Visiting an old Friend
Jimmy Green and Sam Frank were lifelong friends, but, whereas Jimmy led a
virtuous life, Sam did not, enjoying wine, women and song. When they died, Jimmy went to
Heaven but was dismayed to find his friend had been sent to the other place, and after a
while, he asked St. Peter if he might visit Sam.
Well Peter reluctantly agreed, but said that, like Cinderella, he must be
back before midnight.
Jimmy took his harp and went down to Hell. There, he was told that Sam ran
a disco down the road. He soon found his friend and they proceeded to have a great time
swopping memories, until Jimmy, like Cinderella, suddenly realized it was five to twelve.
He dashed back up to Heaven where St. Peter checked him in, but asked
where his harp was. Jimmy slapped his forehead and groaned "Gosh, I left my harp in
Sam Frank's disco."
The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to, after
the worship service, ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were
expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the
regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The
substitute wanted to know what to play. "Here's a copy of the service," he said
impatiently. "But you'll have to think of something to play after I make the
announcement about the finances." During the service, the minister paused and said,
"Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as
much as we expected, and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more,
please stand up." At that moment, the substitute organist played "The
Star-Spangled Banner." And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!
It's
Ingenuity
A guy from up North (Canada) goes into a classy bar in the South (States).
This bar has a dress code, and the maitre d' demands he wear a tie.
Discouraged, the guy goes to his car to sulk when inspiration strikes:
He's got jumper cables in the trunk! So he wraps them around his neck, sort of like a
string tie (a bulky string tie to be sure) and returns to the bar. The maitre d' is
reluctant, but says to the guy, "Okay, you're a pretty resourceful fellow, you can
come in... but just don't start anything"!.'
Best of: Humor thayer@netusa1.net
Come
Quick It's Disgusting
It was three o'clock in the morning, and the receptionist at a posh hotel was just dozing off, when a little old lady came running towards her, screaming.
"Please come quickly!" she yelled, "I just saw a naked man outside my window!"
The receptionist immediately rushed up to the old lady's room.
"Where is he?" asked the receptionist.
"He's over there," replied the little old lady, pointing to an apartment building opposite the hotel.
The receptionist looked over and could see a man with no shirt on, moving around his apartment.
"It's probably a man who's getting ready to go to bed," she said reassuringly. "And how do you know he's naked, you can only see him from the waist up?"
"The dresser!" screamed the old lady. "Try standing on the dresser!"
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