ALL THE REST –    March 22
  

 

Today's Quotations – JOY

 

quote

He who binds to himself a joy
Does the winged life destroy;
But he who kisses the joy as it flies 
Lives in eternity's sunrise.

  William Blake 1757 – 1827


 

quote

This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; the being a force of nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.

— George Bernard Shaw 1856 – 1950


 
quote

Man was made for joy and woe,
And when this we rightly know
Through the world we safely go.
Joy and Woe are woven fine
A clothing for the soul divine.

—  William Blake, Poems from the Pickering Manuscript

quote

For joys fall not to the rich alone, nor has he lived ill, who from birth to death has passed unknown.

— Horace [Quintus Horatius Flaccus] 65 – 8 B.C


 
quote

The Christian life that is joyless is a discredit to God and a disgrace to itself.

— Maltbie D. Babcock


 

 

Today's One Liner Wisdom



"Let us make one point, that we meet each other with a smile, when it is difficult to smile. Smile at each other, make time for each other in your family." 

—Mother Teresa 

 

word puzzle
  Today's Word – OPACITY
   

 


  o·pac·i·ty noun., plural. o·pac·i·ties. 1. The quality or state of being opaque. 2. Something opaque. 3.a. Obscurity; impenetrability. b. Dullness of mind.

The air was as an eye suddenly struck blind. The waggon and its load rolled no longer on the horizontal division between clearness and opacity, but were imbedded in an elastic body of a monotonous pallor throughout.

FAR FROM THE MADDING CROWD
by Thomas Hardy
 

Definitions from American Heritage Dictionary

 

Today's Fact

 

  
 


Mystery Writer

 
 

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle 1859 – 1930

Mr. Doyle was born this day in 1859. He was born in Edinburgh, Scotland. He was educated at a Jesuit school and later received his medical degree at Edinburgh University. He started practice as a family physician in Southsea, England. His practice was very small and he received very little income. To pass the time while waiting for patients, he began to write stories. The stories earned him some, but not much money; then Dr. Doyle wrote his first novel centering around the character who became the world's best-known detective, Sherlock Holmes. It was 1887 and the novel was titled, A Study in Scarlet. In 1891 he decided to give up medicine to concentrate on his writing.

He hoped that his nonfiction writings would make him famous. This did not happen. As a result of his nonfiction writing he did become Sir Arthur. Doyle was knighted in 1902 for his pamphlet justifying England's part in the Boer War, in which he served at a field hospital. His writings about Sherlock Holmes brought him much fame. Holmes appeared in 56 short stories and four novels. Doyle said he modeled Holmes after one of his teachers in Edinburgh, Dr. Joseph Bell. Bell could, for example, glance at a corpse on the anatomy table and deduce that the person had been a left-handed shoemaker.

SOURCE: Compton’s Interactive Encyclopedia

 

 

clown
Today's SMILE

 

A cheerful heart is good medicine,
but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.
Proverbs 17:22 (NIV)

 
   

 

 

"What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity. These are but trifles, to be sure; but, scattered along life's pathway, the good they do is inconceivable."

Joseph Addison

 

A FEW SMILES   

911

A woman called her doctor in a panic. Her son had swallowed a penny and she wanted to know if she should bring the boy in to be seen. "I don't think it's necessary," the doctor calmly replied. "Just watch him closely for any change."

From Zondervan


Not Raising Hogs (a recent Rerun per request)

          Honorable Secretary of Agriculture
          Washington, D.C.
    
          Dear Sir;
    
          My friend, Ed Peterson, over at Wells Iowa, received a check
          for $1,000 from the government for not raising hogs.  So, I
          want to go into the "not raising hogs" business next year.
    
          What I want to know is, in your opinion, what is the best
          kind of farm not to raise hogs on, and what is the best
          breed of hogs not to raise?  I want to be sure that I
          approach this endeavor in keeping with all governmental
          policies.  I would prefer not to raise razorbacks, but if
          that is not a good breed not to raise, then I will just as
          gladly not raise Yorkshires or Durocs.
    
          As I see it, the hardest part of this program will be in
          keeping an accurate inventory of how many hogs I haven't
          raised.
    
          My friend, Peterson, is very joyful about the future of the
          business.  He has been raising hogs for twenty years or so,
          and the best he ever made on them was $422 in 1968, until
          this year when he got your check for $1000 for not raising
          hogs.
    
          If I get $1000 for not raising 50 hogs, will I get $2000 for
          not raising 100 hogs?  I plan to operate on a small scale at
          first, holding myself down to about 4000 hogs not raised,
          which will mean about $80,000 the first year.  Then I can
          afford an airplane.
    
          Now another thing, these hogs I will not raise will not eat
          100,000 bushels of corn.  I understand that you also pay
          farmers for not raising corn and wheat.  Will I qualify for
          payments for not raising wheat and corn not to feed the 4000
          hogs I am not going to raise?
    
          Also, I am considering the "not milking cows" business, so
          send me any information you have on that too.
    
          In view of these circumstances, you understand that I will
          be totally unemployed and plan to file for unemployment and
          food stamps.
    
          Be assured you will have my vote in the coming election.
    
          Patriotically Yours,  

From CanCom


A Prayer

"Lord, Thou knowest better than I know myself that I  am growing older...Keep me from the fatal habit of  thinking I must say something on every subject and on every occasion.  Release me from craving to straighten out everybody's affairs.  Make me thoughtful but not moody; helpful but not bossy.  With my vast store of wisdom, it seems a pity not
to use it all, but Thou knowest, Lord, that I want  a few friends at the end."

From: William H. Rayborn


Reading Report ...          

           "The Department of Education says 40 million Americans
          cannot read or count.  It's astounding.  And if you don't
          believe it, just take a look at the person directly in front
          of you in the express checkout line."


Shortcut    

Two men were walking home after a party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.

"Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath, "You scared us half to death -- we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?"

"Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"


A Great PU

There was once a very influential farmer in a remote part of China, who had a problem. His chickens were losing their feathers and dying. He sought the counsel of the two wise men in town, Hing, who was a scientist, and Ming, who was a sorcerer. Hing, who has had many advanced course hours in poultry science, consults the classic text in poultry disease, "Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Diseases of Chickens, But Were Afraid to Ask." In the book Hing finds a reference to the report of a study showing that feeding the chickens with an infusion of gum tree leaves is often a remedy for chickens losing their feathers. Meanwhile Ming reads obscure writings of ancient wise men, he meditates, and he reads tarot cards and examines the entrails of a pig. Getting no inspiration he uses his old standby, reading tea leaves. In a spark of discovery, it comes to him that an infusion of gum tree leaves is the cure. So the two wise men report back to the influential Chinese farmer. Ming says "As gum sticks to tables and chairs, so shall an infusion of gum tree leaves make feathers stick to chickens." Hing agrees, saying "Studies show that infusions of gum tree leaves alleviate feather loss in chickens." The influential Chinese farmer is ecstatic, for the two wisest men in town are of a single mind. He decides to follow their recommendation. It does not work.

The moral of this story is:

"All of Hing's courses and all of Ming's ken couldn't get gum tea to feather a hen."

David A. Rinke II | Funny Pages Mailing List


Doctor Doctor 

"I just went to see my doctor."

"Which doctor?"

"He has been called a lot worse than that."


A patient described a pain in his stomach. Asked the doctor, "Did you have this pain before?"

The patient answered in the affirmative. Said the doctor, "Well, you got it again."


Patient: I think I need a second opinion.

Doctor: No problem. Come back tomorrow.


A neurotic builds a castle in the air.
A psychotic lives in the castle.
The psychiatrist gets the rent money.




A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.

 


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Phillip Bower

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Soul Food March 22

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Today in History March 22

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Copyright Information: Phillip Bower is not the author of the humor, and does not claim to own any copyright privileges to the jokes. Sources of jokes are listed when known. Birthday's and Happenings for the date, and quotations are public knowledge and collected from numerous sources. Quotations are public knowledge and sources are listed when known. Weekendspirations are written by Tim Knappenberger who has copyright privileges. Cathy Vinson authors Whispers from the Wilderness and owns copyright privileges. Weekendspirations and Whispers from the Wilderness are used with permission by the respective authors. Other devotions are written by Phillip Bower unless otherwise stated. In all cases credit is given when known. The Daily Miscellany is nonprofit. Submissions by readers is welcome.