OLD FROGS never die, they just croak
Q. What do frog princes like to eat with their hamburgers?
A. French flies.
Two poodles were chatting.
"I can't figure it out," said the first dog. "I'm in perfect physical
shape, but I'm constantly anxious."
The second dog says, "Why don't you go to a psychiatrist?"
To this the first dog remarks, "How can I? I'm not allowed on the couch!!"
A man needs a heart transplant and is put on the top of the priority list. Days are
passing by, but there is still no available compatible heart. As death becomes imminent,
his doctor presents him with a possible life-saving alternative.
"Jim, we want to help you, but we cannot find a compatible human heart. However,
we are testing animal hearts in humans and can offer you a sheep heart. Are you
willing?"
The man agrees after weighing the options, and the surgeon transplants the sheep heart
into him. A few days after the operation, the man comes in for a checkup. The doctor asks
him "How are you feeling?" The man replies "Not BAAAAD!"
The Have you heard about the man who got the job driving the bus for Sesame Street? He
was really looking forward to meeting all the Sesame Street characters, and so he was
filled with great anticipation his first day on the job. As he stood outside the bus
waiting for his riders to begin to arrive, the first person he saw approaching the bus was
an *extremely* large woman. Before she boarded the bus, he asked her her name. Huffing and
puffing from the exertion of walking, she replied, "My name is Patty."
"Well, Patty, climb on board. We'll be leaving shortly." The next passenger, a
man just as big as the woman, was wearing a large green suit. When asked his name by the
new driver, he replied with a noticeable accent, "My name is Patrick...I'm Irish, you
know. My friends all call me 'Patty'."
"Patty, meet Patty. You two can get to know each other while I await several more
passengers that I see coming."
As the new driver stood there, he found himself thinking, "Where are Bert and
Ernie???" The next passenger was a little retarded boy. "Hi, little boy. What's
your name?"
"My name is Ross, and my parents tell me I'm special."
"Ross, I'm really glad to have a nice boy like you ride on my bus today. Climb on,
and we'll leave in just a minute." The last person to approach the bus was a really
strange looking man. "Hello, sir. What's your name?"
In a surly manner he answered, "My name is Lester Creep!" For lack of anything
better to say, he told him, "Lester, we're about to leave so please have a
seat."
Now the driver was really thinking, "I thought I was going to meet Big Bird and
Cookie Monster!!!" As he was pulling away from the curb, he looked in his rear view
mirror. Much to his horror, he saw Lester sitting there with his shoe off, picking at a
bunion or something on his big toe. "Oh, gross!" he thought. "This is
nothing like I thought it would be! No Bert, no Ernie! Just a bunch of weirdos!!!"
He mulled it all over for a while, then suddenly he began to smile. He thought to himself,
"Who would ever believe that, the first day on my new job I have two obese Patties,
special Ross, and Lester Creep pickin' bunions on a Sesame Street Bus?!?!"
There is an Indian tribe near here that has a problem: they can't sleep.
It is a small tribe; only 500 members, but every one has insomnia. They are called the
Indian-napless 500.
Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.
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