ALL THE REST —  August 11
  

 

Today's Quotations –  GUILT:

 



Lobster: Everyone loves these delectable crustaceans, but many cooks are squeamish about placing them into boiling water alive, which is the only proper method of preparing them. Frankly, the easiest way to eliminate your guilt is to establish theirs by putting them on trial before they're cooked. The fact is, lobsters are among the most ferocious predators on the sea floor, and you're helping reduce crime in the reefs. Grasp the lobster behind the head, look it right in its unmistakably guilty eyestalks and say, "Where were you on the night of the 21st?", then flourish a picture of a scallop or a sole and shout, "Perhaps this will refresh that crude neural apparatus you call a memory!" The lobster will squirm noticeably. It may even take a swipe at you with one of its claws. Incorrigible. Pop it into the pot. Justice has been served, and shortly you and your friends will be, too.

~ Arthur C. Clarke ~

Zipper41E4.gif (403 bytes)

Get forgiveness now — tomorrow you may no longer feel guilty.

~ Anonymous ~

Zipper41E4.gif (403 bytes)

It is better that ten guilty escape than one innocent suffer.

~ William Blackstone ~

Zipper41E4.gif (403 bytes)

The more sinful and guilty a person tends to feel, the less chance there is that he will be a happy, healthy, or law-abiding citizen. He will become a compulsive wrong-doer.

~Dr. Albert Ellis ~

Zipper41E4.gif (403 bytes)

Action and care will in time wear down the strongest frame, but guilt and melancholy are poisons of quick dispatch.

~Thomas Paine ~

Zipper41E4.gif (403 bytes)

Thank God, guilt was never a rational thing.

~Edmund Burke ~

 

word puzzle
  Today's Word – PARAGON
   

 


paragon  

noun. 1. A model of excellence or perfection of a kind; a peerless example: a paragon of virtue. 2.a. An unflawed diamond weighing at least 100 carats. b. A very large spherical pearl. 3. Printing. A type size of 20 points. - transitive verb par·a·goned, par·a·gon·ing, par·a·gons. 1. To compare; parallel. 2. To equal; match.  


Malkovosky, the other paragon of religious virtue, was under the survillance of Avi Cohen.

The Butcher's Theater
Jonathan Kellerman


Definition from American Heritage Dictionary

 

Today's Fact

 

 

animal1.gif (28941 bytes)

For The Birds
Just a Great Big Gooney

Albatross, is a name applied to large seabirds of the albatross family. The albatross is a nomadic birds that spend months wandering great distances over the oceans. It sleeps while floating on the ocean surface. It drinks seawater, and feeds on small marine animals and cuttlefish. The albatross returns to land only to breed. During breeding time they perform a stylized courting ritual of elaborate bowing and posturing. Albatrosses nest on barren islands, close to shore. Generally the nest is a depression in the ground and contains a single egg.

Albatrosses generally have no fear of humans. The birds are nicknamed "gooneys" They often follow a ship for days, diving steeply into the water to recover refuse from the wake of the ship. The birds are easily caught with baited hook and line. The captured birds are generally released due to superstition. The superstition forms the theme of "The Rime of the Ancient Mariner" by the English poet Samuel Taylor Coleridge.

Albatross have a great hooked bill. The feet are strongly webbed and lack a hind claw. The wings are long and narrow. The wandering albatross, a huge bird with a 11 foot wingspread.
 

 
Let every created thing give praise to the Lord,
for he issued his command, and they came into being.

Psalm 148:5

 

clown
Today's SMILE

 

A cheerful heart is good medicine,
but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.
Proverbs 17:22 (NIV)

  
   

 

 

"What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity. These are but trifles, to be sure; but, scattered along life's pathway, the good they do is inconceivable."

Joseph Addison

 

A FEW SMILES   

 

smilePirate troubles

A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!"

"What do you mean?" the pirate replies, I'm fine.

The bartender says, "But what about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before."

"Well," says the pirate, "we were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I'm fine, really."

"Yeah," says the bartender, "but what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands."

"Well," says the pirate, "we were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really."

"Oh," says the bartender, "But what about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes."

"Well," says the pirate, "One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them crapped right in my eye."

"So?" replied the bartender, "what happened? You couldn't have lost an eye just from some bird crap!"

"Well," says the pirate, "I really wasn't used to the hook yet."  

smile

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It got so cold it froze up and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some manure on it. As it lay there in the pile of manure, it began to realize how warm it was. The manure was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the little bird singing, and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of manure, and promptly dug him out--and then ate him.

The morals of the story are:

  1. Not everyone who drops manure on you is your enemy.
  2. Not everyone who digs you out of a pile of manure is your friend.
  3. When you're in the manure, keep your mouth shut!   

Imagine if birds were tickled by feathers.

You Gotta Get up Early

Very early one morning two birds are sitting at the side of a large puddle of oil. They see a worm on the other side. So... the one flies over and the other one swims through - which one gets to the worm first?

The one who swam, of course, because "da oily boid gets da woim."

 

It takes all kinds of people to make a world, but did you ever think the percentages were wrong?

TRUE FACT ...

Humans begin laughing at two to three months of age. Six year olds laugh about 300 times per day, while adults laugh from 15 to 100 times per day.

SOURCE: NYT, Dr. William F. Fry, Stanford University

 


A bird in hand is safer than one overhead.

 


Daily Miscellany Comics

 

Have A Great Day !

 

Soul Food for August 11


History for August 11

 

Return to DM's HOME

Send Mail to pbower@neo.rr.com


Copyright Information: Phillip Bower is not the author of the humor, and does not claim to own any copyright privileges to the jokes. Sources of jokes are listed when known. Birthday's and Happenings for the date, and quotations are public knowledge and collected from numerous sources. Quotations are public knowledge and sources are listed when known. Weekendspirations are written by Tim Knappenberger who has copyright privileges. Cathy Vinson authors Whispers from the Wilderness and owns copyright privileges. Weekendspirations and Whispers from the Wilderness are used with permission by the respective authors. Other devotions are written by Phillip Bower unless otherwise stated. In all cases credit is given when known. The Daily Miscellany is nonprofit. Submissions by readers is welcome.