February 7, 2001 - All the Rest

ALL THE REST – February 7

The Blizzard is HERE. Quotations, facts and words will all pertain to snow over the next week or so!

Today's Quotations — SNOW

I used to be Snow White — but I drifted.

— Mae West

These be
Three silent things:
The falling snow . . . the hour
Before the dawn . . . the mouth of one
Just dead.

— Adelaide Crapse, Cinquain: Triad

The hiss was now becoming a roar — the whole world was a vast moving screen of snow — but even now it said peace, it said remoteness, it said cold, it said sleep.

— Conrad Aiken, Silent Snow, Secret Snow

It snowed and snowed, the whole world over,
Snow swept the world from end to end.
A candle burned on the table;
A candle burned.

— Boris Pasternak, Doctor Zhivago

How strange a thing is death, bringing to his knees, bringing to his antlers
The buck in the snow . . .
Life, looking out attentive from the eyes of the doe.

— Edna St. Vincent Millay, The Buck in the Snow

Today's Word – SQUALL

squall noun 1. A brief, sudden, violent windstorm, often accompanied by rain or snow. 2. Informal. A brief commotion. --squall intransitive verb squalled, squall·ing, squalls. To blow strongly for a brief period. [Probably of Scandinavian origin.]

Definitions from American Heritage Dictionary

Today's Fact

Snowflakes

How full of the creative genius is the air in which these are
generated! I should hardly admire them more if real stars fell and lodged on my coat.
Henry David Thoreau

The Blizzard(two weeks of Daily Miscellany SNOW facts)
- Day 10 -

Snowflakes 10 - Snow Storms

Predicting snowstorms is one of the most difficult tasks of the weather forecaster. Over a half billion dollars is spent each year in preparation for snow removal of predicted storms that never materialize. More money is saved, however, in accurate predictions of the amount and timing of snowfall in major metropolitan areas. In Kentucky alone, a state not generally associated with heavy snow, over 140,000 tons of salt was used for snow removal in the winter of 1993-94.

There are various names for the different types of snow storms in the United States. What we may call the storms may be much different than the official name that the U. S. Weather Service gives to them.

By National Weather Service definitions, a blizzard occurs when the wind speeds are 35 mph or more with considerable falling and or blowing snow. The snow will cause poor visibility which of a quarter of a mile or less. The official term of a blizzard does not require that new snow be falling. Sometimes the term blizzard is prefaced with the word ground -- "ground blizzard." The phrase ground blizzard refers to a storm in which all the airborne snow has been re-suspended from that which had previously fallen.

A whiteout is a term used to describe an extreme blizzard condition. During a whiteout, blowing or falling snow reduces visibility to the point where the sky, the air, and the ground become indistinguishable. Everything is white. A whiteout is a dangerous condition. A person caught in such a storm is easily disoriented and quickly becomes lost. Being lost in a whiteout often has dire consequences.

By definition a "heavy snow warning" means that four or more inches of snow will fall in a 12 hour period. The heavy snow warning does not necessarily include cold temperatures or high winds. According to National Weather Service usage, snowfall rate is considered "heavy" when visibility, without fog or blowing snow, is reduced to 5/16th of a mile or less.

... Tomorrow a look at the blizzard of...

Sources Include: The Handy Weather Answer Book - Walter A. Lyons -Visible Ink Press

Today's SMILE

"What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity. These are but trifles, to be sure; but, scattered along life's pathway, the good they do is inconceivable."

Joseph Addison

A cheerful heart is good medicine,
but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.
Proverbs 17:22 (NIV)





TWO GROANERS

So there's this Wizard who worked in a factory. Everything was satisfactory except that certain miscreants, taking advantage of his good nature, would steal his parking spot.

This continued until he put up the following sign: "This parking space belongs to the Wizard. ... Violators will be toad."

Joe and Frank were in the office, and noticed that someone had put up a suggestion box with some 3x5 cards next to it. Both decided that this was a great idea, and each took a card to fill out.

Joe wrote, "The office workers should all be given raises!"

When he looked at Frank's card, it said "Can we all have raises, and keys to the executive washroom, and personal secretaries, and new company cars, and new coffee cups, and longer lunch breaks, and an extra three weeks vacation each year, and a holiday on St. Patrick's Day, and Columbus Day and Martin Luther Kings Birthday?"

Joe said, "Frank, that isn't the right way of getting things changed around here. . . . You shouldn't put all of your begs in one ask-it."

Top 22 Signs You've Had Too Much of the 90's

22. Cleaning up the dining area means getting the fast food bags out of the back seat of your car.

21. Your reason for not staying in touch with family is that they do not have e-mail addresses.

20. Keeping up with sports entails adding ESPN's homepage to your bookmarks.

19. You have a "to do list" that includes entries for lunch and bathroom breaks - and they are usually the ones that never get crossed off.

18. You have actually faxed your Christmas list to your parents.

17. Pick up lines now include a reference to liquid assets and capital gains.

16. You consider 2nd day air delivery painfully slow.

15. You assume the question to valet park or not is rhetorical.

14. You refer to your dining room table as the flat filing cabinet.

13. Your idea of being organized is multiple colored post-it notes.

12. Your grocery list has been on your refrigerator so long some of the products don't even exist any more.

11. You lecture the neighborhood kids selling lemonade on ways to improve their process.

10. You get all excited when it's Saturday and you can wear sweats to work.

9. You refer to the tomatoes grown in your garden as deliverables.

8. You find you really need PowerPoint to explain what you do for a living.

7. You normally eat out of vending machines and at the most expensive restaurant in town within the same week.

6. You think that "progressing an action plan" and "calendarizing a project" are acceptable English phrases.

5. You know the people at the airport hotels better than you know your next door neighbors.

4. You ask your friends to "think out of the box" when making Friday night plans.

3. You think Einstein would have been more effective had he put his ideas into a matrix.

2. You think a "half-day" means leaving at 5 o'clock.

And the number 1 sign you've had too much of the 90's:

1. You hear most of your jokes via email instead of in person.

Supposed Actual dialog of a "FORMER" WordPerfect Customer Support employee:

"Ridge Hall, computer assistant; may I help you?"
>"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

"What sort of trouble?"
>"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.",

"Went away?"
>"They disappeared."

"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
>"Nothing."

"Nothing?"
>"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
>"How do I tell?"

"Can you see the C:\ prompt on the screen?"
>"What's a sea-prompt?"

"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
>"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
>"What's a monitor?"

"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
>"I don't know."

"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
> ......"Yes, I think so."

"Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
> ......"Yes, it is."

"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
>"No."

"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
> ......"Okay, here it is."

"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
>"I can't reach."

"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
>"No."

"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
>"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle-it's because it's dark."

"Dark?"
>"Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

"Well, turn on the office light then."
>"I can't."

"No? Why not?"
>"Because there's a power outage."

"A power... A power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
>"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

"Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
>"Really? Is it that bad?"

"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
>"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."

From Funny Pages Mailing List

TRUE FACT ...

Humans begin laughing at two to three months of age. Six year olds laugh about 300 times per day, while adults laugh from 15 to 100 times per day.

SOURCE: NYT, Dr. William F. Fry, Stanford University

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

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Phillip Bower

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Copyright Information: Phillip Bower is not the author of the humor, and does not claim to own any copyright privileges to the jokes. Sources of jokes are listed when known. Birthday's and Happenings for the date, and quotations are public knowledge and collected from numerous sources. Quotations are public knowledge and sources are listed when known. Weekendspirations are written by Tim Knappenberger who has copyright privileges. Cathy Vinson authors Whispers from the Wilderness and owns copyright privileges. Weekendspirations and Whispers from the Wilderness are used with permission by the respective authors. Other devotions are written by Phillip Bower unless otherwise stated. In all cases credit is given when known. The Daily Miscellany is nonprofit. Submissions by readers is welcome.