ALL THE REST —  October 17
  

 

Today's Quotations –  JOY:

 


The rule of joy and the law of duty seem to me all one.

— Algernon Charles Swinburne



Work is love made visible. And if you cannot work with love but only with distaste, it is better that you should leave your work and sit at the gate of the temple and take alms of those who work with joy.

— Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet [1923]



The joy of life is variety; the tenderest love requires to be rekindled by intervals of absence.

— Samuel Johnson, The Idler



Man was made for joy and woe,
And when this we rightly know
Through the world we safely go.

— William Blake, Poems from the Pickering Manuscript



How good is man's life, the mere living! how fit to employ All the heart and the soul and the senses forever in joy! 

— Robert Browning, Saul



Joy! that in our embers
Is something that doth live,
That nature yet remembers
What was so fugitive! 

— William Wordsworth, Ode. Intimations of Immortality from Recollections of Early Childhood



Now 'tis little joy To know
I'm farther off from heaven
Than when I was a boy.

— Thomas Hood, I Remember, I Remember

 

word puzzle
  Today's Word – ANATHEMA
   

 


a·nath·e·ma noun, pl. a·nath·e·mas. 1. A formal ecclesiastical ban, curse, or excommunication. 2. A vehement denunciation; a curse. 3. One that is cursed or damned. 4. One that is greatly reviled, loathed, or shunned.


Do you really think, Miss Hepzibah, that any lady of your family has ever done a more heroic thing, since this house was built, than you are performing in it to-day? Never; and if the Pyncheons had always acted so nobly, I doubt whether an old wizard Maule's anathema, of which you told me once, would have had much weight with Providence against them."

The House of the Seven Gables
By Nathaniel Hawthorne

Definition from American Heritage Dictionary

 

 

Today's Fact

 


FACT

Your Vote Counts?
The good old days are gone forever.

In the Middle Ages, there was an unusual method used to elect the mayor of Hurdenburg, Sweden. The candidates would sit at one table resting their beards on the surface of the table. A louse would then be placed in the center of the table. The owner of the beard the louse chose to inhabit would be the next mayor of Hurdenburg.

The Mammoth Book of Oddities - Frank O’Nei


 
"O LORD, how manifold are thy works! in wisdom hast thou made them all: the earth is full of thy riches. "

(Psalms 104:24)

 

clown
Today's SMILE

 

A cheerful heart is good medicine,
but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.
Proverbs 17:22 (NIV)

  
   

 

 

"What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity. These are but trifles, to be sure; but, scattered along life's pathway, the good they do is inconceivable."

Joseph Addison

 

A FEW SMILES   

 

The Year's Best Actual News Headlines

1. Include Your Children when Baking Cookies
2. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
3. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
4. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
5. Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
6. Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
7. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
8. Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
9. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
10. British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
11. Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
12. Eye Drops Off Shelf
13. Teachers Strike Idle Kids
14. Clinton Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
15. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer With Ax
16. Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
17. Miners Refuse to Work after Death
18. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
19. Stolen Painting Found by Tree
20. Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years in Checkout Counter
21. Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Times in 10 Years
22. Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One
23. War Dims Hope for Peace
24. If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
25. Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
26. Deer Kill 17,000
27. Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
28. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
29. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
30. Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
31. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
32. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
33. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
34. Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
35. Arson Suspect Held in Massachusetts Fire
36. Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
37. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
38. New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
39. Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors.

CARDBOARD FABRICATIONS Ltd

Dear Sirs, 

We are sure that you have come across our extremely successful products already. Among our lines are cardboard police cars to discourage speeding and cardboard policemen to deter shoplifters, as well as other standard lines.

Following on the success of these, we are pleased to announce that we can now supply cardboard clergy.

The cardboard priest is invaluable to hard-pressed clergy who need a holiday. It is life-sized and comes in progressive, middle-of-the-road and Tridentine models. It is especially effective when stood behind the lectern. Field trials have shown that when a cardboard priest was so installed, 40% of the congregation later questioned had noticed no difference and 25% claimed that there had a been a considerable improvement.

Soon we hope to have available a cardboard Bishop which can be placed in the diocese while the real Bishop is away in Rome. Trial models
have been installed for some time in the Bishops' Conference without being detected. One is even credited with making a brief but excellent speech on a relevant topic.

Our cardboard congregation is already on the market, and selling well. Its response to homilies is indistinguishable from the real thing, and it has the positive advantage that, when volunteers are called for, nobody makes a dash for the door. In some churches, there has even been a marked improvement in the singing. We commend our quality products for your serious consideration.

Yours Faithfully, C. Board Managing Director

From Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh List



Cat Sale

A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store and he
does a double take.

He knows that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars.

The store owner replies "I'm sorry, but the cat isn't for sale.

The collector says "Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I'll pay you twenty dollars for that cat."

And the owner says "Sold," and hands over the cat.

The collector continues, "Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat's used to it and it'll save me from having to get a dish."

And the owner says, "Sorry buddy, but that's my lucky saucer. So far this week I've sold sixty-eight cats."

Medical Humor

One summer in a rural church, the pews were packed. As the minister began his sermon, the air conditioner quit. The room became hotter and hotter. Suddenly, lightning flashed and there next to the pulpit, stood Satan! Yes, there he was, horns, tail, hooves and the scent of brimstone. The minister and parishioners screamed and took to their heels. Satan laughed and cackled as he watched them tumble over each other in their efforts to get away as fast as they could. When the pandemonium ceased, Satan saw, to his surprise, that there remained one lone man, sitting in one of the back pews. Satan glared down at him, "Do you know who I am?" Satan shouted.

"Oh yes," said the man.

"Do you realize that I am the embodiment of evil, the destroyer of all that is good, the author of pestilence the source of all chaos? Satan thundered, "I am the pinnacle of all the demons and trolls of hell !!!" "I know," said the man.

"Then why are you still sitting here?? Satan demanded.

"I have been appealing my HMO's denial of services for my wife's surgery. I figured that it would get to your review level sooner or later."

 

CURED AT LAST

Two psychiatrists were at a convention. As they conversed over a drink, one asked, "What was your most difficult case?"

The other replied, "I had a patient who lived in a pure fantasy world. He believed that an uncle in South America was going to die and leave him a fortune. All day long he waited for a letter to arrive from an attorney. He never went out, he never did anything, he merely sat around and waited for this fantasy letter from this fantasy uncle. I worked with this man for eight years."

"What was the result?"

"It was an eight-year struggle. Every day for eight years, but I finally cured him. And then that stupid letter arrived!"
Clinton: "I will say this only one time: I did not change the light bulb."

TRUE FACT ...

Humans begin laughing at two to three months of age. Six year olds laugh about 300 times per day, while adults laugh from 15 to 100 times per day.

SOURCE: NYT, Dr. William F. Fry, Stanford University

 


How come you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead?

 


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Have A Great Day !

 

 


Soul Food October 17


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Copyright Information: Phillip Bower is not the author of the humor, and does not claim to own any copyright privileges to the jokes. Sources of jokes are listed when known. Birthday's and Happenings for the date, and quotations are public knowledge and collected from numerous sources. Quotations are public knowledge and sources are listed when known. Weekendspirations are written by Tim Knappenberger who has copyright privileges. Cathy Vinson authors Whispers from the Wilderness and owns copyright privileges. Weekendspirations and Whispers from the Wilderness are used with permission by the respective authors. Other devotions are written by Phillip Bower unless otherwise stated. In all cases credit is given when known. The Daily Miscellany is nonprofit. Submissions by readers is welcome.