Something Fishy

Fish A'La Lemon

Serving lemon and fish is a six hundred-year-old custom, that has nothing to do with flavor. Rather ,it was thought that if someone swallowed a bone, a mouthful of lemon juice would help to dissolve it. Ironically, there was some validity to the cure, though not for the reason people thought: sucking on a lemon caused the diner's throat muscles to contract, thus helping to free the bone. .

The Unbelievable Truth – Jeff Rovin

A cheerful heart is good medicine,
but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.
Proverbs 17:22 (NIV)

"What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity. These are but trifles, to be sure; but, scattered along life's pathway, the good they do is inconceivable."

Joseph Addison

IRISH JOKES

An American tourist was visiting a small village in Ireland and got talking to Murphy, the taxi driver. He said to him, "Who's the oldest man in this village?"

Murphy said, "We haven't got one - he died last week." 

From Zondervan

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Irish Signs

Sign in a Dublin Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
...
Sign in a Londonderry department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
...
Sign in an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN 

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Planting Time

An aging man lived alone in Ireland. His only son was in Long Kesh Prison, and he didn't know anyone who would spade up his potato garden. 

The old man wrote to his son about it, and received this reply, "For HEAVENS SAKE, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS!!!!!" 

At 4 A.M. the next morning, a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but didn't find any guns. 

Confused, the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next. 

His son's reply was: "Just plant your potatoes." 

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He's Dead

Paddy was found dead in his back yard, and as the weather was a bit on the warm side, the wake was held down to only two days, so his mortal remains wouldn't take a bad turn. At last his friends laid him in the box, nailed it shut & started down the hill into the churchyard. As it was a long, sloping path and the mourners were appropriately tipsy, one fellow lurched into the gatepost as they entered the graveyard. Suddenly a loud knocking came from in the box. Paddy was alive! They opened the box up and he sat up, wide eyed, and they all said, Sure, it's a miracle of God! All rejoiced & they went back and had a few more drinks but later that day, the poor lad died. Really died. Stone cold dead. They bundled him back into his box, and as they huffed and puffed down the hill the next morning, the priest said, "Careful now, boys; mind ye don't bump the gatepost again" 

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True Love

Michael Hoolihan was courting Frances Phelan. The young couple sat in the parlor of the girl's house night after night, much to the annoyance of old man Phelan. One night he couldn't take any more. Standing at the top of the stairs, he yelled down, "What's that young fella doin' here all hours of the night?"

 "Why, Dad, " said Frances, "Michael was just telling me everything that's in his heart!" 

"Well, next time, " roared Phelan, "just let him tell you what's in his head, and it won't take half as long!" 

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Irish Sportsman

Irishman went to a pet shop and asked how many budgies were in stock. "We have 99" replied the shop owner "Give us the lot" said the Irish man, paid for them and left. He went to a tailors shop and had 99 pockets sewn into a jacket, put a budgie in each pocket, went up to the Post Office Tower and jumped off. He hit the ground with an almighty smack and lay there groaning until a passer-by came and asked him what had happened. "I don't know sur" he replied "but that's the last time I try that budgie jumping"

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Not Strong Enough

Paddy was trapped in a bog and seemed a goner when Big Mick O'Reilly wandered by. 

"Help!" Paddy shouted, "Oi'm sinkin'!" 

Don't worry," assured Mick. "Next to the Strong Muldoon, Oi'm the strongest man in Erin, and Oi'll pull ye right out o' there." Mick leaned out and grabbed Paddy's hand and pulled and pulled to no avail. After two more unsuccessful attempts, Mick said to Paddy, "Shure, an' Oi can't 
do it. The Strong Muldoon could do it alone, mebbe, but Oi'll have to get some help." 

As Mick was leaving, Paddy called "Mick! Mick! D'ye think it will help if Oi pull me feet out of the stirrups?" 

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Duck Hunting 

Two Irishmen were out duck-shooting. They had their guns and dogs and walked for hours with no success. Dropping into the pub on the way back they listened with envy to all the other hunters who had obviously been very successful. 

"Where do you think we went wrong?" asked one. 

His friend thought for a minute. "You know, I think it must be that we're not throwing the dogs high enough." 

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Duck Hunting Again

Two Irishmen were out shooting ducks. One took aim and hit a bird which tumbled out of the sky to land at his feet. 

"Ah, you should have saved the bullet," said the other. The fall would have killed him, anyway." 

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Caught One

The FBI in America sent a photograph of a wanted criminal. The photo was in three poses - front face and two sideshots. They said: "We believe this criminal is in Ireland, keep a lookout for him." Two weeks later the Irish police sent back a message to the FBI, with the photograph, which read: "We got the fella in the middle but we're still looking for the other two!" 

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TRUE FACT ...

Humans begin laughing at two to three months of age. Six year olds laugh about 300 times per day, while adults laugh from 15 to 100 times per day.

Daily Miscellany Comics

Phillip Bower