SWALLOW
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though they were a very large mammal their throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
The teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah"
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
TAXES
You know it's a bad day when your income tax refund check bounces.
Why do people pay taxes?
To help out the government -- so the government doesn't have to pay for everything.
A businessman who was near death asked that his remains be cremated and the ashes be
mailed to the Internal Revenue Service with the following note attached: "Now You
Have It All."
The IRS sent back my tax return saying I owed $800. I said "If you'll notice, I
sent a paper clip with my return. Given what the government has been paying for things
lately, that should more than make up the difference."
A fine is a tax for doing something wrong.
A tax is a fine for doing something right.
It's All De Same To
Me!
A man was rushing his wife, who was pregnant with twins, to the hospital.
He was so nervous and
disoriented, he pulled up to the emergency room and rear-ended an ambulance! Though a very
minor bump, he actually passed out from the stress! Upon regaining consciousness, he saw
his brother (a relentless world-class practical joker) sitting at his bed side. He asked
his brother how his wife was and his brother replied, "Don't worry, everybody is fine
and you have a son and a daughter. But the hospital was in a real hurry to get the birth
certificates filed and both you and your wife were unconscious so I named them for
you."
The husband's heart jumped up into to his throat, thinking, "Oh no, what has he done
now?" He nervously asked his brother, "W-w-well, what did you name them?"
The brother replied, "I named the little girl Denise."
"Really?!? Oh! Well, that's a very pretty name!" the husband said, his relief
showing as he sat up. "And what did you name my son?"
"Denephew."
Kasha Linka
Married in Heaven
This fellow who had spent his whole life in the desert comes to visit a
friend. He'd never seen a train or the tracks they run on.
While standing in the middle of the RR tracks one day, he hears this whistle -- Whooee da
Whoee! -- but doesn't know what it is.
Predictably, he's hit -- but, only a glancing blow -- and is thrown, head-over-heels, to
the side of the tracks, with some minor internal injuries, a few broken bones, and some
bruises.
After weeks in the hospital recovering, he's at his friend's house attending a party, one
evening. While in the kitchen, he suddenly hears the tea kettle whistling. He grabs a
baseball bat from the nearby closet and proceeds to batter and bash the tea kettle into an
unrecognizable lump of metal.
His friend, hearing the ruckus, rushes into the kitchen, sees what's happened and asks the
desert man: "Why'd you ruin my good tea kettle?"
The desert man replies: "Man, you gotta kill these things when they're small."
From: Kasha Linka
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