The Gift
There was a man who traveled
all around the world. Every city he stopped in he would buy something for his mother and
send it to her. On one such stop he found a parrot that spoke thirty different languages.
He immediatley bought it and sent it home to his mother.
A few days later he calls his mother. "Did you like the parrot?" he asked her.
"Oh yes," she replied. "It was delicious."
"WHAT!" the man cried. "You ate it! That parrot wasn't for you to eat! It
spoke thirty languages!"
The mother paused for a moment and then said, "So why didn't he say something?"
Oracle Service Humor
Mailing List Submitted by: HoudiniMV @ aol.com
Top Ten Reasons to
Join the Church Choir
10 Long, flowing choir robes cover nasty armpit stains,
wrinkled sports shirts and mismatched outfits.
9 Choir members take communion first, thus avoiding
long, thumb-twiddling wait experienced by lowly congregation.
8 Large music folders easily conceal crossword puzzle
book, Soap Opera Digest, Sports Illustrated and other periodicals needed during long
sermons.
7 Choir exits church from chancel area, thereby
bypassing the narthex and those uncomfortable, forced-smile meetings with new members, the
pastor and church members you'd really rather not see.
6 10:30 Sunday morning call means choir members get
early reprieve from Sunday School.
5 Keeping a running count of those dozing in the
congregation helps service pass quickly.
4 Choir members share 50% of tip money earned by
organist at his/her other, more lucrative job as pianist at the Highland Mall food court.
3 Wednesday night rehearsals provide a relaxing couple
of hours away from grumpy spouse and wild kids.
2 Can't read music? Can't carry a tune? Two words:
Tenor Section!
And the #1 reason to join the Church Choir...
1 Offering plate is never passed in the choir loft!
You Gotta Get up
Early
Very early one morning two birds are sitting at the side of a large puddle
of oil. They see a worm on the other side. So... the one flies over and the other one
swims through - which one gets to the worm first?
The one who swam, of course, because "da oily boid gets da woim"
Two molecules are walking down the street and they run in to each other. One says to
the other, "Are you all right?"
"No I lost an electron!"
"Are you sure"
"I'm positive !"
An Honest Lawyer??
An investment counselor went out on her own, forming her own business. She was shrewd and diligent, so clients kept coming in. Pretty soon she realized she needed an in-house counsel, and so she began interviewing young lawyers.
"As I'm sure you can understand," she started off with one of the first applicants, "in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question." She leaned forward.. "Mr. Peterson, are you an 'honest' lawyer?"
"Honest?" replied the job prospect. "Let me tell you something about honest. Why, I'm so honest that my father lent me fifteen thousand dollars for my education and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case."
"Impressive. And what sort of case was that?"
The lawyer squirmed in his seat and admitted, "He sued me for the money."
Silly Wabbit
A blind rabbit and a blind snake a making their tentative ways through the
forest bump into each other. They startle and draw back. "Wha...wha...what kind of
animal are YOU?" asks the rabbit.
The snake hesitates, then replies..."Lets see if we can each guess what the other is.
I'll go first." "OK" says the rabbit, and the snake starts touching around
over the rabbit. "What long ears you have.", says the snake, "...and how
warm and soft you are. Oh, and you have a round fuzzy tail. You must be a rabbit."
"Yes, yes!" says the rabbit. "Now it's my turn. OH MY! Yah, yah, you're so
cold and slimy! And spineless, too! Yah, yah, you must be...OH NO...... an attorney!"
"You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your
background," sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand.
"If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment," replied the witness.
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