 A fellow
received a mouse for his birthday and he loved it so much that he never parted with it. He
took this mouse everywhere, to work, to parties, to the opera... One day, a good friend of
his died and so he went to pay his respects at the funeral parlor. Naturally, he took the
mouse, which was perched on his shoulder.
On his way home, he suddenly realized that the mouse was gone! He retraced all his moves
for the day and realised that the last place he had seen the mouse was at the funeral
parlor. He raced back across town, but arrived too late. The body had been removed and was
already being transported to the cemetary in the hearse. The mouse must have jumped off
his shoulder onto the casket and gotten carried into the hearse along with the casket.
Probably frightened, the mouse must have sought shelter in the closed casket! It was too
late...the mouse was being buried alive.
Filled with grief as he remembered an old adage his mother had told him time and time
again as a kid......
Never lock a gift mouse in the hearse
Two eskimos were paddling in their kayak
along the Alaskan coastline. They were out there for a long time and they started to get
cold. During one of their breaks they lit a fire to warm up, but tragically their kayak
caught fire and they drowned.
Moral of the story: you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
A certain artificial
sweetner company wanted to spruce up their image with a big new ad campaign. The marketing
department quickly divided into two sqabbling factions. One group wanted to do a "Big
Band Nostalgia" theme, sponsoring some jazzy, happ'nin' musical events, while the
other group was dead set on a tribute to the classic, "Ben-Hur", complete with a
real-live re-enactment of the classic chariot race. As the deadline approached, no one
would budge, so finally the two sides were forced to compromise.
When the big boss came to see the finished product, he was presented with a snappy jazzy
orchestra seated in a giant Roman vehicle.
"WHAT IS THAT!?!?" he cried.
"Well sir," replied his VP of marketing," THAT is the SWEET & LOW SWING
CHARIOT!"
One foot
was looking for another foot to marry because it wanted a sole-mate. |
THE LAWS OF LIFE:
The Law of Volunteering:
If you dance with a grizzly bear, you had better let him lead.
The Law of Avoiding
Oversell:
When putting cheese in a mousetrap, always leave room for the mouse.
The Law of Location:
You always find what you're looking for in the last place you look.
Osborne's Law:
Variables won't; constants aren't.
A fellow stopped at a rural gas
station and, after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink. He stood by
his car to drink his cola and he watched a couple of men working along the roadside. One
man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on. The other man came along
behind and filled in the hole. While one was digging a new hole, the other was about 25
feet behind filling in the old. The men worked right past the fellow with the soft drink
and went on down the road. "I can't stand this," said the man tossing the can in
a trash container and heading down the road toward the men.
"Hold it, hold it,"
he said to the men. "Can you tell me what's going on here with this digging?"
"Well, we work for the
county, " one of the men said.
"But one of you is
digging a hold and the other fills it up. You're not accomplishing anything. Aren't you
wasting the county's money?"
"You don't understand,
mister," one of the men said, leaning on his shovel and wiping his brow.
"Normally there's three of us--me, Rodney and Mike. I dig the hole, Rodney sticks in
the tree and Mike here puts the dirt back.
Now just because Rodney's
sick, that don't mean that Mike and me can't work."
A man stayed in his house as a flood engulfed his town. Two men in a rowboat came to
his house and offered to take him to safety. "No thank you", the man said,
"God will help me".
As the waters rose, the man retreated to the second story of his house. Now, two men in a
motorboat came by and offered to rescue him.
Again, the man declined, saying, "No thank you, God will help me." As the waters
rose still higher, the man retreated again to the rooftop of his house. A helicopter came
by, and someone inside it threw down a rope, urging the man to grab it and be pulled up
into the helicopter. Once more, the man declined and said, "No thank you, God will
help me."
Whereupon a mighty voice called out to the man, "You idiot! I sent you a rowboat, a
motorboat, and now a helicopter. What
more do you want me to do?"
A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and
all of a sudden he hears some music. No one is around, so he starts searching for the
source. He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone
that reads:
Ludwig Van Beethoven
-----1770-1827-----
Then he realizes that the music is the Ninth
Symphony and it is being played backward! Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a
friend to return with him.
By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music
has changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the previous piece, it is
being played backward. Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar. When they return
with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again backward. The expert notices that
the symphonies are being played in the reverse order in which they were composed, the 9th,
then the 7th, then the 5th.
By the next day the word has spread and a throng has
gathered around the grave. They are all listening to the Second Symphony being played
backward. Just then the graveyard's caretaker ambles up to the group.
Someone in the crowd asks him if he has an
explanation for the music.
"Don't you get it?" the caretaker says
incredulously. "He's decomposing!"
TRUE FACT ...
Humans begin laughing at two to three months of age. Six year
olds laugh about 300 times per day, while adults laugh from 15 to 100 times per day.
|
It happened last night at work. I was
putting the new lab work on the charts. It happened so fast. OUCH! A paper cut on the back
of my thumb. Sometimes I think I would rather get hit by a truck than suffer a paper cut.
Why does it seem to hurt so much.
