ALL THE REST —  October 12
  

Necessity may later dictate style.

Earring

Today, finding a man wearing an earring is not unusual. It is a matter of style. Why did pirates wear earrings? It certainly dies not appear that they were interested in style. It appears as though they were worn for health and well-being. There are pressure points just above the earlobe. These pressure points, according to acupuncturists, help to improve eyesight, reduce appetite, and boost energy levels. These qualities were important to a pirate on the high seas. Many of these earrings also had waxy lumps dangling from the bottom of the earrings. These were also helpful to the pirate. During exchanges of noisy cannon fire, the wax was used to plug the ears of the pirate.

 Source: The Unbelievable Truth – Jeff Rovin

A cheerful heart is good medicine,
but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.
Proverbs 17:22 (NIV)

"What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity. These are but trifles, to be sure; but, scattered along life's pathway, the good they do is inconceivable."

Joseph Addison

 

OCCUPATIONAL HYMNS

Astronaut - "Nearer My God, to Thee"
Baker - "I Need Thee Every Hour"
Baseball batter - "Seek Thee First"
Builder - "How Firm a Foundation"
Canoeist - "Flow River, Flow"
Dentist - "Crown Him with Many Crowns"
Electrician - "O Joyful Light"
Fisherman - "Shall We Gather at the River?"
Gossip - "It Is No Secret"
IRS - "All to Thee" (I Owe)
Jogger - "The Path of Life"
Lifeguard - "Come to the Water"
Sailboater - "Deep River"
Stonecutter - "Rock of Ages"
Watchman - "Silent Night"
Weatherman - "There Shall Be Showers of Blessings"

(from Nov/Dec "Reminisce" magazine)

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MOM'S 25 SURVIVAL TIPS

1. Don't try to live with anyone who insists on alphabetizing your spice rack.

2. When someone tells you that what he's about to say is "for your own good," expect the worst.

3. Do not make an obscene gesture at anyone driving a pickup truck with a gun rack.

4. If you are lavishly praised, enjoy the taste but don't swallow it whole.

5. When a politician says, "Let me make something perfectly clear..." remember that he usually won't.

6. After a certain age, if you say something outrageous, everyone will think it's cute.   Take advantage of this.

7. Don't sweat your every mistake or faux pas.  They make up for all of the things you got away with that nobody knows about.

8. Don't wait for the funeral to say something kind or nice about someone.

9. Your children may leave home, but their stuff will be in your attic and basement forever.

10. If you wouldn't want to see it in a newspaper or on the evening news, don't do it.

11. If someone says, "I know what I mean, but I just can't put it into words," he doesn't know what he means.

12. Don't let a child with the stomach flu sleep on the top bunk.

13. If a man has to hire a public relations firm to shape his image, he doesn't know who he is, and more important, he doesn't want you to find out.

14. The only receipt you don't save is the only one you'll need later.

15. If you humiliate yourself, be consoled with the thought that you probably made someone else's day...maybe even their week.  Think of your humiliation as an act of charity.

16. Avoid marrying anyone who deliberately flushes the toilet when you're taking a shower.

17. The value of a cat is its utter indifference to its owner's importance.

18. Never purchase a tool to clean behind radiators, because you won't have an excuse not to clean there.

19. Don't waste time trying to be your own best friend; you can't pat yourself on the back, and it's unsatisfying to cry on your own shoulder.  Find a real friend instead.

20. Think like a good actor:  Observe, observe, observe.

21. It's a proven fact that zipping up a small child's snowsuit will cause her to wet her pants.  There is no known cure for this.

22. The value of a dog is its constant reminder of how much fun it is to be idiotic.

23. Two people cannot successfully operate a TV remote control in the same room at the same time.

24. If you want to hid candy bars so you can eat them after the kids are in bed, put the candy in the freezer in a paper bag labeled "Fish."

25. And know when to leave the stage, Like right now.

Just 4 Laughs!

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WARNING?

As he was driving home from work, a man in a rural community was stopped by a local police officer. The motorist, informed that he had failed to come to a full stop at a stop sign, was handed a ticket.

"Don't I get a warning?" he protested.

The officer replied, "Sure. Here's your warning: 'If you don't come to a complete stop next time, I'll give you another ticket.' "  

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POISONOUS

Two snakes were out taking a stroll when one turns to the other and asks, "Are we poisonous?"

"Why yes we are," says the second.

Again the first snake asks, "Are you sure we're poisonous?"

"Yes, we are very poisonous."

Again the snake asked, "Are we really really poisonous?"

"Yes, we are really really poisonous. In fact we're the most poisonous snakes in the world. Why do you ask?"

"I just bit my lip!"

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"You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background," sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand.

"If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment," replied the witness.

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TRUE FACT ...

Humans begin laughing at two to three months of age. Six year olds laugh about 300 times per day, while adults laugh from 15 to 100 times per day.

SOURCE: NYT, Dr. William F. Fry, Stanford University

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