White Suit Syndrome

Rev. Paul A. Hughes

WASHINGTON, D. C., CENTERS FOR DISEASE CONTROL -- Specialists warn of an outbreak of garmentus extravagantus, more commonly known as White Suit Syndrome. Although WSS has been identified for decades, it was previously thought to be rare and affect only isolated individuals. Historically, the condition has most often been associated with preachers of the Gospel.

While experts disagree on details, WSS is usually characterized by a compulsion to make oneself the center of attention, prompting many of its victims to don flashy attire, stand in center stage, and grab microphones. The frequent practice of wearing white in a roomful of men in dark suits is what gives the syndrome its name. In more extreme cases, victims have been known to shout themselves hoarse, make brash statements, jump up and down, and act out healing rituals.

"In their minds, the WSS-afflicted person must be seen as the "big man," or person in control at all times," said William Loman, director of the CDC Center for Corrective Attire. "They simply cannot yield center stage or delegate authority. They insist on being the principal actor in any public activity, Loman explained. "Others may be perceived as a threat."

According to Esther Prynne, director of the private Center for Ministerial Humility, the disease is hardly limited to preachers, and manifests itself in many ways other than the wearing of white suits. Huey Long, for instance, former governor and senator from Louisiana who was assassinated in 1935, was known for wearing expensive suits, but the disease was most evident in his choice of particularly wild and colorful neckties. More recently, President Bill Clinton, while avoiding white suits that make him look fat, has been recognized as suffering from an atypical form of the malady.

Experts do not know how WSS is spread. Although still largely limited to public figures, its effects are suspected to be far-ranging, perhaps touching thousands of people. Anyone within the sufferer's sphere of influence may be affected.

"We don't yet know how widespread this is" added Loman, who first became interested in WSS during the Jimmy Swaggart and PTL scandals. "We just don't know how far it will go before we can stop it."