Q. I am very interested in joining your family as a plural wife. How do I approach this?

With boldness and great care. It sounds contradictory, doesn't it? To begin with, polygamy is not for weak-hearted women - they must have a burning conviction that it is right and be prepared to work hard at it. But they must also be careful - very careful - making sure that this is truly God's will for their lives. And that isn't always easy to know.

Getting to know me and my wives is an absolute must. Being around us and seeing how we are is therefore critical. Whilst we all expect to change with the admission of a new wife, you too must expect great changes. It is not an "equal blending", meaning, that the new marriage is not simply 1+3=4. Whilst we would naturally meet you half way on some issues (if such is necessary) in the main it is you coming into something that already is. This does not mean that your personality is going to be suppressed or anything like that but it does mean that the family has a rule of conduct which you will be expected to follow. Naturally, as a new wife, you will have your say, and if we agree with you, we will change in your direction. If we don't, then you must be prepare to change in yours. That is why time is need to see how things "work".

Plural marriage in the Królewiec family is, however, more than just about the members of the Królewiec family - it is about a spiritual way of life, namely, that of a spiritual community, the Chavurah Bekorot. The gospel and married life are one and the same because they are completely integrated. This means that we would expect you to share the same faith as we do. It also means that we do not expect you to change your beliefs in order to get married - that would be artificial conversion and would be storing up trouble for the future. There was one woman who wanted to marry me and wished to join our fellowhip enthusiastically. But when I made it known that I did not believe we were compatible she lost interest in the fellowship. Thus freely chosen spiritual discipleship must be the first step into our family. We won't consider non-believers and whilst we will consider believers from other Christian traditions we must be satisfied that she is already moving in our direction. As a family we have a spiritual goal which comes first. All those entering our family, and other patriarchal families in the Chavurah Bekorot, know this. It may be that you are called to live in another patriarchal Christian community therefore.

Finally, polygamy is expensive and it is more than likely that you will need to either have some financial means of your own or be able to help generate wealth within the family.

I hope this short answer has been helpful. God bless you to choose the right.