ALL THE REST —  November 25 & 26
  

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Leftover Turkey Jokes - I forgot about until today.

Gobbler said, "Doctor, help me! I can't stop acting like a turkey!"

"I see," said the doctor. "How long have you had this problem?"

"Let me think a second. Mom laid the egg in 1954..."

 

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Over the years, the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line staff have had their share of memorable calls – inquiries that stand out from the crowd because they're heartwarming or amusing. We asked some of the veteran staff members to tell us their favorites; plus, we rounded up a bunch of our own personal favorites from the Talk-Line archives.

* It's hard to beat the call from a trucker who planned to cook his Thanksgiving turkey on the engine of his truck ("Will it cook faster if I drive faster?"), but some of these come pretty close. Warning: do not attempt to adjust your screen – these are real incidents, true stories – from the front lines!

* Home alone, a Kentucky woman was in the doghouse when she called the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line While preparing the turkey, her Chihuahuas jumped into the bird's body cavity and couldn't get out. She tried pulling the dog and shaking the bird, but nothing worked. She and the dog became more and more distraught. After calming the woman down, the Talk-Line home economist suggested carefully cutting the opening in the cavity of the turkey wider. It worked and Fido was freed!

* Birdie, eagle and turkey? Roasting a turkey doesn't have to interfere with the daily routine, so said a retired Floridian. He called "Turkey Central" for turkey grilling tips while waiting to tee off from the 14th hole.

* Taking turkey preparation an extra step, a Virginian wondered, "How do you thaw a fresh turkey?" The Talk-Line staffer explained
that fresh turkeys aren't frozen and don't need to be thawed.

* Don't wait until the last minute! On Thanksgiving Day, a Georgian woman took the "Be prepared" motto to heart. She had just agreed to host Thanksgiving Dinner and called the Talk-Line a year ahead of time for turkey tips.

* Happy Thanksgiving, President Clinton! A Southern woman called to comment, "On Thanksgiving Day, the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line is more important than the President. He can take the day off, but the Talk-Line staff can't." (The Butterball Turkey Talk-Line
is open Thanksgiving Day, 6 a.m. to 6 p.m., Central Standard Time.)

* Thanksgiving Dinner on the run. A woman called 1-800-323-4848 to find out how long it would take to roast her turkey. To answer
the question, the Talk-Line home economist asked how much the bird weighed. The woman responded, "I don't know, it's still
running around outside."

* Tofu turkey? No matter how you slice it, Thanksgiving just isn't Thanksgiving without turkey. A restaurant owner in California
wanted to know how to roast a turkey for a vegetarian menu.

* White meat, anyone? A West Coast woman took turkey preparation to extremes by scrubbing her bird with bleach. Afterward, she
called the Talk-Line to find out how to clean off the bleach. To her dismay, she was advised to dispose of the turkey.

* A young girl called on behalf of her mother who needed roasting advice To provide approximate roasting times, the home economist
asked what size the turkey was. Without asking her mother the little girl paused, then replied, "Medium."

* A novice turkey-cooking chef wanted to know if the yellow netting and wrapper around the turkey should be removed before roasting. Envisioning a melted plastic turkey blob, the home economist responded, "Yes," then offered complete roasting directions.

And one More....

* Then there's the time a lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

 

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What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children?
If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!

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Asked to write a composition entitled, "What I'm thankful for on Thanksgiving," little Timothy wrote, "I am thankfull that I'm not a turkey."

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What key has legs and can't open doors?
A Turkey.

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Q. What sound does a space turkey make?
A. hubble, hubble, hubble.

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Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"?
Because they never learned good table manners! 

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The mother took her 5-year-old son with her when she went to vote. The voting area was in a nursing home dining room that was decorated for Thanksgiving with colorful pictures of turkeys on the walls. As they waited in line for her to cast her ballot, her son asked, "Mom, which turkey are you voting for?"    

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As someone has said, "If God had meant for us to fast on Thanksgiving, he would never have created 30-pound turkeys."

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TRUE FACT ...

Humans begin laughing at two to three months of age. Six year olds laugh about 300 times per day, while adults laugh from 15 to 100 times per day.

SOURCE: NYT, Dr. William F. Fry, Stanford University