Gentlemen:
Understanding that your pulpit is vacant, I should like to apply for the position. I have many qualifications. I have been a preacher with much success and also have had some success as a writer. Some say I am a good organizer. I have been a leader in most places I have been.
I am over 50 years of age. I have never preached in one place for more than three years. In some places, I have left town after my work caused riots and disturbances. I must admit that I have been in jail three or four times, but not because of any real wrongdoing.
My health is not very good, though I still get a great deal done. The churches I have preached in have been small, though located in several large cities.
I have not gotten along well with religious leaders in towns where I have preached. In fact, some have threatened me and even attacked me physically. I am not very good at keeping records. I have been known to forget whom I have baptized.
However, if you can use me, I shall do my best for you.
The Apostle Paul
[Origin unknown]