Lawyer Jokes
A man walked into a bar with
his alligator and asked the bartender, "Do you serve lawyers here?".
"Sure do," replied the bartender.
"Good," said the man. "Give me a beer, and I'll have a lawyer for my
'gator."
A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother. On their way through the
cemetery back
to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same
grave?"
"Of course not, dear." replied the mother, "Why would you think that?"
"The tombstone back there said 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'"
"You seem to have more than the
average share of intelligence for a man of your background," sneered the lawyer at a
witness on the stand.
"If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment," replied the witness.
Breaking "in" Is Hard To Do! (From Andy's Archives)
An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess. The route they
were flying had a stay-over in another city. Upon their arrival the captain showed
the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.
The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the
new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up
wondering what happened to her.
She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room.
"You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"
The stewardess replied, "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed,
"one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not
Disturb'!"
The Van Gogh
Family Tree
After much careful research it has been discovered that
the artist Vincent Van Gogh had many relatives.
Among them were:
His obnoxious brother................Please Gogh
His dizzy aunt ......................Verti Gogh
The brother who ate prunes...........Gotta Gogh
The brother who worked at a convenience store................Stopn Gogh
The grandfather from Yugoslavia......U Gogh
The brother who bleached his clothes white....................Hue Gogh
The cousin from Illinois.............Chica Gogh
His magician uncle...................Wherediddy Gogh
His Mexican cousin...................Amee Gogh
The Mexican cousin's American
half brother.....................Grin Gogh
The nephew who drove a stage coach...Wellsfar Gogh
The constipated uncle ...............Cant Gogh
The ballroom dancing aunt............Tan Gogh
The bird lover uncle.................Flamin Gogh
His nephew psychoanalyst.............E Gogh
The fruit loving cousin..............Man Gogh
An aunt who taught positive thinking.........................Wayto Gogh
The little nephew....................Poe Gogh
A sister who loved disco.............Ahgo Gogh
His Italian uncle................... Day Gogh
And his niece who travels the country in a van.................Winnie B. Gogh
From: Kasha Linka
BOOOO!
A man rushed into the doctor's office and shouted, "Doctor! I think I'm
shrinking!" The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have to
be a little patient."
TRUE FACT ...
Humans begin laughing at two to three months of age. Six year
olds laugh about 300 times per day, while adults laugh from 15 to 100 times per day.
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