 A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses.
She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.
The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"
"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
Things our Mother
taught Us
LOGIC: "If your fall off that swing and break your neck,
You can't go to the store with me."
MEDICINE: "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they're going to freeze
that way."
TO THINK AHEAD: "If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good
job."
ESP: "Put your sweater on; don't you think that I know when you're
cold?"
TO MEET A CHALLENGE: "What were you thinking? Answer me when
I talk to you...Don't talk back to me!"
HUMOR: "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't you come running
to me."
GENETICS: "You're just like your father!"
OUR ROOTS: "Do you think you were born in a barn?"
ANTICIPATION: "Just wait until your father gets home."
JUSTICE: "One day you will have kids, and I hope they turn out just like
you!"
I Think he likes it!
Having arrived at the edge of the river, the fisherman soon realized he had forgotten to
bring any bait. Just then he happened to see a little snake passing by who had caught a
worm. The fisherman snatched up the snake and robbed him of his worm. Feeling sorry
for the little snake with no lunch, he snatched him up again and poured a little beer down
his throat. Then he went about his fishing.
An hour or so later the fisherman felt a tug at his pant leg. Looking down, he saw the
same snake with three more worms in his mouth...
A day
without sunshine is like night. |
My Spell
Checker
I have a spilling checker,
It came with my PC;
It plainly marks four my revue
Mistakes I cannot sea.
I've run this poem threw it,
I'm sure your please too no,
Its letter perfect in it's weigh,
My checker tolled me sew.
A New Driver
Martin had just received his brand new drivers license. The family
troops out to the driveway, and climbs in the car, where he is going
to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately heads
for the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver.
"I'll bet you're back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of
sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive," says the beaming boy
to his dad.
"Nope," comes dad's reply, "I'm gonna sit here and kick the back of yorr
seat as you drive, just like you've been doing to me all these years."
Bats in the attic
Three Pastors in the south were having lunch
in a diner.
One said "Ya know, since summer started I've been having trouble with bats in my loft
and attic at church. I've tried everything--noise, spray, cats--nothing seems to
scare them away.
Another said "Yea, me too. I've got hundreds living in my belfry and in the
narthex attic. I've even had the place fumigated, and they won't go
away."
The third said, "I baptized all mine, and made them members of the church...
Haven't seen one back since" !!!
A Sure Fix -
There are three engineers in a car: an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer, and a
Microsoft engineer. Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and the three
engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong.
The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to
trace where a fault might have occurred. The chemical engineer, not knowing much about
cars, suggests that maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere.
Then, the Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything comes up with a suggestion,
"Why don't we close all the windows, get out, get back in open the windows again, and
maybe it'll work !?"
TRUE FACT ...
Humans begin laughing at two to three months of age. Six year
olds laugh about 300 times per day, while adults laugh from 15 to 100 times per day.
|
The rate of blinking of the eyes varies, but
on the average the eye blinks once every five seconds. At that rate the eye blinks 17,000
times each day. That means that the eyes blink an amazing 6 1/4 million times each year.
