ALL THE REST —  November 8
  

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Tooth Extraction:

Discussing people's feelings about various events, William A McDonell, former president of the US Chamber of Commerce, told the story about a nervous patient in a dental chair.

The dentist was striving to extract a tooth, but every time he got ready to proceed the patient clamped his jaws. At last, he took his assistant aside and told her at the very moment he poised the forceps, to give the patient's hip a vicious pinch.

The pinch was administered, the nervous patient's mouth flew open, and the tooth was easily removed.

"Didn't hurt, did it ?" asked the dentist.

"Not much," replied the patient, "but who would have thought the root went that deep ?"

Source: Gary Tooze - Quotation of the Day

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Guess

On a special Teacher's Day, a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils. The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it over her head, and said, "I bet I know what it is....some flowers."

"That's right!" said the boy. "But how did you know?"

"Just a wild guess," she said.

The next pupil was the candy store owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is...a box of candy."

"That's right! But how did you know?" asked the girl.

"Just a lucky guess," said the teacher.

The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son. The teacher held it over her head but it was leaking. She touched a drop of the
leakage with her finger and tasted it. "Is it wine?" she asked.

"No," the boy replied.

The teacher repeated the process, touching another drop of the leakage to her tongue. "Is it champagne?" she asked.

"No," the boy replied.

The teacher then said, "I give up, what is it?"

The boy replied, "A puppy!"  

Source: Gary Tooze - Quotation of the Day

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YOU'RE LOST BETWEEN A BABY BOOMER
AND A GENERATION X'ER IF...

You remember when Jordache jeans were cool

In your fifth grade class picture you were wearing an Izod shirt  w/ the collar up

You know by heart the words to any Weird Al Yankovic song

Three words:  Atari, Intellivision, and Coleco, sound familiar

Remember the days when "safe sex" meant that your parents were gone for the weekend

Remember Friday Night Videos before the days of MTV

While in high school, you and your friends discussed elaborate plans to get together at the end of the century and play Prince's  "1999" until you passed out from partying

You remember when music that was labeled alternative, really was

You took family trips BEFORE the invention of the mini van

You rode in the back of the station wagon and faced the cars behind you

You've recently horrified yourself by using any one of the following phrases: When I was younger...or When I was your age...or You  know back when...

Schoolhouse Rock played a HUGE part in how you actually learned the English language

You ever dressed to emulate a person you saw in either a Duran  Duran, Madonna, or Cyndi Lauper video

The phrase "Where's the Beef?"  still doubles you over with laughter

You honestly remember when film critics raved that no movie could ever  possibly get better special effects than those in the movie TRON

Girls thought Sean Cassidy was dreamy, and lusted after Ted the photographer on The Love Boat

Your hair at some point in time in the 80's became something which can be described by the phrase "was experimenting"

You've ever shopped at a Banana Republic or Benetton, but not in  the last 5 years

You're doing absolutely nothing pertaining to your major

You ever wanted to be gagged with a spoon

U2 is too popular and mainstream for you now

You ever used the phrase "kiss my grits" in conversation

You ever remember trying to guess the episode of the Brady Bunch  from the first scene

You spent endless nights dreaming about being the Bionic Woman or Wonder Woman or the Six Million Dollar Man

You had ringside seats for the Luke and Laura wedding on General Hospital

You know who shot J.R.

This rings a bell "...and my name is Charlie.  They work for me"

You were unsure if Diet Coke would ever catch on after all

You know all the words to the double album set of Grease

You ever had a Dorothy Hamill haircut

You sat with your friends on a Friday night and dialed 867-5309 to see if Jenny would answer

"All skate, change directions" means something to you

You owned a pair of rainbow suspenders just like Mork used to wear

You bought a pair of Vaans and wanted to order a pizza in history class so you could be just like Jeff Spicoli in Fast Times at  Ridgemont High

You owned a preppy handbook

You were too young to go see the Blue Lagoon so you just had to settle for second hand reports

You remember when there was only PG and R..none of this PG 13 crap

You learned to swim about the same time Jaws came out and still  carry the emotional scars to this day

You remember when you cable TV box had a slide selector switch

Your jaw would ache by the time you finished those brick size  packages of Bazooka gum

Bo and Luke Duke

There was nothing strange about Bert and Ernie living together

Rotary dial telephones

The theme song to the Greatest American Hero still comes back to you on occasion...
    Believe it or not I am walking on air
    I never thought I could be so freeeee
    Flying away on a wing and a prayer Who could it be?
    Believe it or not, it's just me

You actually believed that Mikey, famed for his life cereal commercials, died after eating a packet of pop rocks and drinking  a Coke.

Source: Gary Tooze - Quotation of the Day

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Sunday School

The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back and 
turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jimmy interrupted.

"My Mommy looked back once while she was DRIVING," he announced triumphantly, 
"and she turned into a telephone pole!"

FROM AdamsCathy@aol.com 

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Sing a New Song

A young boy attended his first Sunday School class and he was relating the 
events of the day to his mother. "We sang a song about a bear," he proudly 
said.

"You sang a song about a bear?" His mother asked.

"Yes," he piped up. "We sang a song about a bear that was cross-eyed."

His mother blinked. "You sang a song about a bear that was cross-eyed?" she 
asked, wondering what this had to do with Sunday School.

"Uh-huh. We sang a song about a bear that was cross-eyed and his name was 
Gladly," her son explained.

His mother pressed. "What do you mean?"

With a big smile, he said, "We sang 'Gladly, the Cross-eyed Bear.'"

FROM AdamsCathy@aol.com 

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TRUE FACT ...

Humans begin laughing at two to three months of age. Six year olds laugh about 300 times per day, while adults laugh from 15 to 100 times per day.

SOURCE: NYT, Dr. William F. Fry, Stanford University