Today's Short Words of Wisdom

Beware of little expenses; a small leak will sink a great ship.

Benjamin Franklin

Today's Word – SWARTHY

swarth·y adjective. Having a dark complexion or color. [Alteration of swarty, from swart.]

Deerslayer saw at a glance that many of the warriors were absent. His acquaintance, Rivenoak, however, was present, being seated in the foreground of a picture that Salvator Rosa would have delighted to draw, his swarthy features illuminated as much by pleasure as by the torch-like flame, while he showed another of the tribe one of the elephants that had caused so much sensation among his people.

THE DEERSLAYER OR, THE FIRST WAR-PATH
James Fenimore Cooper

Definitions from American Heritage Dictionary

Today's Fact


Vultures

It is said that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Once again we see the beauty in God's creation as demonstrated in the vulture.

It is said that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. This may well be true in the case of vultures. At first look, most vultures are anything but pleasing to the eye. BUT, perhaps to another vulture it is another story. Actually as one looks more closely at the vultures one will begin to see their beauty. These birds are very necessary to the environment. God has created them uniquely to live and prosper in their role. They are a beautiful example of the architecture and engineering of God the Creator.

Vulture is a common name for two groups of carrion-eating birds. They feed almost entirely on carrion. But occasionally they will attack newborn or wounded living animals. Most hunt by sight, soaring and watching for other vultures descending to feed. A few of the American vultures have a well-developed sense of smell.

All vultures are large birds with a naked head and hooked bill. They are unique among most birds for being bald. Because of the nature of their feeding habits they tend to stick their head and beaks into places where all type of mites and bacteria live. Our Creator has designed them without feathers on top of their head for a reason. Without top feathers there is nothing for the potentially dangerous bacteria and mites to cling to and multiply. Their baldness allows the vultures to remain healthy.

One of the largest living flying birds is the Andean condor. It is a vulture with a wingspread of up to 10.5 feet. The familiar turkey vulture is found from South America north to southern Canada. Also living within this range is the American black vulture, whose naked head is black rather than red. The largest North American vulture is the California condor.

The American vultures lack a voice. The vultures do not have any means of protection. Although the birds are generally large, their hooked beaks and lumbering walk affords them little help in terms of defense. The turkey vulture has a very unusual and unappetizing way of defending himself. When threatened and afraid, the bird will vomit up its stomach contents. The noisome mass of partially digested carrion will turn away most any preditor.

Source: Microsoft(R) Encarta(R) | The Unbelievable Truth - Jeff Rovin

And God said, "Let the waters swarm with fish and other life. Let the skies be filled with birds of every kind." So God created great sea creatures and every sort of fish and every kind of bird. And God saw that it was good.

Genesis 1:20-21 (NLT)

Today's SMILE


A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. Proverbs 17:22 (NIV)

"What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity. These are but trifles, to be sure; but, scattered along life's pathway, the good they do is inconceivable."

Joseph Addison

A FEW SMILES

It's Just Gotta Be love

An older couple regularly attended church. The pastor was much impressed by how harmonious and how in love they seemed. They always held hands all through the service.

One day after church, the pastor couldn't resist going up to them to express his admiration. He said, "I find it so inspirational to see how deeply in love you are, even, after all these years, holding hands like that."

The wife looked up sharply and said, "It's not love, Pastor, I'm just keeping him from cracking his knuckles."

Another Memo from the Boss
from Kasha Linka KashaL@concentric.net

It has come to our attention recently that many of you have been turning in time sheets that specify large amounts of Miscellaneous Unproductive Time (code 5309). To our department, unproductive time is not a problem. What is a problem, however, is not knowing exactly what you are doing with your unproductive time. The newly installed Activity Based Costing Financial System requires additional information to achieve its goals. Attached below is a sheet specifying a tentative extended job code list based on our observations of employee activities. The list will allow you to specify with better precision what you are doing during your unproductive time.

Please begin using this job code list immediately and let us know about any difficulties you may encounter.

Extended Task Code List Code # Explanation:

5000 Surfing the Net
5001 Reading/Writing Social Email
5002 Sharing Social E-Mail (see codes #5003, #5004)
5003 Collecting Jokes and Other Humorous Material via E-Mail
5004 Forwarding Jokes and Other Humorous Material via E-Mail
5005 Faxing Jokes and Other Humorous Material to Friends not on E-Mail
5316 Meeting
5317 Obstructing Communications at Meeting
5318 Trying to sound knowledgeable while in Meeting
5319 Waiting for Break
5320 Waiting for Lunch
5321 Waiting for End of Day
5322 Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker
5323 Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker while Coworker Is Not Present
5393 Covering for Incompetence of Coworker Friend
5400 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who Is Not Interested in Learning
5401 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is Stupid
5402 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who Hates Me
5481 Buying Snack
5482 Eating Snack

5500 Filling Out Time Sheet
5501 Inventing Time Sheet Entries
5502 Waiting for Something to Happen
5503 Scratching Myself
5504 Sleeping
5510 Feeling Bored
5600 Complaining about Lousy Job (see code #5610)
5601 Complaining about Low Pay (see code #5610)
5602 Complaining about Long Hours (see code #5610)
5603 Complaining about Coworker (see codes #5322, #5323)
5604 Complaining about Boss (see code #5610)
5605 Complaining about Personal Problems
5610 Searching for a New Job
5640 Miscellaneous Unproductive Complaining
5701 Not Actually Present at Job
5702 Suffering from Eight-Hour Flu
6102 Ordering Out
6103 Waiting for Food Delivery to Arrive
6104 Taking it Easy while Digesting Food
6200 Using Company Resources for Personal Profit
6201 Stealing Company Goods
6202 Making Excuses after Accidentally Destroying Company Goods
6203 Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distant Personal Calls
6206 Gossiping
6207 Planning a Social Event
6210 Feeling Sorry for Myself
6221 Pretending to Work While Boss is Watching
6222 Pretending to Enjoy My Job
6223 Pretending I Like My Coworkers
6224 Pretending I Like Important People When in Reality They Are Jerks
6238 Miscellaneous Unproductive Fantasizing
6601 Running my Own Business on Company Time (see code #6603)
6602 Complaining
6603 Writing a Book on Company Time
6604 Planning a Vacation on Company Time
6611 Staring Into Space
6612 Staring at Computer Screen
6615 Transcendental Meditation
7281 Extended Trip to the Bathroom (at least 10 min.)
7400 Talking with Divorce Lawyer on Phone
7401 Talking with Plumber on Phone
7402 Talking with Dentist on Phone
7403 Talking with Doctor on Phone
7404 Talking with Masseuse on Phone
7405 Talking with House Painter on Phone
7406 Talking with Personal Therapist on Phone
7419 Talking with Miscellaneous Paid Professional on Phone
7425 Talking with Mistress/Boy Toy on Phone (also see code #7400)
7931 Asking Coworker to Aid Me in an Illicit Activity
8000 Recreational Drug Use

If you want to make your marriage a happy one," said the lecturer to an audience of young men, "you must have a realistic attitude. You must be patient with your wives. When you are going out together, don't worry if your wife is not ready on time. The thing for you to do is to have a book handy so that you can read it while you wait. I assure you that you will be absolutely astonished at the amount of culture you will acquire." - Source unknown

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

Daily Miscellany Comics

Have A Great Day

Phillip Bower

Soul Food April 30

Today in History April 30

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Copyright Information: Phillip Bower is not the author of the humor, and does not claim to own any copyright privileges to the jokes. Sources of jokes are listed when known. Birthday's and Happenings for the date, and quotations are public knowledge and collected from numerous sources. Quotations are public knowledge and sources are listed when known. Weekendspirations are written by Tim Knappenberger who has copyright privileges. Cathy Vinson authors Whispers from the Wilderness and owns copyright privileges. Weekendspirations and Whispers from the Wilderness are used with permission by the respective authors. Other devotions are written by Phillip Bower unless otherwise stated. In all cases credit is given when known. The Daily Miscellany is nonprofit. Submissions by readers is welcome.

	I hope so. – Andrew Carnegie Spoken to his wife who had wished him a good night. 1919
		Lord help my poor soul. – Edgar Allan Poe 1849
	Approaching dissolution brings relief. – Neville Chamberlain British Prime Minister 1940
		Forsake me not, O my God. – Blaise Pascal
	The bullet hasn’t been made that can kill me!’ Jack ‘Legs’ Diamond, US gangster, killed in 1931

ALL THE REST – April 30

Today's Quotations – More Last Words

Today's Short Words of Wisdom

Today's Word – SWARTHY

Today's Fact