physiotherapist training someone to re-use a limb. You have to go through the same motion time and time again until they learn it themselves. Depression is like losing the use of a limb, the one that gets us out of bed in the morning, gives us a sense of self-worth. You have to tell the sufferer that they are loved, are a good person, until they start to believe it themselves. Just be prepared for relapses. Keep telling them that they are ill.
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