Today's Quotations – LAUGHTER:

Central America
The SLOTH

The sloth is said by some to be the strangest animal of the jungle canopy. Nothing is done by the sloth without long, careful deliberation. When once the sloth decides to act. he moves very, very slowly. The sloth is so sluggish and dull that it almost seems more vegetable than animal. The characteristic slow, slothful activity of the sloth is due to its low basil metabolism and a relatively small amount of muscle tissue compared to other animals of the same size. These qualities allow the sloth to live successfully in a habitat of minimal protein sources.

The sloth spends most of its life in the tree tops. It generally hangs upside down from the branches, feeding on drooping leaves and fruits. A sloth might spend its entire lifetime within a grove of 50 or so trees. With its hook like claws and careful movements, the sloth travels with sureness and safety along the highway of branches in the forest canopy. Travel on the ground for the sloth is a laborious process. The sloth must drag himself arduously along by grasping at roots or stems or irregularities in the earth. Once a week the sloth descends to the base of its tree and defecates. Once that job is accomplished, the sloth returns to the arboreal canopy for another week of eating.

The sloth is a rather ugly animal by most standards. The fur of the sloth is overgrown with algae. Moths also find a home in the fur of the homely sloth. Its slow movements and algae covered hair provide a great camouflage. The sloth can be virtually invisible to its predators. The sloth is very tough and capable of surviving wounds and traumatic shook that would kill other creatures.

Two species of sloth can be found in the jungles of Central America, the two-toed sloth and the three-toed sloth. The three-toed sloth is a fairly placid animal. It is the slower of the two species. The three-toed sloth can cover a mile in about four and one half hours. Though neither species of sloth is very aggressive, the two-toed sloth is less placid. The two-toed sloth possesses a quicker temper and sharp awl-like teeth that can splinter a one inch board. The two toed sloth can give a good account of itself in combat against ocelots and other enemies. The two-toed sloth is also the speedster of the duo. It can travel at the blinding speed of three miles in an hour. 

A cheerful heart is good medicine,
but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.
Proverbs 17:22 (NIV)

"What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity. These are but trifles, to be sure; but, scattered along life's pathway, the good they do is inconceivable."

Joseph Addison

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A Different Version, but one of my favorites

One day a young man had an auto accident. He was very badly injured in the accident and as a result he lost his job. The injury left the man in a wheelchair and unable to do his regular joy. Well, the people at the local church felt sorry for him. They gave him and his family some money and helped to pay the bills. They did not wish to insult the man with a handout so they gave him the job of ringing the church bell every Sunday.

One day, as the man wheeled himself up to the rope attached to the bell, he tugged on it and the rope broke. He didn't want to lose his job so he pulled himsefl up three flights of stairs and got to the bell.

First he tried to push it, then hit it, but he had no leverage. So he decided to hit it with his head. He started a rhythm and it worked!

But after a few rings, he became dizzy and accidentally fell down the tower and died.

When the pastor arrived he found the body and called the police. The police arrived and began to question the pastor, asking, "Do you know who this man is?"

The pastor explained that the man was just recently hired for the job. The pastor added, "I don't know his name, but his face sure rings a bell!"

From Lorne Strang

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PURE CORN

Q. What is one of the first things that Adam and Eve did after they were kicked out?
A. They really raised Cain.

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Q. How long did Cain hate his Brother?
A. As long as he was Able!

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Q. What was the last thing Noah said before he entered the Ark?
A. So long Fellers!

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Q. Noah's ark pictures the spiritual paradise today; what does the dove he sent out picture?
A. The branch coordinators home.

 

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When I Was Young

A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in 9 holes before he had to head home.

Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone.

Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gent to join him.

To his surprise the old man played fairly quickly. He didn't hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn't waste much time.

Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball, directly between his ball and the green.

After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot the old man finally said, "You know, when I was young, I'd hit the ball right over that tree."

With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay.

The old man offered one more comment, "Of course, when I was young, that pine tree was only 3 feet tall."

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My wife is an angel. She is always up in the air harping on something.


Go ahead ... keep honking. I'm deaf. -- As seen on a bumper sticker

Ability is what will get you to the top if the boss has no daughter.

above one-liners from AdamsCathy@aol.com

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TRUE FACT ...

Humans begin laughing at two to three months of age. Six year olds laugh about 300 times per day, while adults laugh from 15 to 100 times per day.

SOURCE: NYT, Dr. William F. Fry, Stanford University

When all else fails, blame the computer!

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~ On Firm Ground ~

 

Before his novels The Firm, Pelican Brief, and The Client catapulted John Grisham to the status of "commercial supernova"--as Newsweek called him--he was an unknown, small-town lawyer. Today, with all the notoriety, Grisham makes a concerted effort to focus on things that have lasting meaning, including his faith in God. Grisham remembers, as a young law student, the remarkable advice of a friend:

One of my best friends in college died when he was 25, just a few years after we graduated from Mississippi State University. I was in law school, and he called me one day and wanted to get together. So we had lunch, and he told me he had cancer. I couldn't believe it.

"What do you do when you realize you are about to die?" I asked.

"It's real simple," he said. "You get things right with God, and you spend as much time with those you love as you can. Then you settle up with everybody else."

Finally he said, "You know, really, you ought to live every day like you have only a few more days to live."

I haven't forgotten those words.

Will Norton, Jr., in Christianity Today. Christian Reader, Vol. 32, no. 6.