 The following list of
terms was sent to me by from AdamsCathy@aol.com Since I'm a redneck myself, I guess it's
alright to put them here for you to learn.
Redneck Computer Terms:
BACKUP - What you do when you run across a skunk in the woods
BAR CODE - Them's the fight'n rules down at the local tavern
BUG - The reason you give for calling in sick
BYTE - What your pit bull dun to cusin Jethro
CACHE - Needed when you run out of food stamps
CHIP - Pasture muffins that you try not to step in
TERMINAL - Time to call the undertaker
CRASH - When you go to Junior's party uninvited
DIGITAL - The art of counting on your fingers
DISKETTE - Female Disco dancer
FAX - What you lie about to the IRS
HACKER - Uncle Leroy after 32 years of smoking
HARDCOPY - Picture looked at when selecting tattoos
INTERNET - Where cafeteria workers put their hair
KEYBOARD - Where you hang the keys to the John Deere
MAC - Big Bubba's favorite fast food
MEGAHERTZ - How your head feels after 17 beers
MODEM - What ya did when the grass and weeds got too tall
MOUSE PAD - Where Mickey and Minnie live
NETWORK - Scoop'n up a big fish before it breaks the line
ONLINE - Where to stay when taking the sobriety test
ROM - Where the pope lives
SCREEN - Helps keep the skeeters off the porch
SERIAL PORT - A red wine you drink with breakfast
SUPERCONDUCTOR - Amtrak's Employee of the year
SCSI - What you call your week-old underwear
 If
I didn't get myself in trouble with the previous joke, I'm sure that I will with this one.
I must tell you that I am I redneck blonde. Well, I'm less blonde now that I was when I
was younger. I guess that my hair darkened some as I got older so that now, the gray can
be seen better.
A Blonde Finds Work...
Julie, the blonde, was getting pretty desperate for money. She decides to go to the nicer,
richer neighborhoods around town and look for odd jobs as a handy woman. The first house
she came to, a man answered the door and told Julie, "Yeah, I have a job for you. How
would you like to paint the porch?"
"Sure that sounds great!" said Julie.
"Well, how much do you want me to pay you?" asked the man.
"Is fifty bucks all right?" Julie asked.
"Yeah, great. You'll find the paint and ladders you'll need in the garage."
The man went back into his house to his wife who had been listening.
"Fifty bucks! Does she know the porch goes all the way around the house?" asked
the wife.
"Well, she must, she was standing right on it!" her husband replied.
About 45 minutes later, Julie knocked on the door. "I'm all finished," she told
the surprised homeowner. The man was amazed.
"You painted the whole porch?"
"Yeah," Julie replied, "I even had some paint left, so I put on two
coats!"
The man reached into his wallet to pay Julie.
"Oh, and by the way," said Julie, "That's not a Porch, it's a
Ferrari."
If the previous one gets by, then I'll try again. At least if I get
concerned email, I won't be able to read it until my computer is straightened up.
A blonde began a job as an elementary school counselor, and she was eager
to help. One day during recess she noticed a boy standing by himself on the side of a
playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other. Sandy
approached and asked if he was alright.
The boy said he was. A little while later, however, Sandy noticed the boy was in the same
spot, still by himself.
Approaching again, Sandy said, "Would you like me to be your friend?" The boy
hesitated, then said, "Okay", looking at the woman suspiciously. Feeling she was
making progress, Sandy then asked, "Why are you standing here alone?"
"Because," the little boy said with great exasperation, "I'm the
goalie."
We have had the coolest summer on record here in northeast Ohio this year. Canton,
where our family resides, had one day where the temperature briefly climbed to 87.
Most days we barely climber to 74. These following statements just weren't heard around
here this year — but maybe you've heard them.
"It's So Hot That......"
*The birds have to use pot holders to pull worms out of the ground.
*The potatoes cook underground, and all you have to do to have lunch is to pull one out
and add butter, salt and pepper.
*Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard boiled eggs.
"If we don't
succeed, we run the risk of failure."
--Al Gore
TRUE FACT ...
Humans begin laughing at two to three months of age. Six year
olds laugh about 300 times per day, while adults laugh from 15 to 100 times per day.
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