ALL THE REST —  October 25
  

 

Today's Quotations –  AGE:

 


To know how to grow old is the masterwork of wisdom, and one of the most difficult chapters in the great art of living.

Henri Frederic Amiel



At times it seems that I am living my life backward, and that at the approach of old age my real youth will begin. My soul was born covered with wrinkles–wrinkles that my ancestors and parents most assiduously put there and that I had the greatest trouble removing, in some casess.

Andre Gide, Pretexts



Age is not all decay; it is the ripening, the swelling of fresh life within, that withers and bursts the husk.

George MacDonald,The Marquess of Lossie, 1877 Colton



Long life is the right mode for some people and not for others--just as some people write books in ten volumes and others epigrams in two lines--and the two; works may be of exactly equal value.

Frederick Goodyear, Letters and Remains



To say that a man is thirty, fifty, or seventy tells you very little more about him than if you were only told his name. The name, however, might convey nothing to you, whereas the age would induce you from force of habit to make an estimate of him which might prove entirely false.

Arthur Ponosonby, Casual Observations 1753


 

word puzzle
  Today's Word – PROPITIOUS
   

 


pro·pi·tious adjective 1. Presenting favorable circumstances; auspicious. See Synonym  favorable. 2. Kindly; gracious. [Middle English propicius, from Old French propicieux, from Latin propitius.]

I am sorry to say that only the third day after the propitious events at Houndsley Fred Vincy had fallen into worse spirits than he had known in his life before.

Middlemarch.
By George Eliot 


Definition from American Heritage Dictionary

 

 

Today's Fact

 


FACT

Puffer Poison


Puffer fishes in the family Tetrodonidae are considered a delicacy in Japan and southeast Asia, although the viscera of these fish, known as "fugu," contain tetrodoxin, an extremely potent poison. Japanese cooks are specially trained and licensed to prepare this fish; nevertheless, there are more than 150 fatalities each year due to puffer fish poisoning.

SOURCE: Grolliers



 
And God said, "Let the waters swarm with fish and other life. Let the skies be filled with birds of every kind."

Genesis 1:20

 

clown
Today's SMILE

 

A cheerful heart is good medicine,
but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.
Proverbs 17:22 (NIV)

 
   

 

 

"What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity. These are but trifles, to be sure; but, scattered along life's pathway, the good they do is inconceivable."

Joseph Addison

 

A FEW SMILES   


 

COLLECTION OF SOME LEGISLATIVE OOPS OF THE TONGUE
By: Jack Wardlaw, The Little Man

Drum roll, please!

It's time for the Tongue-Slipper Awards, for the best quips, busted metaphors, unintentional misstatements, dangling modifiers and Freudian slips of the completed Louisiana Legislative session. Such as when Rep. Avery Alexander, D-New Orleans, told the House: "I don't know anyone here that's been killed with a handgun." For starters, here are the winners in the "Truth in Legislative" category:

"I can't believe that we are going to let a majority of the people decide what is best for this state." --Rep. John Travis, D-Jackson.

"This amendment does more damage than it does harm." --Rep. Cynthia Willard-Lewis, D-New Orleans.

"I think we have passed something that we didn't want to do." --Rep. Chuck McMains, R-Baton Rouge.

"Y'all are hurting my tender ears. I would appreciate it if y'all would scream one at a time."
-- House Speaker John Alario, D-Westwego.

Rep. Wilfred Pierre, D-Lafayette: "The Knights of Peter Claver is a large Catholic organization."

Rep. Juba Diez, D-Gonzales: "I'm a large Catholic, and I don't belong to it."

"I was 15 years old before I ate my first chicken without tire tracks." --Rep. Jay McCallum, D-Farmerville.

The Legislative Staff Award goes to the female staffer who was told that the gill net bill was coming up the next day and responded that she had to go home and coordinate the next day's outfit with her fishnet stockings.

And there's the Senate staffer who asked Sen. Donald Hines, D-Bunkie (a medical doctor), whether he preferred being addressed as "doctor" or "senator." He responded: "I guess it depends on what kind of a problem you want me to solve."

And finally, the Metaphor of the Year award goes to Sen. B.B. "Sixty" Rayburn, D-Bogalusa, who - while describing how it is to run a gauntlet of lobbyists to get to the Senate chamber - said: "They're lined up like cooters on a log on a sunshiny day."

Submitted from: HUMOR NET


"ECLIPSE OF THE SUN"
(Operation of the Chain of Command)


The Colonel to the Executive:
At nine o'clock tomorrow there, will be an eclipse of the sun, something which does not occur every day. Get the men to fall out in the company street in their fatigues so that they will be able to see this rare phenomenon. Should it rain we will not be
able to see anything, so take the men to the gym.

The Executive to the Captain:
By order of the Colonel, tomorrow at nine o'clock, there will be an eclipse of the Sun; if it rains, you will not be able to see it from the company street, so then, take the men in fatigues to the gym. The eclipse of the Sun will take place in the gym,
something that does not occur every day.

The Captain to the Lieutenant:
By order of the Colonel in fatigues tomorrow at nine o'clock in the morning the inauguration of the eclipse of the sun will take place in the gym. The Colonel will give the order if it should rain, something which occurs every day.

The Lieutenant to the Sergeant:
Tomorrow at nine o'clock the Colonel in fatigues will eclipse the Sun in the gym, as it occurs every day. If it is a nice day you will fall out in the company street.

The Sergeant to the Corporal:
Tomorrow at nine the eclipse of the Colonel in fatigues will take place because of the Sun. If it rains in the gym, something which does not take place every day, you will fall out in the company street.

Comments among the Privates:
Tomorrow, if it rains, it looks as if the Sun will eclipse the Colonel in the gym. It is a shame that this does not occur every day."



Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.

"Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath, "You scared us half to death -- we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?"

"Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"


Don't Come back

A business owner decides to take a tour around his business and see how things are going. He goes down to the shipping docks and sees a young man leaning against the wall doing nothing.

The owner walks up to the young man and says, "Son, how much do you make a day?"

The guy replies, "150 dollars."

The owner pulls out his wallet, gives him $150, and tells him to get out and never come back.

A few minutes later,... the shipping clerk askes the owner, "Have you seen that UPS driver?? I asked him to wait here for me!"



 

Sex Education.

A fourth grader comes home from school and said to her mother, Mom, guess what? We learned how to make babies today.

'The mother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. 'That's interesting,' she said. 'How do you make babies?'

 'It's simple,' replied the girl, 'You just change -y to -i and you add -es.'



TRUE FACT ...

Humans begin laughing at two to three months of age. Six year olds laugh about 300 times per day, while adults laugh from 15 to 100 times per day.

SOURCE: NYT, Dr. William F. Fry, Stanford University

 


Four out of five people hate being surveyed...

 


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Copyright Information: Phillip Bower is not the author of the humor, and does not claim to own any copyright privileges to the jokes. Sources of jokes are listed when known. Birthday's and Happenings for the date, and quotations are public knowledge and collected from numerous sources. Quotations are public knowledge and sources are listed when known. Weekendspirations are written by Tim Knappenberger who has copyright privileges. Cathy Vinson authors Whispers from the Wilderness and owns copyright privileges. Weekendspirations and Whispers from the Wilderness are used with permission by the respective authors. Other devotions are written by Phillip Bower unless otherwise stated. In all cases credit is given when known. The Daily Miscellany is nonprofit. Submissions by readers is welcome.