 A little boy went into a drug
store, reached for a soda carton and pulled it over the the telephone. He climbed
onto the carton so that he could reach the buttons on the phone, and proceeded to punch in
seven digits. I listened to the following conversation.
He said, "Lady, I want to cut your lawn."
The woman replied, "I already have someone to cut my lawn."
"Lady, I'll cut your lawn for half the price of the person who cuts your lawn
now."
The woman responsded that she was very satisfied with the person who was presently cutting
her lawn.
The little boy found yet more perseverance and offered, "Lady, I'll even sweep your
curb and your sidewalk, so on Sunday you will have the prettiest lawn in all of North Palm
Beach, Florida."
Again, the woman answered in the negative.
With a smile on his face, the little boy replaced the receiver. The druggist walked
over to the boy and said, "Son, I would like to offer you a job."
The little boy replied, "No thanks. I was just checking on the job I already
have."
From: Funny Pages Mailing List drinkeii@moose.erie.net
One night in a sleepy town the chemical plant explodes into flames. The alarm goes
out and departments from miles around race to the scene.
After fighting the fire for over an hour the chemical company president approaches the
fire chief, "All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the centre of the plant.
They must be saved! I will give $50,000 to the engine company that brings them out
safely!"
With this the firemen attack with a renewed gusto. Two hours later they still have not
gained any ground. With this the company president offers $100,000 to the engine company
that brings out the company's secret files.
In the distance a long siren is heard and soon another fire truck comes into sight. The
fire chief realizes that is that little rinky-dink volunteer fire company composed
entirely of men over 65. Much to his amazement the fire engine races through the chemical
plant gates and drives right into the middle of the inferno. He can see these old timers
hopping off their rig fighting the fire with an effort that he has never seen before. Less
than an hour later the fire is out and the secret formulas have been saved by this group
of volunteers! The chemical company president is so ecstatic he doubles the reward to
$200,000!
After thanking the volunteers the chemical company president can't help but ask what they
will do with the reward money.
The engineer (driver) looks him right in the eye... "First thing we do is fix the
brakes on that truck!"
From: Funny Pages Mailing List drinkeii@moose.erie.net
God is Left Handed
Little Bobby was spending the weekend with his grandmother after a particularly trying
week in kindergarten. His grandmother decided to take him to the park on Saturday morning.
It had been snowing all night and everything was beautiful.
His grandmother remarked..."doesn't it look like an artist painted this scenery? Did
you know God painted this just for you?"
Bobby said, "Yes, God did it and he did it left handed."
This confused his grandmother a bit, and she asked him "What makes you say God did
this with his left hand?"
"Well," said Bobby, "we learned at Sunday School last week that Jesus sits
on God's right hand!"
I just got lost in thought.
It was unfamiliar territory... |
The Wonders of Modern Science
There's two men working together at the sawmill when one of them accidentally saws his arm
off. Quickly thinking his friend takes the arm,puts it in a plastic bag and rushes them to
hospital. The following day he visits the hospital to find his friend playing tennis.
"Wow the wonders of modern science".
So anyway they get back to work and are chatting away when a lapse in concentration
results in the same careless guy sawing his leg off. Knowing the drill his friend takes
the leg, puts it in a plastic bag and off they all go to hospital. The next visiting time
he finds his friend playing football.
"Wow the wonders of modern science".
A week later, back at work when the guy leans forward just a little too far and saws his
head off. Straight away his friend takes the head, puts it in a plastic bag and rushes
them all off to hospital. The next day the friend visits to find no sign of his chum.
"Where's my friend" asks the guy of the orderly.
"Well", said the orderly, "we could have saved him but some idiot put his
head in a plastic bag and he suffocated."
Complete Makeover
A woman named Shirley was from Beverly Hills. One day, she had a heart attack and was
taken to Cedars Sinai hospital. While on the operating
table, she had a near-death experience. She saw God and asked, "Is this it?" God
said, "No, you have another 30 to 40 years to live."
Upon her recovery, she decided to stay in the hospital and have collagen shots, cheek
implants, a face lift, liposuction and breast augmentation.
She even had someone dye her hair. She figured since she had another 30 to 40 years, she
might as well make the most of it.
She walked out of Cedars Sinai lobby after the last operation and was killed by an
ambulance speeding up to the hospital. She arrived in front
of God and said, "I thought you said I had another 30 to 40 years?" God replied,
"Shirley! I didn't recognize you!"
TRUE FACT ...
Humans begin laughing at two to three months of age. Six year
olds laugh about 300 times per day, while adults laugh from 15 to 100 times per day.
|
A group of American investigators perfected
the technique of heart transplantation in the late 1950s. They showed that a transplanted
dog's heart could provide the animal with a normal circulation until the heart was
rejected. The cells that produce immune reactions, the lymphocytes, migrate into the
muscle cells of the heart, damage it, and also block the coronary arteries, depriving the
heart of its own circulation. Based on this experimental work, the next logical step was
to transplant a human heart into a patient dying of incurable heart disease. This step was
taken in 1967 by a surgical team in Cape Town, South Africa. 
