ALL THE REST —  November 13
  

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Real Talent?

A mangy looking guy who goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says: "No way. I don't think you can pay for it."

The guy says, "You're right.  I don't have any money, but if I show you something you haven't seen before, will you give me a drink?"

The bartender says, "Only if what you show me ain't risqué."

"Deal!" says the guy and reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster.  He puts the hamster on the bar and it runs to the end of the bar, down the bar, across the room, up the piano, jumps on the key board and starts playing Gershwin songs.  And the hamster is really good.

The bartender says, "You're right. I've never seen anything like that before.  That hamster is truly good on the piano."  The guy downs the drink and asks the bartender for another.

"Money or another miracle else no drink", says the bartender.  The guy reaches into his coat again and pulls out a frog.  He puts the frog on the bar, and the frog starts to sing.  He has a marvelous voice and great pitch.  A fine singer.  A stranger from the other end of the bar runs over to the guy and offers him $300 for the frog.

The guy says "It's a deal."  He takes the three hundred and gives the stranger the frog.  The stranger runs out of the bar.

  The bartender says to the guy "Are you some kind of nut?  You sold a singing frog for $300?  It must have been worth millions.  You must be crazy."

"Not so", says the guy. "The hamster is also a ventriloquist."

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KIDS QUOTES:

Water freezes at 32 degrees and boils at 212 degrees. There are 180 degrees between freezing and boiling because there are 180 degrees between north and south.

A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.

There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered. Finding them all means living forever.

There is a tremendous weight pushing down on the center of the Earth because of so much population stomping around up here these days.

Lime is a green-tasting rock.

Many dead animals in the past changed to fossils while others preferred to be oil.

Genetics explain why you look like your father and if you don't why you should.

Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they're there.

Some oxygen molecules help fires burn while others help make water, so sometimes it's brother against brother.

Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun. But I have never been able to make out the numbers.

We say the cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.

To most people solutions mean finding the answers. But to chemists solutions are things that are still all mixed up.

In looking at a drop of water under a microscope, we find there are twice as many H's as O's.

Clouds are high flying fogs.

I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know how to do it, and that is the important thing.

Clouds just keep circling the earth around and around. And around. There is not much else to do.

Cyanide is so poisonous that one drop of it on a dogs tongue will kill the strongest man.

A blizzard is when it snows sideways.

A monsoon is a French gentleman.

Thunder is a rich source of loudness.

Isotherms and isobars are even more important than their names sound.

It is so hot in some places that the people there have to live in other places.   

Source: Gary Tooze - Quotation of the Day

 

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KIDS — Can't Understand them!
 

Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort from this thought.

After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve.

And the First thing he said was: "Don't".

"Don't what?" Adam replied.

"Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said.

"Forbidden fruit? We got forbidden fruit? Hey, Eve ... we got forbidden fruit!"

"No way!"

"Yes way!"

"Don't eat that fruit!" said God.

"Why?"

"Because I am your Father and I said so!" said God, wondering why he hadn't stopped after making the elephants.

A few minutes later God saw his kids having an apple break and he was angry.

"Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?" the First Parent asked.

"Uh huh, " Adam replied.

"Then why did you?"

"I dunno" Eve answered.

"She started it!" Adam said.

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"DID NOT!!"

Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus, the pattern was set and it has never changed.

But there is reassurance in this story. If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give them wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be too
hard on yourself. If God had trouble handling children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?

Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle:

Take two and keep away from children......

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TRUE FACT ...

Humans begin laughing at two to three months of age. Six year olds laugh about 300 times per day, while adults laugh from 15 to 100 times per day.

SOURCE: NYT, Dr. William F. Fry, Stanford University