Died in Service
Recently a couple of boys found a plaque at our church that honored members of the
church that had died during World War II. The boys didn't understand the meaning of
the plaque. Just then the Reverend Bob passed by and one of the boys asked him about
the plaque. He got a very solemn look on his face and replied the plaque was there
to honor former church members who had died in the service. The boys stepped back
with horrified looks on their faces and shyly asked, "Early or late service."
from:Kasha Linka KashaL@concentric.net
Thoughts About Cats - Author Unknown
9 out of 10 cats prefer Microsoft mice
A cat is a terrible thing to waste . . . Drive safely.
A cat is just a bundle of purr.
A cat still needs someone to be independent "of."
A cat stretches from one end of my childhood to the other.
A cat will assume the shape of its container.
Anything not nailed down is a cat toy.
Anything on the ground is a cat toy.
Anything not yet on the ground will be.
Call my cat?! [hehehe] No, I just run the can opener ...
Can you imagine conning eight cats into pulling a sled?
Cat Bathing Is A Martial Art.
Climb your way to the top -- that's why the drapes are there.
CAT: I hope that Schrodinger guy put litter in here...
Catalyst (n): an alphabetical listing of Italian cats
CATFOOD??!!?? You woke me up for a lousy can of CATFOOD??!!??
A Book on Cats - by Ann Gora
I'm busier than a one eyed cat watching two mouse holes.
If you butter a cat's back, what side would it land on?
If you want the best seat in the house, move the cat.
Is yours a real cat, or does it come when you call it?
It is in his own interest that a cat purrs.
It's the cat's house. We just pay the mortgage.
One day many years ago, a fisherman's wife blessed her husband with
twin sons. They loved the children very much, but couldn't think of what to name
them. Finally, after several days, the fisherman said, "Let's not decide on
names right now. If we wait a little while, the names will simply occur to us."
After several weeks had passed, the fisherman and his wife noticed a peculiar fact.
When left alone, one of the boys would always turn towards the sea, while the
other boy would face away from the sea. It didn't matter which way the parents
positioned the children, the same child always faced the same direction. "Let's
call the boys Towards and Away," suggested the fisherman. His wife agreed, and
from that point on, the boys were simply known as Towards and Away.
The years passed and the lads grew tall and strong. The day came when the aging
fisherman said to his sons, "Boys, it is time you learned how to make a living from
the sea." They provisioned their ship, said their good-byes, and set sail for a
three month voyage.
The three months passed quickly for the fisherman's wife, yet the ship had not returned.
Another three months passed, and still no ship.
Three whole years passed before the grieving woman saw a lone man walking towards her
house. She recognized him as her husband. "My goodness! What has
happened to you?!" she cried. "And what has happened to my darling
boys?"
The ragged fisherman began to tell his story:
"We were just barely one whole day out to sea when Towards hooked into a great fish.
Towards fought long and hard, but the fish was more than his equal. For
a whole week they wrestled upon the waves without either of them letting up. Yet
eventually the great fish started to win the battle, and Towards was pulled over the side
of our ship. He was swallowed whole, and we never saw either of them again."
"Oh dear, that must have been terrible! What a huge fish that must have been!
What a horrible fish. What a foul fish."
"Yes, it was. But you should have seen the one that got Away...."
from:Kasha Linka KashaL@concentric.net
My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
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A Newfie carpenter is building a house, so he asks his cousin for
some help. The carpenter is whatching his cousin put up siding and notices that he keeps
throwing nails away. The cousin will pound two nails then throw away a few, pound a couple
more then throw away a few more.
He says "Hey cousin why are ya throwin my nails away?"
"Cause they're pointing the wrong way."
"No cousin, those are for the other side of the house."
Funny Pages Mailing List" funny-pages@plato.ens.gu.edu.au
Mommy, what kind of shirt I will wear today? Will it be one with short sleeves or long
ones?
Can you tell me the reason why this is so important?
I just want to know how high I have to wash up my arms.
One tall well-built guy comes to be interviewd for a lumberjack job.
He carries a small (10 in. long x 4 in. high x 3 in. wide) attache case with him.
- 'What method do you use to cut down trees' asked the foreman. 'What tools do you
prefer?'
The lumberjack opens up his small attache case, showing a small, shiny 1.5 cc chainsaw.
- 'I never worked with anything else. It sure cuts down any tree I have ever seen!'
replies the lumberjack.
- 'And, can you tell me about your last job' continues the surprised foreman. 'Where did
you worked last?'
- 'Oh! I worked in the Sahara forest' replied the lumberjack.
- 'The Sahara forest?' exclaimed the foreman. 'That's impossible! The Sahara is a desert!'
- 'Well', said the lumberjack. 'It WAS a forest 'till I began to work there..!'
TRUE FACT ...
Humans begin laughing at two to three months of age. Six year
olds laugh about 300 times per day, while adults laugh from 15 to 100 times per day.
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Babies are born with about 300 to 350 bones.
Many of these bones fuse together between birth and maturity to produce an average adult
total of 206 bones. The number of bones differ due to the method used to count them. Some
systems treat as multiple bones a structure that other systems treat as a single bone with
multiple parts. 
