Time Flies
A wife complains, "Our wall clock almost killed my mother
today. It fell only seconds after she got up from the couch."
The husband mumbles, "Stupid clock always was slow."
A List of
Workers
An impatient guy asks a clerk in the
county court house, "How many people are there working in this office?"
Bored clerk answers, "About a quarter of 'em."
A Statement
to the Police
A tortoise was walking back from the pub late one evening when he
was mugged by three snails.
Later on whilst taking giving a statement at the police station the officer in charge
asked "So can you tell me what happened?"
"Not really" replied the tortoise "it all happened so fast"
The Way it
Works
The television salesman gave a man and his wife a demonstration
of how to use a remote-controlled set. He hooked it up in their living room, took the
remote-control transmitter a block down the street, and switched channels without
difficulty.
But the wife didn't like it. She got tired of walking a block away every time she wanted
to change channels.
Down by the River
A Rabbi, a Vicar and a Priest went fishing one day, they patiently sat on
the river bank waiting for a bite, after a few hours the Rabbi stood up and said, "I
don't think we are to get anywhere here so I'm going to cross the river and try up
stream". The Priest pointed out that the nearest bridge was 3 miles away. "No
problem" replied the Rabbi who knelt down and prayed for a few seconds, then he stood
up and walked across the water! The Vicar started packing away his fishing equipment and
shouted to the Rabbi to wait for him. The Vicar knelt down said a quick prayer and walked
across the river to join the Rabbi. The Priest thought to himself if they can do it so can
I. "Wait for me" the Priest called, "There's no point in me staying here on
my own", the Priest knelt down and said a prayer stood up walked to the river bank
took one step out into the river then vanished beneath the surface. On the other bank the
Vicar turned to the Rabbi "Do you think we should of told him about the stepping
stones"?
A Day Off
A fellow asks his boss, "Say Boss, my wife wants me to clean
out the basement tomorrow. Can I have the day off?".
"NO" the boss answers.
"Thanks Boss, I knew you'd come through"
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