My fun shopping trip with Ooya-san has...
Kozue(?): ...Ngh...where am I...?
[Kozue--or is it?--looks over with narrowed eyes.]
Kozue(?): Hey, Shiratori--why the hell am I in a joint like this?
Shiratori: ?!
[Nearby, the boy who upset the stack of plates runs off, crying for his mother.]
Shiratori: [thinking] No way--that caused her to...?!
[Kozue(?) looks over at the shattered remnants of the plates.]
Kozue(?): What's this? Someone really did a number here, (1) huh?
Somehow, I have a bad feeling (2) about this...
9. The King's Command - 2
[The scene has moved to a game center, where...]
Machine: [in English] Are you ready...GO!!
[At that signal, Kozue(?)--hair now done up in a familiar ponytail--goes to town on the game (a whack-a-mole game called "Crusher Joe") with a mallet in each hand, screaming wildly as she does so.]
Shiratori: [thinking] Why...why did SAKI-CHAN come out again...?
[At that moment, Crusher Joe gives up the ghost--the machine begins to spark and crackle, and we see that both mallets are dented and cracked.]
Saki: Ha! Beaten already!! You're a million light years too early to get away from me!! (3)
Shiratori: [thinking] Her personality changed without her fainting...
[He begins to tremble.]
Shiratori: [thinking] Oh, no...I'm going to get beaten up again, aren't I...
[Just then, something else catches Saki's attention, and she absent-mindedly tosses the mallets away over her shoulder.]
Shiratori: [thinking] Even Nanako-chan would have been better...
Saki: Oi, Shiratori!! Let's play this game!
Shiratori: N-no, that's all right, I don't really...
Saki: Just watching is boring, ain't it?!
[She reaches out and grabs him by the hair.]
Saki: Come on, already!
Shiratori: Wha--OWOWOWOW?!
[And then, she drags him along--by the hair.]
Saki: The two of us will have a great battle, you hear me? A great battle!!
[Soon, Shiratori finds himself seated on one side of a back-to-back arcade console, with Saki leaning over on the other side.]
Shiratori: B-but...I haven't really played games much...
Saki: Just press the buttons at random!
[The title screen for the game comes up, and Shiratori does a double take: "Genocide Hell School" (in English)]
Shiratori: What kind of game is this?
Saki: Dunno.
Shiratori: You don't know...
Saki: I don't know, but it looked like some kind of character game! I love these character games, where you wash the blood with more blood!!
Shiratori: [thinking] Character games...(What's that?)
Saki: Now, let's start!!
[The character selection screen comes up.]
Saki: I decided on this guy!
["Ultimate Gang Leader: (4) Riki"]
Shiratori: ...Then, I'll go with this person...
["Mad Science Teacher: Kyo"]
ROUND 1: FIGHT!
[The two fighters appear in front of the gate of a school that's clearly seen better days.]
Shiratori: Uh, um...what should I do?
Saki: For now, just press buttons at random!
Shiratori: Bu...buttons...
[Onscreen, Kyo throws a jab.]
Saki: Right, like that!
Shiratori: I...I see...this is a punch, huh...
[As Kyo continues to jab, Riki leaps toward him.]
Saki: All right, here I go!
Shiratori: Ah?!
[Riki connects with a jump kick to the head, knocking Kyo back.]
Saki: WA-HA-HA!
Shiratori: Yikes!
[Riki connects with a flurry of punches, knocking Kyo further back.]
Saki: Take that!
Shiratori: Ack! I'm getting beaten!
[The punch storm continues. Kyo's been forced back into a corner, and his life bar is down to roughly 1/4. Riki's life bar is still full.]
Saki: What's wrong? Fight back!!
Shiratori: All right--time for desperation!
[He closes his eyes tightly and begins hitting buttons at random. Onscreen, Kyo finally lands a punch, knocking Riki back--but his life bar is nearly all gone.]
Saki: It's futile!
Shiratori: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--
[Onscreen, Kyo suddenly whips out a handful of scalpels and hurls them at Riki, knocking him back to midscreen--and taking off half his life bar.]
Saki: Ah...?
Shiratori: --AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--
[Suddenly, the game screen darkens, and Kyo thrusts a glowing fist into the air.]
[Kyo: "SUPER..."]
Saki: ...AH?!
Shiratori: --AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--
[Kyo: "TOXIC WASTE BEAM!!" (5)]
[A huge beam--with the infamous toxic waste symbol on its crest--explodes from Kyo's hands, plowing over Riki.]
["EX FINISH!!"]
Saki: ?!!
Shiratori: ...nn? Huh?
["YOU WIN"]
[Kyo: "A victory for mad science!"(6)]Shiratori: I won without noticing it...!
[Saki glares at him from her seat.]
Saki: Don't get full of yourself, Shiratori...! You can be glad after you win a second time!!
[Kyo: "SUPER! HUMAN EXPERIMENTATION HOUR!!"]
[Riki is strapped to a table. Kyo brandishes scalpels in each hand, while robotic arms holding a chainsaw, a buzz saw, and a drill close in...]
["42 HIT COMBO"]
["Sadistic Treatment: (8) 800000"]
[Saki's jaw drops.]
Shiratori: Yes! I did it!
[Kyo: "This is the punishment of mad science!"]
[Saki bangs her head against the console.]
Shiratori: Even though it was my first time, I won! Now that I've tried it, this game is unexpectedly fun, isn't it?
Saki: DON'T GET CARRIED AWAY!!
[Saki hits him over the head.]
Saki: I went easy on you just now!! One more time--I challenge you, one more time!!
[Shiratori--now with a fresh lump on his head--returns to his place, and they start again. A few minutes later, he's raising his arms in triumph...and shortly thereafter, the lump on his head has a companion. They play again. Shiratori wins again. And steam starts pouring out of Saki's ears.]
Saki: You...YOU...
[She grabs him by the collar and shakes him around.]
Momono: [whispering] Shiratori-kun is clumsy, isn't he? (Why does he keep winning...?)
Tamami: [whispering] Indeed~
10 minutes later
[Saki beams.]
Saki: Well! When I get serious, this is what you get!
[Shiratori--head riddled with lumps--leans heavily against the screen on his side.]
Shiratori: ... [thinking] If it was going to be like this, I should have lost sooner...
[Box pointing to Shiratori: "Slow to notice things"]
[Saki points over to a game called "The House of Zombie" (in English).]
Saki: All right! Next, I challenge you on that!!
Shiratori: ...
Saki: Hey!
Shiratori: Eh...
[Saki holds out her hand, an unexpectedly calm smile on her face.]
Saki: Hurry up--let's go!
Shiratori: Ah...yeah...
[Shiratori, dumfounded, takes her hand, and trails behind her as she leads him to the next game.]
Shiratori: [thinking] What the...
Saki: This one's a shooting game.
Shiratori: [thinking] I only had a violent image of her, but...this smiling face--it's uniquely Saki-chan, and it might even be a little cute...
[Saki cocks one of the guns at the console and winks.]
Saki: Whoever beats more zombies wins!
[She salutes him with her gun.]
Saki: All right--let's shoot the crap out of this place! (9)
[Shiratori raises his gun in return, a dazed look on his face.]
Shiratori: Right!
Momono & Tamami: ...
Momono: Hello?! Has Shiratori been taken by Saki-chan's smile? (10)
Tamami: Because that smile is so cute! That mouth~
And so, in this way and that...
[The two are now playing a crane game. Saki's jaw drops as the crane looses its grip on a plushie labeled "Baron Frog."]
In the blink of an eye, time passed...
[The two are now playing a game called "Maracas de Amigo." They're each waving a pair of maracas in the air...and as we watch, Saki manages to hit Shiratori in the head.]
Saki: Ah, that was good!
[It's now late afternoon, and the pair have left the game center.]
Saki: It's been so long since I just let myself go!! (11)
Shiratori: Yeah! [thinking] Playing at the game center once in a while is all right!
[Just then, Saki stops dead in her tracks.]
Saki: Huh?
Shiratori: ? What is it?
Saki: ...
[Saki watches as three boys throw a shoe back and forth, while a fourth boy, with one foot bare, chases after it, on the verge of tears.]
Bullied boy: Give it back!
Bully 1: If you want it back, come take it!
[He dangles the shoe tauntingly.]
Bully 1: Hey, hey! It's right he--YEAAAAGH?!
[Suddenly, someone comes up behind him and delivers a punishing two-fisted noogie to his temples. The bully drops the shoe and puts his hands to his head in pain.]
Bully 1: Owwwww?!
Bullied boy: ...?
Shiratori: Sa...Saki-chan?!
[Sure enough, it's Saki. She stands before the pair, fist clenched, with a scowl on her face.]
Bully 2: Aaah! An adult used violence against Kenichi-kun!! You can't do that!!
[Saki doesn't answer with words...instead, she swoops in, plants her fists on either side of his head, and gives him the same treatment as the first bully.]
Bully 2: Owowowowow!!
[And then, before anyone can say anything, she puts the third bully out of commission in the same way, as Shiratori looks on in horror.]
Shiratori: Sa...Saki-chan...Why are you all of a sudden...
Saki: HEY, YOU PUNKS!! YOU'RE GANGING UP ON ONE PERSON!!
[She points her finger at them as she bellows.]
Saki: DON'T YOU THINK YOU SHOULD BE EMBARRASSED?! YOU SCUMBAGS!!!
Bully 1: Damn it!!
[The bullies turn tail and run.]
Bully 3: We'll remember this, you old bag! (12)
Saki: HEY, COME BACK HERE!! I'M NOT DONE TALKING TO YOU YET!!!
[Saki tries to go after them--but Shiratori grabs her arm, holding her back.]
Shiratori: Sa...Saki-chan!!
Saki: Let go of me, Shiratori! I'm not going to be satisfied until I've wrung those bullies' necks!!
Shiratori: He...hey, calm down...
Bullied boy: O...Onee-chan...
[Shiratori and Saki both look over. The bullies' victim is holding his shoe and smiling up at them...]
Bullied boy: Th...thank you! Thanks to you, I was able to get my shoe baAAAAAAAAACK?!
[His voice turns to a scream and Saki turns her fists loose on him, the same way she did to the bullies.]
Shiratori: ...WHA?!
Saki: You too, dammit! You too! You don't let them lead you around by the nose like that!!
Bullied boy: Ueeeeee...
[As Shiratori moves to comfort the boy, Saki continues to lecture.]
Saki: Look--I hate bullies AND people who are bullied!!
Shiratori: That's...that's such a mixed-up, unreasonable...! To begin with, in that situation, it can't be helped...
Saki: What do you mean, can't be helped?!
Shiratori: If you have three people playing catch with your shoe, you can't contend with them...
Saki: Can't contend?! OF COURSE YOU CAN!!
Shiratori: How...?
[Saki gives an inarticulate scream of rage.]
Saki: You are so stupid!! All right, look.
[We see a super-deformed diagram of the situation as Saki describes it.]
Saki: First, you go over to the guy who's got your shoe, got it? When you do, he'll pass the shoe to one of his allies, but for now, ignore that--AND PUNCH THE ASSHOLE'S LIGHTS OUT!!
Shiratori: EEH?!
Saki: While the others see this and are flinching, you crush another one of them!! Then, it's one on one!
[In the diagram, the last bully runs off with the shoe, while the victim charges after him.]
Saki: Chase him to the edge of hell, and recapture your shoe!!
[Shiratori and the boy stare dumbly at her, not speaking.]
Saki: There, you see? You can do it!!
Momono: [whispering] If he could do that, he wouldn't be bullied to begin with...
Tamami: [whispering] Agreed~
[The trio heads through the park.]
Saki: ...Look, boy. You were wondering why you're bullied?
Bullied boy: Uh-huh...
Saki: It's because you're weak! If you don't want to get bullied, you have to get stronger! Got it?
Bullied boy: ...But how can I get stronger...?
Saki: However you feel like it! Maybe you could go to a karate or judo dojo. When those kind of punks see someone and think, "He might be stronger than me," they definitely won't bully that person. In short--bullies and people who get bullied are all weaklings!
Bullied boy: ...Can I get stronger, too...?
[Saki puts her hand on the boy's shoulder.]
Saki: Of course you can! First, you have to be convinced that you can, and work hard to become stronger.
[She gives him a thumbs-up.]
Saki: That effort will definitely be rewarded someday! You'll triumph over those punks!!
Bullied boy: ...Yeah! I'll try my best!
Saki: That's the idea! Go for it!
Shiratori: ...
[Saki waves farewell as the boy runs off.]
Shiratori: ...Saki-chan...
Saki: Hm?
Shiratori: You like kids, don't you?
Saki: Wha...WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?! OF COURSE NOT!!
[Shiratori laughs.]
Shiratori: It's not something you have to feel shy over...
Saki: I just...?!
[Suddenly, she jumps back with a loud shriek.]
Shiratori: Wh...wha...? Why are you suddenly...
[Saki's not listening to him, though. Her eyes are fixed uneasily on a butterfly fluttering nearby...and as it drifts over, she latches onto Shiratori with a terrified squeal.]
Shiratori: What the?!
Saki: No...no, no, no!! Stay away!
Shiratori: Huh...?
[He finally notices the butterfly.]
Shiratori: Could you possibly...?
[Saki shivers more violently.]
Saki: Eeeee...
[Shiratori waves at the butterfly, sending it away.]
Shiratori: Hey, look, it's going over there.
Saki: Eee...?
[Saki looks over, then lets go of Shiratori and heaves a shuddering sigh.]
Saki: Phew...I'm saved...
Shiratori: ...Saki-chan, you're not good with butterflies?
Saki: Wha...?! THAT'S...!!
[She frowns for a moment...then seizes Shiratori by the collar.]
Saki: Don't...you don't tell ANYONE...!!
Shiratori: Ye...yeah...
Saki: ESPECIALLY not Momo and Tama! If they ever found out about this, I'd be in big trouble!! (Who knows what they'd do to me...)
[The aforementioned parties have matching evil grins on their faces.]
Momono: [whispering] Well, well...
Tamami: [whispering] How about this~
Shiratori: Still, that's surprising...that you'd be afraid of something like butterflies...
Saki: D...damn it...Those eyes! That tongue! That sense of touch! And above all, that soft and flabby substance!!
[She shudders.]
Saki: Ergh...just thinking about it scares me...
[Behind Saki, the butterfly is once again drawing near.]
Saki: Argh! You're making me say it! It would be better if I weren't worried about such a bad-looking insect, but somehow or other...I...
[Saki trails off as the butterfly hovers over, then comes to a rest...on her forehead.]
Shiratori: Ah...
[Shiratori watches in horror as Saki's eyes tear up...]
Shiratori: !!
[...and then she falls back in a dead faint.]
Shiratori: Sa--Saki-chan?! Are you all right?!
[Shiratori rushes over as she groans and stirs.]
Shiratori: Saki-chan!!
Saki: ...ugh...
Shiratori: Are you all right?!
Saki(?): ...Huh? Where...Shiratori-san, I...?
Shiratori: Huh...? [thinking] She's back to normal...?
[A little later...]
Kozue: ...I'm sorry for making you carry my bags...
Shiratori: No, it's all right. It's why I thought I was coming, anyway.
[Shiratori looks down at his bag.]
Shiratori: You've bought quite a few different things, though. It looks like they're all sweets...Ooya-san, are you going to eat all of this?
Kozue: Ah...no, those are presents for everyone.
Shiratori: Presents?
Kozue: Yes. Because they watched over the apartment today.
[Box: "Favorite Sweets"
Asami: Pudding!
Momono: Waffle~
Johnny: Mitarashi dango~ (15)]
Kozue: I was thinking I'd include these as a little "thank you." (16)
Shiratori: Ooya-san, shouldn't they be thanking you?
Kozue: Of course not! I haven't done anything special.
[They walk in silence for a moment.]
Kozue: ...Besides--I'm able to live happily, every day...thanks to them...That's why I'm so grateful to everyone!
Shiratori: ...I see.
Momono & Tamami: ...
[The two eavesdroppers share a look, then head off...]
Shiratori: In that case, why don't I get them something, too?
Kozue: Ah! I'm sure everyone will be delighted!
[That evening...]
Kozue: We're home!
Momono: Ah, welcome back!!
[Everyone is gathered in the kitchen. Momono and Tamami are slicing and peeling food. Johnny is stirring something off to one side. Asami is manning the stove, while Sayoko is handling an onion (and doing what people usually do when handling onions).]
Kozue: Huh? Why is everyone gathered here?
Momono: Can't you tell by looking? We're cooking! I thought that today, everyone would eat dinner together. Right?
Tamami: Right~
Kozue: That sounds great!
[As Kozue speaks with Tamami, Momono draws Shiratori off to one side.]
Momono: By the way, Shiratori-kun!
Shiratori: ...What is it?
Momono: I've got something I want to ask you.
Shiratori: ...if this is about the kiss, we didn't...
[Momono laughs loudly and slaps him on the back.]
Momono: Of COURSE not, you pervert!
Shiratori: [thinking] Even though you said it yourself... [out loud] Then, what is it?
Momono: It was a date Kozue-chan went so far as to use the King's Ticket for, so I want to know what happened!
Shiratori: No...nothing happened, really...
Momono: What?! Then why did Kozue-chan use the King's Ticket?
Shiratori: Ah... [thinking] That's certainly true...why did she go to the trouble of using the King's Ticket...?
[He turns to Kozue, who's still speaking with Tamami.]
Shiratori: ...Say, Ooya-san. Why did you use the King's Ticket for today's shopping trip?
Kozue: Eh...? Ah...that is...it was finally Sunday, and I was going to take up all your time for it, so...sorry about that...
Shiratori: Was that all? Don't worry about it! If it's just for shopping, I'll go with you any time.
Momono: Ah-HA! Doesn't that mean that it's the same as if she hadn't used the King's Ticket, then?
[Shiratori has taken out the King's Ticket, and is looking at it.]
Shiratori: [absentmindedly] Well, I guess...
Momono: Well, in that case--
[She snatches the ticket out of Shiratori's hands.]
Shiratori: Ah?!
Momono: Is it all right if I take this, Kozue-chan?
Kozue: Ah--yes, go ahead.
Shiratori: EEEH?!
Momono: Well then, I'll help myself!
Shiratori: O-Ooya-san! To give it up so readily...?!
Kozue: ??
Momono: [loudly] Now, then! What should I use this for, I wonder?
Shiratori: Wai...please wait a minute!!
Momono: Tama-chaaaan! What do you think I should make him do with this~? Shiratori-kun, that is.
Shiratori: AUOUGH?!
[Tamami whispers in Momono's ear.]
Momono: Hm, hm...I see! That IS a good idea, isn't it?
Shiratori: AAAAAH!!
Momono: All right, then! All right, then, Shiratori-kun--from now on...
[She pauses for a moment.]
Momono: You are BANNED from calling Kozue-chan "Ooya-san!"
Shiratori & Kozue: ...Eh?
Momono: Look, it's been on my mind for a while, now--"Ooya-san" this, "Ooya-san" that--it's so reserved, it's rude!! Kozue-chan has a very cute name, you know!
[She points at Shiratori.]
Momono: So--this is the King's Command!! Change the way you address her! Call her by her name!!
Shiratori: Eh...
Momono: Go on! GO ON!!
[Shiratori and Kozue look at each other, and turn red.]
Shiratori: B-but, but...! Suddenly calling her by her name...that's rude too, you know!
[Tamami and Asami--both of whom Shiratori has been calling by name since day one--raise their eyebrows.]
Tamami: What about us~?
Momono: Really? Kozue-chan, do you think it's rude?
Kozue: N...not really...
Shiratori: Eh...
Kozue: ...
Momono: Give it up--you're not getting out of this! (17)
[She shoves him roughly forward--coming to a stop right in front of Kozue.]
Kozue: ...
Shiratori: ...
Kozue: ...
Shiratori: ...
[The pair steadily turn redder, until, finally...]
Shiratori: ...Ko...Kozue...chan...
Kozue: ...Yes!
[And the kitchen erupts with cheers.]
Today, between Saki-chan's appearance and everything else, I was really worried--but, looking back now that it's ended, I think that it was a good day.
[Momono and Tamami give each other a subtle high-five.]
...a very good day.
[The next day...]
Asami: Ah! Good morning, Momono-san!
[Momono, half-dressed and three-fourths out of it--as usual in the morning--looks up at the greeting and sees Asami and Tamami.]
Momono: Nnnnn...huh? Where are you two headed, this early in the morning?
Asami: What are you saying? We're headed to school!
Tamami: Momo-san, don't you have school?
Momono: Ah...I'm taking a sabbatical, (18) so for now I'm just loving life. (19)
Tamami: Let's leave the social recluse alone and go quickly~
[Momono grabs Tamami's cheek with one hand, and hits her over the head with the other.]
Momono: WHAT?!
Tamami: Itsh the chruth~
Asami: Ah--Onii-chan, good morning!
[Shiratori looks up from putting on his shoes.]
Shiratori: Good morning, Asami-chan! Are you going to school now?
Asami: Uh-huh! Onii-chan, you too?
Shiratori: Yeah.
[As they head out, they encounter Kozue, who's sweeping the front walkway.]
Kozue: Ah! Good morning!
Asami: Good morning, Onee-chan!
Shiratori: Good morning, Ooya-sa--er, no, that is...Ko...Kozue-chan...
Kozue: Ah...y-yes...
[Momono and Tamami have paused in their quarrel and watch the pair.]
Momono: [still not letting go of Tamami's cheek] ...Yesterday, I said we'd support those two, but...now, actually watching them flirt, it kind of irritates me...
Tamami: Momo-san, you're too half-hearted~
1 ひでーありさま ("Hidee arisama"): Lit. "Awful state," albeit with a very rough accent (fitting with who's come out this time). BACK
2 波乱の予感 ("Haran no yokan"): Lit. "Presentiment of troubles." BACK
3 Common taunt heard in martial arts dramas, fighting games, etc. mocking an opponent's inexperience--"You're X years too early to challenge me!" Saki, as you can see, has taken this concept and run with it...straight off a cliff. :) BACK
4 番長 ("Banchou"): Leader of a group of juvenile delinquents. BACK
5 人体有毒物質放射 ("Jintai yuudoku busshitsu housha"): Lit. "Human body-poison-substance-emission." BACK
6 超科学 ("Choukagaku"): Lit. "Excessive science." BACK
7 This was written in English, and spelled just like this. Chalk it up to a typo. BACK
8 残虐行為手当 ("Zangyaku koui teate"): Lit. "Cruel conduct medical care." BACK
9 バリバリ撃つぞ ("Bari-bari utsuzo"): Lit. "Let's work hard and attack/destroy." BACK
10 早紀ちゃんの「にんニコ」にメロメロ ("Saki-chan no [nin'niko] ni mero-mero"): Lit. "Falling down drunk because of Saki-chan's smile." (I'm taking "nin'niko" as a rough "nikoniko," which means "smile" straight out--it seems to me it would be in-character for Momono to describe Saki like this.) BACK
11 思いっきり遊んだ ("Omoikkiri asonda"): Lit. "Thoroughly played." BACK
12 ブス女 ("Busu onna"): Lit. "Ugly woman." Very rude. BACK
13 水ようかん ("Mizu youkan"): Soft sweet bean jelly or paste. BACK
14 どらやき ("Dorayaki"): Two slices of sponge cake, with red bean jam in between. BACK
15 みたらしだんご ("Mitarashi dango"): Lit. "Purifying water dumplings." This sweet originally comes from the Shimogamo Shrine in Kyoto. Its distinctive shape--five in a row, with the one at the top separated slightly from the rest--is said to be taken from the foam and bubbles of the shrine's pond (hence the name). BACK
16 日頃の感謝 ("Higoro no kansha"): Lit. "Normal/habitual gratitude." BACK
17 観念なさい ("Kan'nen nasai"): Lit. "Accept this." BACK
18 自主休学 ("Jishu kyuugaku"): Lit. "Autonomous suspension/temporary absence from school." It's not clear whether or not she's actually told the university that she's taking this time off. :) BACK
19 一日ダラダラと暮らす ("Ichinichi dara-dara to kurasu"): Lit. "To live sluggishly all day." BACK