Fine English Tea:

In the 19th century food frauds were not uncommon. England was afloat in gallons of counterfeit teas. At one time it was estimated that 1/2 of the tea sold in Britain was fake. The leaves from common trees and shrubs were boiled and dried to make counterfeit teas. Often leaves from ash, elder and buckthorn were used. To assure the proper color, dried leaves were tinted with copper plates.

If you were fortunate enough to purchase real tea, chances were, it was second-hand. Used tea leaves were sometimes given as perks to household staff. These used leaves would be doctored with gum and black lead and resold as new tea leaves. In 1843, there were eight factories in London alone for recycling and selling used tea leaves. Agents of these factories would visit coffee houses, hotels and clubs to purchase used tea leaves at three pence a pound. The used leaves were dried and mixed with native plant leaves, gums and dyes, then resold as new tea.

Purchasing imported tea did not assure one of 'pure' tea. During the roasting of tea leaves in China, green tea was often faked by the addition of four parts gypsum to three parts Prussian blue. Imperial gunpowder tea was routinely adulterated with dirt, sand, and tea-dust. The typical gunpowder tea was generally found to contain 45% earthy matter.

The Mammoth Book of Oddities - Frank O'Neil.

A cheerful heart is good medicine,
but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.
Proverbs 17:22 (NIV)

"What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity. These are but trifles, to be sure; but, scattered along life's pathway, the good they do is inconceivable."

Joseph Addison

The Wicked Witch of England

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Once upon a time in England, a very mean witch was terrorizing the local population, who finally went to see a wizard to see what could be done about her. The wizard gave them a potion that would turn the witch into a statue.

The townpeople managed to put the potion in the witch's food. When she found out about this, she turned green with rage, but it was too late and the potion worked as expected. The jubilant population had a big celebration and parade, and placed the petrified witch in a park as a public example.

Pretty soon, people discovered that the witch had been frozen in a position that made her a perfect sundial, and started using her to tell the time of day. The custom grew and even today, people often refer to Mean Green Witch Time. 

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Forgive and ?

This priest, after having looked for parking space in vain, parks his car in an illegal parking space. He then leaves a note on the window which reads, "Traffic officer, I have gone around this block about ten times and I couldn't find parking space. That's why I parked here. Forgive us our trespasses."

  Later when he gets back to his car, he finds he has been given a ticket, accompanied by the note, "I have gone around this block for about ten years and I have given tickets to traffic offenders without exception. Lead us not into temptation"   

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911

A fire department dispatch operator answered his phone one day to a panic stricken caller yelling, "Quick! Come quick! My kitchen's on fire! There's smoke everywhere! My whole house is gonna go! Get over here! Fast! "

The dispatch operator did his best to calm the man
down. "Slow down, sir, slow down. Keep calm. We'll be there just as soon as we can. How do we get there?

There was a pause and then the caller asked, "Don't you drive those big red trucks anymore?" 

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4 Husbands

Did you hear about the woman who was married four times
once to a millionaire
then to an actor
then to a minister
and last to an undertaker.

One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go!

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A man walks up to the bar with an ostrich behind him. As he sits, the bartender comes over and asks for their order.

The man says, "I'll have a beer" and turns to the ostrich. "What's yours?" "I'll have a beer, too" says the ostrich. The bartender pours the beer and says "That will be $3.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out exact change for payment.

The next day, the man, and the ostrich come again, and the man says I'll have a beer," and the ostrich says "I'll have the same." Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes a routine until, late one evening, the two enter again." The usual?" asks the bartender. "Well, it's close to last call, so I'll have a large scotch" says the man. "Same for me" says the ostrich. "That will be $7.20" says the bartender. Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the bar.

The bartender can't hold back his curiosity any longer. "Excuse me sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I just put my hand in my pocket, and the right amount of money will always be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the bartender. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!

"That's right! Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.

The bartender asks "One other thing, sir, what's with the ostrich?"

The man replies "My second wish was for a chick with long legs."

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At a pharmacy, Betty asked to use the infant scale to weigh the baby she held in her arms. The clerk explained that the device was out for repairs, but said that she would figure the infant's weight by weighing Betty and baby together on the adult scale, then weighing the mother alone and subtracting the second amount from the first. "It won't work," Betty countered. "I'm the aunt, not the mother."

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A new nurse listened while Dr. Bryce was yelling, "Typhoid! Tetanus! Measles!" The new nurse asked another nurse, "Why is he doing that?" The other nurse replied, "Oh, he just likes to call theshots around here."

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If money could talk, it would say good-bye.

Daily Miscellany Comics

Phillip Bower