Mary's Little Lamb
from the Lab
Mary had a little lamb, its fleece was slightly
gray,
It didn't have a father, just some borrowed DNA.
It sort of had a mother, though the ovum was on loan,
It was not so much a lambkin, as a little lamby clone.
And soon it had a fellow clone, and soon it had some more.
They followed her to school one day, all cramming through the door.
It made the children laugh and sing, the teachers found it droll,
There were too many lamby clones, for Mary to control.
No other could control the sheep, since their programs didn't vary,
So the scientists resolved it all, by simply cloning Mary.
But now they feel quite sheepish, those scientists unwary,
One problem solved, but what to do, with Mary, Mary, Mary...
PRETZEL SALES
A little old lady sold pretzels on a
street corner for 25 cents each. Every day a young lawyer would leave his office building at lunch time and, as he passed her pretzel stand, he would leave her a quarter, but would never take a pretzel.
This went on for more than five years. The two of them never spoke. One day as the lawyer passed the old ladies pretzel stand and left his quarter as usual, the pretzel woman spoke to him, " Sir, I appreciate your business. You are a good customer, but I have to tell you that the pretzel price has increased to 35 cents."
Reading
Stats
"The Department of Education says
40 million Americans cannot read or count. It's astounding. And if you don't believe it,
just take a look at the person directly in front of you in the express checkout
line."
(Argus Hamilton)
Sick
of Blonde Jokes
This blonde decides one day that she is sick
and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she
decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at
work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.
The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.
Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks
into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices
that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks
her if she is OK.
She replies yes.
He asks what she is doing.
She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she
wanted to do it by painting the house.
He then asks her why she has a ski jacket and a fur coat on.
She replies that she was reading the directions the paint can and they said, for best
results, put on two coats.
From Best of Humor
Riddles
What won't break if you throw off the highest
building in the world, but will break if you place it in the ocean?
A tissue.
What's better than the best thing and worse than the
worst thing?
Nothing.
What is the biggest ant?
An elephant.
What is three feet long?
A yard.
What do fish play on the piano?
Scales.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A stick.
What do you call three rabbits in a row, hopping
backwards simultaneously?
A receding hareline.
What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.
What do you throw out when you want to use it, but
take in when you don't want to use it?
An anchor.
What has more lives than a cat?
A frog. It croaks every night.
Geometry teacher to class: "A six-sided polygon
is called a hexagon, a five-sided ones are called pentagons."
"What about two sided ones?" asked a student.
"They don't exist." said the teacher.
"I beg to differ! I think we should just let bi-gons be bi-gons."
A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he was coming down
the aisle he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd (alternating between
bride's side and groom's side). While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like
claws and roar loudly.
So it went, step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR all the way down the aisle.
As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached
the front. The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the
laughing, and was near tears by the time he reached the pulpit. When asked what he was
doing, the child sniffed and said, "I was being the Ring Bear."
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