ALL THE REST —  August 23
  

Bugs — Not the Bunny
The Fly

The common Housefly (Musca domestica) is not so very common. It actually has some very special characteristics.The adult fly is about one-quarter inch long and about half an inch across the outspread wings. One-thousand adult flies will weigh less than an ounce. Each foot on its three pairs of legs is equipped with claws and two hairy pads called pulvilli. These pads secrete a sticky liquid that enables the fly to cling to almost any surface and run upside down along a ceiling. The taste-sensitive cells of the common house fly are located on its feet as well as on its mouthparts. The average range of a housefly is only 1/4 of a mile. Tracking the flight of flies, scientists have discovered that they rarely travel beyond a 10 mile radius of their birthplace.

A fly has five eyes. Two of these are huge compound structures that cover most of the head. Between these are three tiny simple eyes, set in a triangle. In spite of all the eyes, a fly has very poor vision. Generally a fly will use its very accute sense of smell to locate its food.

Houseflies are not equiped for biting. Their mouthparts are adapted for sucking up liquid food. Absorbed liquid food flows up through the trunklike proboscis with the action of a pumping organ in the head. The fly will turn solid soluble foods such as sugar into liquids by regurgitating saliva on them. Then suck up the food. (Remember this the next time you shoo a fly off of that piece of cake.)

Flies can multiply at an incredibly fast rate. The female lives about two and one-half months and lays between 600 and 1000 eggs during its lifetime. On the average, 12 generations of house flies are produced in one year. Between the months of April and August one female fly could have as many as 325,923,200,000,000 descendants. Although this does not happen, plenty of flies will be produced every summer if only one female in a hundred escapes death long enough to lay eggs. One sixth of a cubic foot of soil taken in India revealed 4,024 surviving flies.

Unfortunately, flies are also known to be carriers of serious diseases such as cholera, typhoid, and dysentery. Those same hairy sticky feet and tongue cause dust and debree to stick to them. Under a powerful microscope, samples of the dust and dirt clinging to these hairs reveal bacteria that cause a wide variety of diseases. Flies get the germs from garbage and sewage. If they touch food later, it too may become contaminated either from their feet or from the regurgitation of saliva. (There's that piece of cake again!)

Sources: Comptons Pictured Encyclopedia | When did Wild Poodles Roam the Earth
   
 

A cheerful heart is good medicine,
but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.
Proverbs 17:22 (NIV)

"What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity. These are but trifles, to be sure; but, scattered along life's pathway, the good they do is inconceivable."

Joseph Addison

 

JUMP

One night, a twin-engine puddle jumper was flying somewhere above New Jersey. There were five people on board: the pilot, Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, a Tibetan monk, and a hippie. Suddenly a fire broke out and the passenger cabin began to fill with smoke. The cockpit door opened, and the pilot burst into the compartment.

"Gentlemen," he said, "I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that we're about to crash in New Jersey. The good news is that there are four parachutes, and I have one of them!" With that, the pilot threw open the door and jumped from the plane.

Michael Jordan was on his feet in a flash. "Gentlemen," he said, "I am the world's greatest athlete. The world needs great athletes. I think the world's greatest athlete should have a parachute!" With these words, he grabbed one of the remaining parachutes, and hurtled through the door and into the night.

Bill Gates rose and said, "Gentlemen, I am the world's smartest man. The world needs smart men. I think the world's smartest man should have a parachute, too." He grabbed one, and out he jumped.

The old Tibetan monk and the hippie looked at one another. After a moment, the monk spoke. "My son," he said, "I have lived a long and satisfying life and have known the bliss of True Enlightenment. You have your whole life ahead of you. You take a parachute, and I will go down with the plane."

The hippie said, "Hey, don't sweat it, pop. The world's smartest man just jumped out wearing my backpack."

 

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A company president was given a ticket for a performance of Schubert's "Unfinished Symphony."  Since he was unable to go, he passed the invitation to one of his top management reviewers.  The next morning, the president asked the reviewer how he had enjoyed it, and he was handed a memorandum, which read as follows:

MEMORANDUM

1.  For a considerable period, the oboe players had nothing to do.
Their number should be reduced, and their work spread over the whole orchestra, thus avoiding peaks of inactivity.

2.  All twelve violins were playing identical notes.  This seems unnecessary duplication, and the staff in this section should be drastically cut.  If a large volume of sound is required, this could be obtained through use of an amplifier.

3.  Much effort was involved in playing the 16th notes.  This seems an
excessive refinement, and it is recommended that all notes should be
rounded up to the nearest 8th note.  If this were done, it would be possible to use paraprofessionals instead of experienced musicians.

4.  No useful purpose is served by repeating with horns the passage
that has already been handled by the strings.  If all such redundant
passages were eliminated, the concert could be reduced from two hours  to twenty minutes.

5.  This symphony has two movements.  If Schubert did not achieve his musical goals by the end of the first movement, then he should have stopped there.  The second movement is unnecessary and should be cut.

In light of the above, one can only conclude that had Schubert given
attention to these matters, his symphony would probably have been
finished by now.

From Kasha Linka

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Tell Me In Plain English

The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me."

"Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy."

"Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."

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Saint Peter is standing in front of the pearly gates with a line of people waiting to be accepted or denied into heaven.

"Okay, now you, what was your occupation?" Saint Peter asks the next man in line.

"Well, I was a salesperson." He responded.

"Hmmm, how interesting, you may enter." The man enters.

"Okay, what was your occupation?" Saint Peter asks the next man in line.

"Well, I was a church minister." He responded.

"Okay could you stand in that other waiting line there please."

The minister comlpies to Saint Peter's request hoping that this line wasn't the line to hell.

"How about you, what was your occupation?". He asked the next man in line.

"Well Mr. Peter, I was a taxi cab driver." He responded.

"Okay, you may enter." Saint Peter said.

"Wait a minute!" The minister screams after hearing that; "I was a minister teaching religion and HE WAS A TAXI CAB DRIVER! Why do I have to wait here and he can go in?!?"

"Ahh my child, that is simple." Saint Peter explains his choice. "While you were preaching to your congregation, people slept. When he was driving, people were praying."

From the rec.humor.funny joke archives. pcr@hypercity.westonia.com

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TRUE FACT ...

Humans begin laughing at two to three months of age. Six year olds laugh about 300 times per day, while adults laugh from 15 to 100 times per day.

SOURCE: NYT, Dr. William F. Fry, Stanford University

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

Daily Miscellany Comics

Have A Great Day !

Phillip Bower

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