THE REST –    January 6 & 7
  

A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. Proverbs 17:22 (NIV)

Camel Love

Two young camels, a male and a female, once met in a remote corner of the Sahara. They found themselves immediately attracted to one another and a budding romance ensued. As this romance developed, they decided that they wanted to share their lives with each other, so they got married in a convenient oasis. At an appropriate length of time after the wedding, they became the proud parents of a baby boy camel and were ecstatically happy with their new child. Their only concern was that their new baby boy camel had only one hump. For this reason, they named him Humphrey.

Bragging

At a party, a man was bragging about his new van, "...and you can work out of it, too. It has a cellular phone, a fax machine, a built-in computer, even a VCR and TV..."

A voice cut in, "Don't forget the driver's side windbag."

A veteran was entertaining his grandson with tales of his war experiences. After a while, the kid asked, "Grandpa, what did you need the rest of soldiers for?"

There was a blind man walking with his dog in the mall. All of a sudden he starts swinging his dog in circles over his head. A security guard runs up to him and says "Mister, what are you doing?" The man says "Just looking around."

The Judge said to the defendant, "I thought I told you I never wanted to see you in here again."

"Your Honor," the criminal said, "that's what I tried to tell thepolice, but they wouldn't listen."

— QUIZ —

Say the following sentence without using any r 's.  Once you think you have  it...scroll to below the "one liner" to see if you are right .
   
    Richard and Robert purchased a rottweiler.

An Elegant Groaner
The vegetable market 

Jose was an up and coming next to the assistant produce manager at the local supermarket. He had worked with diligence and integrity for a few years now and was looking for a promotion. His boss was a fellow from down south somewhere who Jose got along well with but who had a habit of calling the fruits and vegetables things Jose wasn't accustomed to hearing. The boss would call a potato a "tater", a tomato a "mater", a banana a "nanner" an onion an "ONyon" an apple an "aPULL", carrots "CARots", endive "'dive" and on it went.

Jose worked faithfully for the boss of the vegetable department and finally the time came when Jose could step up to assistant manager's position.

Jose took the written test to become the assistant manager and passed it with flying colors. He was happy his boss was happy. Everyone was happy. For the final exam Jose had to set up the vegetable and fruit display all by himself and make it look more attractive than it had ever been before.

Jose was up at one AM the morning he was to set up the display. He dressed, downed a cup of coffee and went into work.

Jose worked hard until 6 AM when the boss was due to come in. He hurried back to the back to freshen up and to look very presentable so the boss would have a grand impression of his hard work.

In the mean time the floor cleaner came by with his buffer and knocked a precisely placed banana onto the floor and under the buffer's spinning wheel. The floor cleaner stopped, looked around and, seeing no one in the area, placed the badly beaten banana back on the display.

Jose and the produce boss made their appearance and the boss began his rounds inspecting the displays, Jose staying at a respectful distance to avoid trying to look too anxious.

"I'm sorry Jose," the produce boss said when he had completed his inspection, "you only missed it by a little bit."

"What? But everything was perfect," Jose exclaimed, "Why did I fail?"

Placing a hand on Jose's shoulder, the boss pointed to the banana display where the pathetic banana in the display was, the produce boss asked,

"Jose can you see the scarred, mangled nanner?"

Alimony is a splitting headache.

Daily Miscellany Comics

Phillip Bower

Soul Food January 6 & 7

Today in History January 6
Today in History January 7