Married
in Heaven
A couple about to be married got into a car accident the day before they
their wedding and died. When they went to Peter, they asked, "Peter, we would really
like to be married here in heaven." Peter replied, "Why don't you wait a few
years to make sure that you really would like to be together for forever."
"OK" they replied. So they waited.
About a hundred years went by and they asked again. Again Peter said to wait a while. So
again they waited. Another hundred years went by and they asked again. Peter finally said,
"OK Why not." So of course they had a grand wedding. About Eighty years went by
and they came to Peter and asked for a divorce. Peter replied, "Wait just a minute.
It took me two hundred years to get a minister up here. How do you think I will ever get a
lawyer up here?"
The Strongman and the Lemon
The strongman at a circus sideshow demonstrated his power before a large
audience. Toward the end, he squeezed the juice from a lemon between his hands. He then
said to the audience, "I will offer $200 to anyone in the audience who can squeeze
another drop from this lemon.
A thin scholarly looking man came forward, picked up the lemon, strained hard and managed
to get a drop. The strongman was amazed. He paid the man and asked, "What is the
secret of your strength?"
"Practice," the man answered. "I was the treasurer of the Methodist Church
for thirty-two years!
darsys@pro-entropy.cts.com
(Eric A. Seiden)
The Clergy and the Barber
A Rabbi went to the barber shop. After his hair cut, he got ready to pay
the barber and the barber said, "No Rabbi, I don't charge the clergy for
haircuts." So the next morning the barber found a loaf of Jewish rye bread outside of
his door step.
A couple of days past and a Catholic priest came in to get his hair cut. He got ready to
pay and the barber said, "No Father, I don't charge the clergy for hair cuts."
So the next morning he found a bottle of wine outside his front door step.
A couple of days later the Baptist preacher came in to get his hair cut and when he got
ready to pay the barber said, "No Reverend, I don't charge the clergy for their hair
cuts." So the next morning, the barber found 15 Baptist preachers on his doorstep,
ready to get their hair cut!
Mark D. Hodges
A fellow asks his boss, "Say Boss, my wife wants me to clean out the
basement tomorrow. Can I have the day off?".
"NO" the boss answers.
"Thanks Boss, I knew you'd come through"
A wife complains, "Our wall clock almost killed my mother today. It
fell only seconds after she got up from the couch."
The husband mumbles, "Stupid clock always was slow."
An impatient guy asks a clerk in the county court house, "How many
people are there working in this office?"
Bored clerk answers, "About a quarter of 'em."
A tortoise was walking back from the pub late one evening when he was mugged by three
snails.
Later on whilst taking giving a statement at the police station the officer in charge
asked "So can you tell me what happened?"
"Not really" replied the tortoise "it all happened so
fast"
The television salesman gave a man and his wife a demonstration of how to use a
remote-controlled set. He hooked it up in their living room, took the remote-control
transmitter a block down the street, and switched channels without difficulty.
But the wife didn't like it. She got tired of walking a block away every time she wanted
to change channels.
Today's Word –
ARDOR
I'm running a bit late - but online today
is the second and third of 7 Valentine pages. Each page will have a
fact, quote and inspiration related to Valentine's Day.
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