ALL THE REST –    May 11
  

 

Today's Quotations –  Insults to Americans 

 

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It is absurd to say that there are neither ruins nor curiosities in America when they have their mothers and their manners.

–   Oscar Wilde

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Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic.

– Dan Rather

 

  
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If you surveyed a hundred typical middle-aged Americans, I bet you'd find that only two of them could tell you their blood types, but every last one of them would know the theme song from the Beverly Hillbillies.

– Dave Barry

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You may be sure that the Americans will commit all the stupidities they can think of, plus some that are beyond imagination.

–  Charles De Gaulle

 
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When I go abroad I always sail from Boston because it is such a pleasant place to get away from.

–  Oliver Herford

 

Today's Short Words of  Wisdom



Most of us are just about as happy as we make up our minds to be.

Abraham Lincoln 

 

word puzzle
  Today's Word – MYRIAD 
   

 


 myr·i·ad adjective. 1. Constituting a very large, indefinite number; innumerable: the myriad fish in the ocean. 2. Composed of numerous diverse elements or facets: the myriad life of the metropolis. - noun. 1. A vast number: the myriads of bees in the hive. 2. Archaic. Ten thousand.

As late as this morning his press secretary and spokesman, Steven Plannk, former executive editor of the Global Weekly, had denied Carpathia's interest in the job and outlined myriad demands the Romanian would insist upon before even considering the position.

Left Behind
Tim LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins

Definitions from American Heritage Dictionary

 

Today's Fact

 May is frog Month on the Daily Miscellany - I hope you enjoy these facts about amphibians. God is a marvelous architect and his sense of humor and creativity is expressed in these interesting creations.

firebg.jpg (2091 bytes)

Amphibians and FROGS
frogs.wmf (17124 bytes)  

 

Frog4.gif (14233 bytes)
Frogs and Toads


Let hear it From the frogs


It started here in the evenings several weeks ago. Its the distinctive sounds of the frog chorus. From our front yard the sound of the singing frogs can be heard from early evening to early morning. I can identify 3 distinct species of frogs by their song. One of the loudest and most distinctive is that of the spring peeper (Pseudacris crucifer). This little tree frog sings its heart out with a sharp, high-pitched, bird-like pe-ep, pe-ep, pe-ep. In a full chorus its sound can be heard clearly up to a mile away. (More about this amazing frog in a few days).

Many have only heard the songs of the frogs from movie or TV soundtracks. Most often the sound used for the movies is that of the Pacific tree frog. The song of this frog is the familiar ribbit sound. The Pacific tree frog is the only American frog species with this ribbit call. Florida naturalist Archie Carr once said, "Perhaps the reason frog songs are not generally appreciated is that they are sung in places where mosquitoes and snakes live." The songs also generally begin after sundown, when people head to air conditioned homes to watch TV.

The singing that we hear is generally done by the male frogs. Females of a few species do have recognizable voices (leopard frogs and bullfrogs, for example). In calling the frog forces air from its lungs through the larynx, causing the vocal cords to vibrate and produce the sound. The sound is amplified and given a characteristic timbre by one or more vocal sacs. Those frogs without a vocal sack have soft voices or may not call at all. Vocal sacs are pouches of skin beneath the floor of the mouth or at the corners of the mouth, and have openings into the mouth cavity. When calling the frog keeps its mouth and nostrils closed and uses muscles of the body wall and throat to shunt the air back and forth between the mouth-sac cavity and the lungs.

Frog calls are very species specific. There are many instances where physical differences between frog species are very slight, but their call provides for sure identification. The call, thus, serves to promote selection of an appropriate mate. Listening to a chorus with several species calling simultaneously, one would find no difficulty in distinguishing different calls. The frogs would actually hear much less confusion. Their ears tend to be tuned to the frequency level of their own species call and is not jammed by extraneous noises.

Sources for the Amphibian - Frog series include:

Encyclopedia of Reptiles and Amphibians - Editors: Dr. Harold G. Cogger, Dr. Richard G,.Zweifel, Academid Press
Frogs - Text: David Badger, Photography: JohnNetherton; Voyageur Press
Groliers Encyclopedia
Microsoft(R) Encarta(R)
Encyclopedia Britanica

Let every created thing give praise to the Lord,
for he issued his command, and they came into being.
Psalm 148:5 (NLT)

 

 

clown
Today's SMILE

 

A cheerful heart is good medicine,
but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.
Proverbs 17:22 (NIV)

  
   

 

 

"What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity. These are but trifles, to be sure; but, scattered along life's pathway, the good they do is inconceivable."

Joseph Addison

 

A FEW SMILES   

Moses is Called

smile10.gif (11018 bytes)Moses is sitting in the Egyptian ghetto, things are going terrible: the Pharoah won't even talk to him, the rest of the Hebrews are mad at him for making the overseers even more irritable than usual. He's about ready
to give up.

Suddenly a booming, sonorous voice speaks from above: "YOU, MOSES, HEED ME. I HAVE GOOD NEWS, AND BAD NEWS."

Moses is staggered. The voice continues:

"YOU, MOSES, WILL LEAD THE PEOPLE OF ISRAEL FROM BONDAGE. IF THE PHAROAH REFUESES TO RELEASE YOUR BONDS I WILL SMOTE EGYPT WITH A RAIN OF FROGS."

"YOU, MOSES, WILL LEAD THE PEOPLE OF ISRAEL TO THE PROMISED LAND. IF THE PHAROAH BLOCKS YOUR WAY I WILL SMOTE EGYPT WITH A PLAGUE OF LOCUSTS."

"YOU, MOSES, WILL LEAD THE PEOPLE TO FREEDOM AND SAFETY. IF THE PHAROAH'S ARMY PURSUES YOU, I WILL PART THE WATERS OF THE RED SEA TO OPEN YOUR PATH TO THE PROMISED LAND."

Moses is stunned. He stammers, "That's, that's fantastic, I can't believe it! - but what's the bad news?"

"YOU, MOSES, MUST WRITE THE ENVIRONMENTAL IMPACT STATEMENT."

A matter of perspective

A woman, while touring a small South American country was shown a bullfight. The guide told her, "This is our number one sport."

The horrified woman said, "Isn't that revolting?"

"No," the guide replied, "that's our number two sport."     

Source:David A. Rinke II / Funny Pages Mailing List   bjebonnie@juno.com

Baseball in Heaven

One day Satan challenged Heaven to a baseball game. Peter took a quick look at the rosters and accepted warning Satan that heaven had all the greatest players who ever died. Satan acknowledged, but told Peter don't worry we have a seceret weapon.

On the day of the game Peter asked Satan who his seceret weapon was and Satan responded he had all the Umpires.

Mary Poppins

Mary Poppins was traveling home but due to worsening weather, she decided to stop at a hotel for the night. She approached the receptionist and asked for a room for the night.

"Certainly madam," he replied courteously.

"Is the restaurant open still?" inquired Mary.

"Sorry, no," came the reply, "but room service is available all night. Would you care to select something from this menu?"

Mary smiled and took the menu and perused it. "Hmm, I would like Hmm cauliflower cheese please," said Mary.

"Certainly madam," he replied.

"And can I have breakfast in bed?" asked Mary politely. The receptionist nodded and smiled.

"In that case, I would love a couple of eggs please, poached," Mary mused. After confirming the order, Mary signed in and went up to her room for the night.

The night passed uneventfully and next morning Mary came down early to check out. The same guy was still on the desk.

"Morning madam. Sleep well?"

"Yes thank you," Mary replied.

Food to your liking?"

"Well, I have to say the cauliflower cheese was exceptional, I don't think I have had better. Shame about the eggs though. They really weren't that nice at all," Mary replied truthfully.

"Oh, well perhaps you could care to contribute these thoughts to our Guest Comments Book. We are always looking to improve our service and would value your opinion," said the receptionist.

"OK I will. Thanks!" replied Mary, who then checked out, paused a while, then scribbled a comment into the book. Waving, she left to continue her journey.

Curious, the receptionist picked up the book to see the comment Mary had written.
Here it is...

"Supercauliflowercheesebuteggswerequiteatrocious !!!"

From Bill's Punch Line Terry Galan galante@MCMAIL.CIS.MCMASTER.CA  

The United States has just completed work on a new missile,
nicknamed "Civil Servant." It won't work and they can't fire it.

 


Daily Miscellany Comics

 

Have A Great Day

Phillip Bower

 

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Send Mail to pbower@neo.rr.com


Copyright Information: Phillip Bower is not the author of the humor, and does not claim to own any copyright privileges to the jokes. Sources of jokes are listed when known. Birthday's and Happenings for the date, and quotations are public knowledge and collected from numerous sources. Quotations are public knowledge and sources are listed when known. Weekendspirations are written by Tim Knappenberger who has copyright privileges. Cathy Vinson authors Whispers from the Wilderness and owns copyright privileges. Weekendspirations and Whispers from the Wilderness are used with permission by the respective authors. Other devotions are written by Phillip Bower unless otherwise stated. In all cases credit is given when known. The Daily Miscellany is nonprofit. Submissions by readers is welcome.